berry

You slammed the car door behind you and twirled immediately. The sun was shining down and heating your skin. You knew you'd get a sunburn later if you started tanning in this heat, but the comfort of Cousins weather on your skin made you not give many shits.

"Get the bags, hon." you heard your mom call. You rushed towards the trunk and popped it open, dragging out your duffle. You heard footsteps behind you and saw a head of blonde hair before your luggage was lifted out of the car.

You turned to be faced with Jeremiah, the youngest Fisher and your neighbor throughout the summer in Cousins. His eyes, ocean blue eyes, stared into yours with a grinning glint.

"Hey, Jeremiah." You perked up cheerily, raising your shoulders and making a close-eyed smile. Jeremiah laughed, taking your duffle from your hand.

You turned and walked towards your house, skipping up on the porch and shoving open your door. Jeremiah followed you, dropping your bags by the coat hangars and shoe stands.

When you turned to face him he'd taken something out of his back pocket. You recognized a flower, a tulip specifically. You giggled, throwing your head back when a sudden memory rushed your mind.

Jeremiah was grinning across from you, the first day of the summer already complete with a swim in the ocean and ice cream for lunch. Now the two of you were lying on towels at the beach. Jeremiah's hair had bits of sand laced into it.

"What's your favorite part of summer?" he asked suddenly. You sat up and thought about it, delving into every crevice, every memory of summer you had.

"Flowers." you announced suddenly, looking him right in the eye. Jeremiah double-tracked, looking back at you right again.

"Flowers? Out of all the amazing things around Cousins, you say flowers?!" he exclaimed, hands gesturing around the place. You laughed, shrugging.

"Flowers are awesome, and pretty, and the clearest display of love that there could be." You grinned, voicing your thoughts the way you always did.

Jeremiah smirked, looking at you once again. "Flowers, huh?" you nodded reassuringly, confused when he held out a pinky.

"I promise that every single day of every single summer after this one, I'll be giving you a flower. A different kind every time, and I'll never forget for as long as we're friends." he shoved his pinky in my face repeatedly. "Deal?"

You shook your head disbelievingly. "Deal, I guess." you held out your own pinky, giggling when he beamed. Flowers every day. Didn't sound real, but if he did it it wouldn't be too bad. Would it?

"Thanks, Jere." You took the flower, tucking it behind your ear and posing theatrically. Jeremiah tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, kissing your forehead and smiling down at you.

"We had a deal, didn't we?"

You woke up at your alarm, the ringing noise coursing through your ears. You groaned, slamming your hand on your dresser in an attempt to stop the alarm.

"God, stupid school alarm." you swore, turning over and pulling the covers over your body. You heard a knock at your door and let out an indignant noise.

No matter your protests you heard the door open. Someone pulled the covers off you, turning you over. You squeezed your eyes shut before blinking them open, Jeremiah's blonde hair greeting your eye-line.

"You had to wake me." you moaned, flailing your limbs in the air. Jeremiah laughed, making a show out of getting down on one knee. He took out a flower, a daisy, from God-knows-where and placed it gently on your chest. You giggled, sleep intoxicating you.

"Thanks, Jeremiah."

He shrugged, standing up and kissing your forehead. "We had a deal, didn't we."

Your third day had passed by with sightings of Jeremiah that failed to grant you with a flower. Eventually you'd decided he was taking a break, considering flowers are limited.

You sat outside the Fisher house, waiting for the boys to come outside and drive you to the bonfire. You turned when the door opened, facing Jeremiah holding a Sunflower.

"Thank you for my daily dose of the best part of summer." you smiled, standing up and kissing him on the cheek. Jeremiah kissed you on the forehead as a response.

"We had a deal, didn't we?"

A week had passed, each day with a flower. Jeremiah surprised you in a way that wasn't surprising each time, and it finished with a kiss on the forehead along with his signature words.

"We had a deal, didn't we?"

You were sitting in Belly's room, laying on her bed stomach-first. The two of you were having your own casual conversations, gossiping like you tried to do every summer.

A knock at the door shut you both up. You glanced up to see Jeremiah standing in the doorway. A smile worked its way onto your face. You hadn't gotten your daily flower yet.

"Seven o'clock, the docs. Don't be late." he winked, closing the door behind himself. You glanced at Belly and the two of you let out a squeal in unison, suddenly fluttering to find what to wear and how to plan. Girls doing what girls do.

You approached the doc, wearing a sage green knee length silk skirt that Belly had picked out, paired with a simple white baby tee. You jogged lightly towards the last few steps, slowing down when you saw Jeremiah sitting at the end.

His back was facing you as he sat on a picnic blanket, a spread of muffins and treats around him. When your footsteps stopped, the platform slippers you were wearing easy to detect, he turned around.

He held a bouquet of flowers in his hands, the colors bright as they shone in the moonlight. You smiled, a flood of glee running through your body. You felt so everlastingly happy, so everlastingly surprised, that you were stunned.

