Flazéda

For children under 10, this looks like “Don’t do things that people online tell you to do without checking with an adult you trust to make sure it isn’t a predator, even if it just seems silly,” and “Be wary of adults who want to touch you or watch you do weird things for no reason, even if it’s something that seems harmless like letting them touch your feet or squishing up things. Any touch you don’t want is a bad touch.” This fits in well with other basics about bodily autonomy.

For preteens and younger teens, you can be more direct (they’ll understand that sex is a thing beyond just creating babies, whether they’ve been properly educated or not). Something like “Some predators might have requests that don’t seem explicitly sexual at first. If they seem to be getting something sexual out of it, or if it just seems too weird or if it makes you uncomfortable at all, don’t do it, or ask a trusted adult and alert any site mods, if it’s online.”

For older teens and adults, more of the above, plus showing examples of common “challenges” that are actually kinkbait. (i.e. writing stuff on your feet and taking pictures of it, stepping in slime or gross/painful things, questions about theoretically squishing or eating people, tying up yourself or others, “gallon of milk” type challenges that often cause vomiting.) At this point, the object is not just to prevent individual victimization, but to allow them to identify situations where children are being preyed upon.

In addition, knowing what kinks are means that people who have them are less likely to think it’s okay to trick others into doing them. If you emphasize that kinks are sex, people will realize that forcing them on others is not just a prank with a dirty secret, but actually sexual assault. Younger people with kinks (they often do start in childhood; sometimes they’re not explicitly sexual until around puberty) will learn not to put themselves in dangerous situations over things they don’t understand yet, and also that there isn’t anything wrong with them. In all cases, it should be emphasized that the kink is not the problem, but the predatory behavior and coercion of others into sexual acts. If the kink is portrayed as the problem, people won’t make the distinction between doing it with a willing partner and tricking people into it, and the cycle will continue.

me, socialist:

My aunt is over sixty, never married, and never, so far as I am aware, ever even had a great romance.  She dated a lot, but never clicked and now seems to have given up.  My mentor is over seventy, divorced her asshole husband more than half her life ago and has never found anyone since.

We all know women (and men) like these.  And because we know them, we know that “one day you will find someone,” is just … hogwash.  Because sometimes you just … don’t.  Or sometimes you do, but he turns out to be a cad.  Or you do and the universe rips you apart in the most unfair way possible.  And because society has us so fixated on finding “our other half” or whatever, we view these women as cautionary tales.

But … 

My aunt trains dogs.  Her schipperke is the national champion for his breed.  She spent so much of her life as a librarian, nurturing the love of books in kids, myself among them.  I ride horses because of her, and it’s one of the very few things I do that makes my soul feel at peace.

My mentor is one of the best criminal defense attorneys in her state.  She has devoted her life to fighting to ensure that everyone gets a vigorous defense.  Because of her countless people have had the opportunity to turn their lives around.  Because of her, they’ve had a life to turn around.  Because of her, the prosecution and the police in her jurisdiction are forced to behave ethically and adhere to the rule of law.  She’s still, even now fighting to abolish the death penalty.  It’s because of her that I am pursuing the life I am.

These women’s lives are not nothing.  In fact they are a whole lot of something, and it makes my heart hurt that I ever, in my dark 3 am’s, thought of their lives as something to be avoided at all costs.

So love your family, your friends, your pets, your gardens.  Love your job or your hobby or your raison d’ etre, whatever it is.  Love sunsets and the smell of rain and yourself, and don’t love these as something to do as a placeholder until the buzzing, romantic love comes, but love these as things worth loving all in themselves.