Mouthwatering, isn’t it?☺

I treat chocolate as my stress reliever. It really helps me to boost my energy and makes me happy. I think that’s one of its benefits. Here’s some more:

1.  Reduces Heart Risks

2.  Appetite Control

3.  Maintains Nervous System

4.   Treats Cough & Cold (I think this is really true. I always eat chocolates when I have cough. They say that it will make your cough worst but I feel better instead.)

5.  Manages Diabetes

6.  Antidepressant (True!)

7.  Reduces Stress (True!!!)

8.  Regulates Blood Pressure

9.  Improves Oxidation

10.  Fetal Growth

Source : https://www.organicfacts.net/health-benefits/other/health-benefits-of-chocolate.html

But I think these benefits are mainly from dark chocolates only. As we all know that dark chocolate is healthier than other kinds of chocolates. 

Personally, I really like dark chocolates (but not the pure which tastes really bitter) than milk or others. My tongue really loves its slight bitterness and sweetness.

This is not about my dream last night or anything connected to dreams at night. I know the picture above is quite confusing. I just feel that I’m stucked with a situation and I don’t know how to get out of it. *Sigh* Well, this is about what I want to be, what I want to reach, what I want to become.

Do you know exactly what you wanna become someday? Are you on the right track to reach your dream?

I am 26 now, working for almost 6years but still feel incomplete, unsatisfied. Not just because of low salary but also being unhappy with what I do now.

Someone said “Ayaw mo ba nan? Binabayaran ka kahit wala kang masyadong ginagawa?” Yes Besh. I got his point. I know! But it’s not all about being paid but the fulfillment you feel every end of the day. 

I want to leave this situation and do what I love to do but how? It’s hard to get what I want. Having a good salary, enjoying my work and being with positive people who you will build a deeper relationship than being workmates (I mean to be friends). Of course! It’s possible right? Doing what you love is easy though hard to the eyes of other people. Same as you to the things they love but you don’t have the guts to at least give it a try.

Maybe some of you will ask “Why you chose that?”. Because I just want to try it. I don’t have any idea in the position I have now before. just want to give it a try and step out of my comfort zone. 

“Who knows I will succeed on this?” That was the question I had on my mind when I was confused to take it or leave it. But now that I’m near to my first year anniversary, I am really decided to leave this and find another job. I know I am not sure what the new one will offer me but I ready to take a risk.

I’m praying for it. And hopefully soon, I will find my dream job. it’s okay if it’s not that high salary but at least meet or quite higher than what I have now. As long as I can see myself will enjoy the new responsibilities,I’m ready to take it. I’m ready to take a risk.

Have you ever had a friend/acquaintance/loved one that needs “that” special attention? I mean because of the loneliness they feel, they need more attention and assurance that there is someone who always there for them?

Well, I haven’t. Of course my family/friends have experienced sad/bad things in their life. Who didn’t anyway? Even I experienced those things. And that feeling, that sadness can lead you to depression.

But while me or you being sensitive enough to feel that the sadness they feel is not just the “ordinary” sadness but already depression that other people might feel, there are some people who doesn’t treat it seriously and make fun of them or tell that the are just overreacting.

You are lucky if once in your life you haven’t experience depression wherein you would think that nobody’s around, nobody’s there to hear you out, nobody can understand you and no one can reach you out. That the only solution you think to ease the pain is to end your life, suicide. Congrats besh, you are sooooooo lucky.

But for those who experienced or experiencing this thing, hope you’ll find someone who can lead his/her ears to you. 

I just made this post because of some questions I’ve received to my ask.fm account. Maybe some won’t take it seriously but I did otherwise. Here are some:

“Ang toxic ko, ang toxic ng buhay ko, ng pamilya ko. Wala na akong ginawang tama “

“yung ang lungkot lungkot mo na tapos makikinig ka pa sa sad songs. pota suicide yan.“

“Sobrang hirap na ko sa ganto. Sobrang nadodown na talaga ko. I always feel lonely and alone. Feels like it's only myself I can count on”

Oh di ba? Those are shout outs (anonymously) and not a personal message. I answered those messages with positivity of course. I don’t want them to feel ignored. At least I can make them feel that there is a stranger on the other side of their computer/mobile phone that they can talk to.

I just started being sensitive regarding this issue because of the things happening nowadays. News about suicide are now alarming. Not just the famous ones but also those ordinary people.

Please besh, next time you hear or read someone says/write a message like this, don’t hesitate to give him a piece of advice, positive talk/message. It might be nothing to you but means a lot to someone.