"Hey," he smiled, taking a step towards you. "I wanted to ask you something tonight." you took a step towards him, tilting your head in mock confusion.

"Yeah?" you asked. Jeremiah chuckled, throwing back his head.

"Yeah."

He handed you the bouquet and took one more step, close enough to lean in and kiss you if he wanted to.

"Y/N. I've liked you for ages, for an insane amount of time. I've tried not to show it and tried not to tell you but this summer I just gave up." he took a deep breath. "Every flower I've ever given you meant something to me. Every flower I gave you represented a small cell of how much I liked you."

He took one flower out of the bouquet and placed in behind your ear, gently. "I'll have to give you flowers till infinity. Because the feelings I have for you, the love, grows every single day."

You couldn't take it any longer, and so you kissed him. You pressed your lips softly to his, and he immediately wrapped his arms around you. You set down the bouquet to kiss him again, and again, over and over till both your breathing patterns were unsteady.

"So I take it you like me too," he whispered into your ear, causing a giggle to erupt out of you.

"Yes, you dimwit," you exclaimed, pulling him down for another kiss. Jeremiah obliged, but broke apart suddenly.

"Wait!" he looked scattered for a moment. He patted down his pockets, taking out a small box.

You gasped when he opened it, breath catching. Inside was a ring, decorated with different flowers all over the band. It was gorgeous, and he held it out shyly.

"Will you be my girlfriend, Y/N?" you squealed, kissing him softly once again.

"Yes, yes, yes." you muttered in between kisses, pulling away when he slipped the ring on your finger. "Thank you, Jeremiah."

PRESENT ( jeremiah's pov )

I'd picked up my skateboard and put in my earbuds, ready to cruise down the empty Cousins streets.

No one had much of a reason to be in a summer town during the winter. A few locals were walking around, but there was practically no one else there. Everything was mine.

I'd arrived at the house a day earlier. I didn't want to stay long. I just needed an escape, a place to think. After everything with mom, I wanted, needed, time to myself. It made me selfish, I knew, but everyone needs an escape.

Cousins would forever be mine. Although I used to have a different one.

I pushed off, the wheels of the board, rolling off the gravel road. Every turn I started thinking about things I didn't need to, things I should have long forgotten. Things that involved my Sunflower, my Sunflower that was no longer mine.

PAST ( y/n's pov, 7 months earlier )

"Jere!" You giggled, chasing after your friend. You ran around the counters and into the back, following the blond all the way into the storage room.

Jeremiah turned back at you and shook his head, laughing and sticking out his tongue. You shook your head in mock anger and jumped on him, hitting the ground with a thud.

You both burst into giggles, rolling around on the ground and bursting into bright pieces of joy at random moments. Your laughter was choppy and so was his, wheezes making their way into your voices.

"We're gonna get in trouble if we don't get up, Sunflower." Jeremiah gasped, turning to face you on the ground. You looked at him, laying on your side. His ocean blue eyes were alight, like they always were around you. Your stomach had fluttered at the nickname.

"Since when does Jeremiah fucking Fisher care about getting in trouble," you teased, bopping his nose and grinning when he swatted your hand away.

When he stood up and held a hand out a sudden thought struck you. Jeremiah was going to Cousins soon. He'd have his new job, his old friends, his old life. His favorite place, back again. He'd forget about you for a solid three months, before they came back.

He always did.

You let him pull you up and dusted your hands off. You flashed a quick, futile smile at him. The moment was lost like a grain of sand in the forever endless ocean, moving around in a way you couldn't get it back and know it was the same one as before.

"I'm gonna head out front." you called over your shoulder. "My shift ends soon."

You knew he'd nodded without looking as you walked out, a lost feeling drowning you as you stood by the counter and put on a fake smile for strangers. Jeremiah Fisher would be gone in less than a week. In less than a week, it wouldn't be him looking after you. You would be looking after yourself.

PRESENT ( jeremiah's pov )

I stared down at my phone subconsciously, thinking she'd have called me by now. December third, four AM. Always, yearly. Like clockwork. For the first time, she hadn't been on time.

I pushed off the road harder and the board hit a rock, sending me tumbling. I pushed myself off the ground, ignoring my scrapes and running towards the board.

I kicked it, channeling everything into an outlet. I pounded it, over and over, until the wood was broken and splintered and the fiery rage that had consumed me had dulled to a soft throb.

The rage was gone and so came the sadness, the nostalgia. The overwhelming feeling of loss although I hadn't really lost too much at all. Not in the eyes of anyone else.

Although in my eyes, she was everything. She always would be.

She'd posted a picture the other day. It sounds stalker-ish, but I just wanted to check up on her, like always.

