besuda

I don't want to be in this state of mind.

I don't want to wear this mask.

I don't want to stay hidden.

I just want them to be proud.

I still don't understand, why is she looking at me like that? Why is she leading me on? Why she makes me feel uneasy and I feel like I have to walk on eggshells every time I look at her.

She made me dive for a lot of times and I tolerate it.

She told me she wishes to extend... I told her I don't feel the same because I can't just decide on my own, I'm not alone. Despite all of the reasons I told her, I never told her the one real reason which is the source of my decision.

I struggled a lot.

I laughed a little and cried a lot. Everyday was a heartache. I'm back to listening to my thoughts again. Every night, my mind wonders where did I go wrong.

It is difficult to live for tomorrow when today was uneventful again and I feel like a heartache to my parents.

Broken and was almost fixed. Currently picking up the scattered pieces, again and hopefully for the last time.

I can see how everybody just choose death over life sometimes. I get anxious and all I can think is "If tomorrow might never come then I will be alright"

I felt like I chose the wrong thing. They made me feel that way, but I can't help to think that I was partially right all along and they just don't see it.

To all the things that I have seen or heard, I feel like everyone is really the same they just don't want to admit it. I feel that way too and I am also in denial of those facts.

Week 10 - everything was really calm after the storm had passed.

I do not know if I am calm though haha hoping that I am and will continue to be calm even if the storm would be coming my way. I hope I would be prepared with sturdier structure to shelter me and give me light at the end.

Week 9 - the very first bimonthly

sadly, I was not able to do my very best :(

I lacked energy and strategy.

but by the end of it, I did study but not enough.

I will be wiser this time around, for the next time...

Week 8 - second long exam week.

That's it. That's all I can say.

I almost forgot to write for week 8.

Next week is not gonna be better though but still hoping for the best :)