Let’s spread love to this world besh. ♥♥♥

Hindi ako ang bitter besh. Relax. So ito na nga, I have an officemate na feel na feel ko ang pagkabitter. Naiintindihan ko naman sya. Yes! Naiintindihan ko talaga sya. Kaso parang ang tagal nya kasing maghold on sa pagkabitter nya. Hindi ba pwedeng magmove on move on din? Ang awkward lang kasi ng feeling kapag nagiging mean sya sa kasamahan namin. Siguro hindi ko lang alam kung anong nagawa sa kanya nung tao. Pero sa mga hugot nya, parang may mali na. Madalas nga hinahayaan ko nalang.

Hindi naman siguro umaabot sa point na winiwish nyang machugi yung kasamahan namin, I hope! But I think when someone let himself/herself dive in to his/her anger is very very dangerous. I mean, mawawala na yung tunay na kaligayahan nya. Kasi yung puso nya nababalot na ng mga masasamang damdamin.

Just an update to my previous post about opportunity beshie.

Well, tinry ko namang magapply sa work na inalok sakin dun. PERO hindi ko nagustuhan yung environment. To be honest naexcite din naman akong makita ang office nila. Naexcite akong malaman kung anong itsura nung company (though I already saw it sa site nila). But you know, I was expecting na baka iba sya sa personal, na baka may renovation silang ginawa or kung ano mang pagbabago. And YES! I didn’t like it. Hehe. Sabihin mo ng maarte ko besh pero importante din kasi sakin yung atmosphere g office kapag nagwowork. 

Pero maliit na dahilan lang yun, ito talaga ang dahilan. I don’t like it because...

IT HAS SATURDAY WORK. Who wants to work until Saturday most especially those who used to work just from Monday-Friday? Though it’s not a mandatory or hindi talaga kasama sa working schedule nila(egular working days nila is Monday-Friday din) but I am obliged to work on Saturday for my training period. *sigh* On their normal working life, kapag sanay ka na sa ginagawa mo at master ka na, as long as you can finish all your task from Monday-Friday, you don’t have to work on Saturday. But believe me besh, sa dami ng kailangang gawin sa departamentong hahawakan ko, imposibleng mawalan ako ng pasok ng sabado(for a year maybe?). Parang di ko talaga kaya yun. *sigh ulit* 

Ow i forgot to tell you, you don’t need to work naman for 8hours during Saturday. You can go to work din late. Not that demanding. Pero kung marami kang gagawin, malamng 6am papasok ka na kasi baka abutin ka ng takipsilim sa dami at bago ka pa. Haha!

Ok ok. Tama na sa rants. Hindi pa naman ako tinatawagan ulit para sabihing “You’re hire!”. Haha. Yeah, I know. Feelingera ang ateng nyo. Haha.

Maybe hindi lang talaga para sakin yun. But I’m still happy that I tried. At least I don’t have those “what if’s”. :)

...what will you do? Will you grab it immediately, think about it first or just let it slip away?

Marami siguro satin sasabihin "pag iisipan ko muna". You will consider a lot of things, specifically to work(location, offers, benefits, etc.). Pero paano kung kailangan mong magdecide agad?

If we are not sure enough sa dumating na opportunity, makakaramdam tayo ng takot, pagdududda sa sarili kung kakayanin nga ba natin yung bagong papasukin natin. Iisipin natin kung kaya ba nating bitawan yung meron tayo ngayon para sa bagong dumating, if it deserves to give it a try. Pero syempre kapag binitawan na natin the things that we have now, wala ng balikan. Hindi na natin mababalikan or kung mabalikan man, hindi na ganun kadaling makuha ulit, yung bagay na binitawan natin kapalit ng bagong ipinalit natin.

Ang hirap magdecide kasi iisipin mo magsisimula ka ulit. Back to basic. Back to scratch. You will mold yourself again to fit in to new environment, co-workers, work load, etc.

"Paano mo malalaman kung hindi mo susubukan?". Naniniwala naman ako dyan. Pero let's all admit, not all things deserve a try. May mga bagay naman talagang hindi mo kailangang itry lalo na kung alam mo namang malaki ang chance na mapahamak ka. Pero syempre hindi naman ganun 'tong bagay na 'to. I just find it hard to decide.

"Malay mo okay naman.", "Malay mo mas maganda at mas matututo ka.", "Malay mo mas masaya, mas madevelop ka." Maraming opinion, maraming possibilities. But at the end of the day, iisa lang ang magdedesisyon, IKAW.

Beshie named diary will be the place where I can let my feelings out. I am an introwert and this will help me to express myself out without thinking the judgement of others, without pleasing others. :) 

Beshie Diary wag kang magsawa sa mga rants and random thoughts ko sa buhay ah. Overthinker pa naman ako. Haha.