the new normal
trigger warnings for: suicide, blood, guns
January 9, 2018. It'd started out like any other day, their alarm clock going off at 0600 hours sharp, the shrill sound alerting them that it was time to begin their day. Jason hit the snooze button and pulled his wife closer, the couple savoring the few moments they knew they had to themselves before their door opened and their two year old daughter, Gabriella, came running into the room with her camouflage clad teddy bear wrapped securely in her arms, climbing up onto her parents' bed as she asked what was for breakfast. It would be another half an hour before their son came crawling out of his room to almost fall asleep in his cereal bowl before heading off to catch the bus to school. It started off as a day just like any other, and if you asked Savannah now, eight months later, if there had been any signs of what she'd find in her backyard that afternoon she'd both be able to name so many but so few at once. The kiss she'd given her husband as he left out into the grey morning, his uniform causing him to bare a strong resemblance to the teddy Gabby had tucked beneath her arm at the breakfast table, was far too short to be good enough for goodbye. However, looking back, it was longer than their usual forehead kiss and hurried 'I love you's as he flew out the door, breakfast sandwich and protein shake in hand as he headed to base.
That morning it was a lingered kiss, a longing stare, a quiet and purposeful 'I love you', before he gave each of the children their own, seemingly sentimental goodbye. If they hadn't already been running late maybe she would have picked up on it, but if JJ didn't leave within the next two minutes he would have missed the bus and Gabby was still wearing her PJs, a cause for concern since Savannah herself had to leave the house within the next fifteen minutes in order to drop her daughter off at daycare and make it to work on time for her first client of the day. Looking back, she regretted not noticing his subtle nuances, because maybe if she'd taken a second to actually look at her husband she would have seen the way he paused in the doorway, looking back on his family with a sad smile as they went about their lives. He'd already made his choice and made peace with it, a choice that Savannah wouldn't have been privy to until later that afternoon.
1237 hours. 'Hey, was able to get away for lunch. Meet me at the house at 1, I'm getting your favorite. I love you.' The text had elicited a wide, excited smile to form on Savannah's features and she finished with the client currently in her chair hastily before grabbing her purse and keys from her drawer and running out of the doors of the salon, simultaneously telling the shop manager she'd be taking an extended lunch as she unlocked the doors to her 4Runner and climbed in. If the lights cooperated, it was a 20 minute drive from work to the home they'd made eight years ago after their return stateside from Germany, and as luck would have it she hit every single red light on the way there.
1314 hours. She pulled into their driveway, the lifted black Silverado already neatly tucked into the right side of the concrete space. Traffic was horrible and she now only had 30 minutes to spend with her husband and eat lunch before she'd have to venture back out onto the road to finish her shift. Rushing through the unlocked front door, she called his name and was met with silence. The smell of Proletariat's 'The Favorite' pizza wafting through her nostrils as she entered the kitchen. There was an envelope on the counter with her name on it, set nicely down on top of the pizza box, but she didn't notice it. "Jason?" His name left her lips for the sixth time since she'd walked through the door, a hint of panic beginning to creep into her tone and her gut. She spent the next ten minutes looking all over the house for her husband of 10 years, only finding his green beret set neatly on their bedside table. She has a faint memory of the words 'this isn't funny anymore' leaving her lips as she descended the stairs, heading for the kitchen once more, hoping to find him standing at the counter, piece of pizza in his hand and a wide grin on his features. So when she reentered the kitchen and found it, once again, empty, she could feel her stomach drop. Call it women's intuition or a simple gut feelings, as soon as the brunette's gaze turned towards the french doors leading to the backyard she felt her heart drop into the pit of her stomach.
1339 hours. The sounds of sirens filled her ears as the police and EMS came racing down their street, the first responders listening to the instructions she'd provided just minutes ago to a 911 operator to simply come through the unlocked back gate. She was on her knees, blood stained hands gripping at her thighs as she watched paramedics move in what appeared to be slow motion. If she'd been rational she'd have known that anyone could see that the man she'd loved for the last 10 years had no sign of life, the handgun that lay still half in his hand having taken him away minutes after he'd sent the text. This wasn't how it was supposed to be.
August 27, 2018. The new normal, if you could even call it that. Her alarm went off at 6:30AM, but she was already awake, cradling Gabby in her arms as another sleepless night came to a close and she was forced to begin a new day. It was JJ's first day of school and her parents were coming over at 7:00AM to pick up Gabby so that Savannah could take him. This was the new normal, she had to remind herself as she climbed out of bed and made her way out into the small kitchen of her houseboat to continue with a tradition that Jason had started four years ago on JJ's first day of kindergarten. Waffles on the first day of school. It'd been four months since the grieving family had moved from their spacious Seattle home to the small houseboat in Wrightsville Beach, one that Savannah's parents had occupied years prior while their home on the beach was being built. JJ had wanted to stay in Seattle with his friends, but Savannah had uprooted the children due to her inability to stay in a town that held so many painful memories, and now, as his alarm went off in the bedroom upstairs, Sav knew that the somewhat new routine they'd cultivated since their move was about to be tossed about once more. This was a day they'd all feel his loss more than they normally did, a day where Jason Bishop should have been there but instead of his presence they had the dog tags that hung around Savannah's neck and the patch JJ kept nestled snugly in his pocket at all times.
7:05AM. Her parents knocked once before walking onto the small houseboat, all smiles as they greeted their granddaughter with excited hugs and kisses. She was the least affected by this day, still not understanding the gravity of the words 'Daddy's not coming home'. But as JJ slowly descended from the spiral staircase, dark circles under his eyes and backpack dragging slowly behind him, Savannah knew that she had to put her own feelings aside and put on the brave face she'd mastered eight months ago as she picked her son up early from school to deliver the news that had torn both of their worlds apart.
7:32AM. The waffles sat untouched as she put her arm around her son's shoulders, the 10 year old softening for a moment as he leaned into his mother's embrace. "It's just school." He said as he pulled away from her to climb into the passenger's seat of the SUV.
7:49AM. "Are you sure you don't want me to come in with you?" She asked, hand coming out to smooth down the child's dark tresses. He looked so much like his father. "I'll be fine, mom." His voice wavered and the shattered pieces of her heart crumbled a little further. "I know you will, bubba." Offering him the most encouraging smile she could muster, she leaned over and pressed a kiss into his forehead. "I love you." She said, the smile on her features finally feeling a bit more genuine as she peered down at her son. "I love you, too. See you later." His tone was short, words spoken as the door was shutting behind him and he made his way into the school. This was their new normal.