She was sitting on the swing in her backyard, my house poking out through the bushes. She was smiling, but it didn't reach her eyes. She held a book in her hand, and I knew it was unread, because my Sunflower would be happily content in the pages of a book instead of holding it at a distance.

It looks like she's happy. Like she was thinking, daydreaming. But when she daydreams she squints her eyes, she lays her head somewhere, and her eyes close half-way. And when she thinks, she digs her thumbnail into her inner palm.

She was sad. Although she didn't think anyone would notice, I did. I always did. I knew her too well not to.

PAST ( y/n's pov, 7 months earlier )

"God, Sunflower." Jeremiah groaned, laying you gently to sit in the drivers seat. You grabbed his face with both your hands, palms on either side. Jeremiah kissed you on the cheek, smiling weakly before walking away to slip into the drivers seat.

"I'm sorry, J." you mumbled, laying your head back and closing your eyes. Your head was pounding and whirling all at once. You felt Jeremiah's ocean blue eyes on you, seeing their color because it was really all you thought about.

His hand grabbed your chin and tilted your face toward him, causing you to turn your gaze on him. "Don't apologize for shit. You didn't do anything, Sunny. You got drunk, and I'm helping you." he let go of your chin. "Like you always help me."

You smiled lazily, throwing your arms around his neck and hugging him loosely. "I do help you a lot." you drawled. Jeremiah laughed, a sound that was so melodious that it paused your headache. You wanted to bottle the sound and get drunk on that, although you didn't think your body could take much more of it.

He shoved you off carefully, leaning over you and pushing your seat back. When he was done he fastened your seatbelt and looked around the back, grabbing a trashcan he'd shoved in there earlier to hand to you.

When you were alright he started the car, looking out at the road although you saw him focus on you using the corner of his eye. Jeremiah would never leave you out of sight, out of protection.

You may not be siblings, or best friends, or lovers, no matter how much you wanted the last two. You may just be good friends from work, friends that help each other no matter what. Although your excuses were that doing two times the work for one person's pay was pretty invalidating. But Jeremiah would always act like you were special. Like you were his. And who were you to deny him that?

PRESENT ( jeremiah's pov )

I wondered if she was getting drunk tonight. I was sitting on the sidewalk, thinking about her, and she was probably getting drunk, or getting hurt. And God I was scared. I didn't want her doing any shit anymore. Especially not today.

She hated today. So much. She would be on high alert, wouldn't fall for anything. Before me she wouldn't let anyone talk to her. After me, she still wouldn't. But during me, it was all we did. It was a solid distraction, which was all she needed.

I knew how she felt. I was one of the only people that did. And I knew if she got hurt tonight, if something bad happened and someone called to tell me, I wouldn't be able to piece myself back together again. Not for the second time.

PAST ( y/n's pov, 7 months earlier )

I threw the rag into the sink, drying my hands off on the towel attached to my apron. Long veiny arms wrapped around me, muscles clenching at the biceps.

"Hey, J." you turned around and smiled, slipping out of his grip in a stupid manner. You hit the counter and slipped on a wet puddle, head colliding with the marble ground. You groaned, feeling Jeremiah fall onto his knees beside you.

"Y/N, Sunflower, babe, you can't be doing that." nerves laced his voice, his tone familiar. You tried to sit up on your elbows but Jeremiah lay you back down gently. If you didn't have an ache pounding at your skull you would have blushed from his various nicknames.

"Are you okay? You need ice? Hospital. I'm gonna call someone." Jeremiah blurted, his words jumbled and fast. You giggled, a sharp pain stabbing your skull again.

"Ice, J." you moaned. "Just ice." Jeremiah was up in an instant. He never wanted you injured, never liked seeing you hurt. He never liked seeing anyone he liked hurt. He'd seen enough loved ones suffer enough hurt.

A cool pressure was pressed to your head. "Thanks." you sighed out of relief, letting him lift you up carefully. Jeremiah carried you to one of the couches. You'd been about to close up so the place was empty. It was all yours.

Jeremiah made you look him in the eye. He held up his hands and without uttering a single word himself, made you name every single number he gestured. Then he looked into your pupils and you could only take so much sustained eye contact before you broke it.

"No concussion." he declared, making sure you stayed laying down. He kneeled next to the couch and held your hand.

"Thanks for taking care of me." you leaned into his touch, head tilting towards his.

"I'll always take care of you." he said lightly, like the words were a feather. But they took up a hammer of a weight in your heart, a weight that pressured you and lifted you up all at once. "I'll always save you, Sunflower."

Jeremiah Fisher wasn't a liar. But he also wasn't a seer.

PRESENT ( y/n's pov )

Lights were flashing and blinding and red was everywhere, scarlett gushing. Red, red, red. Spots and puddles, hidden within the small pieces of black metal. Sirens were heard in the distance, and so were some voices. But you couldn't recall any of it for if they asked later.

There are moments in life that are blurs. Moments that move so fast you don't know where they went or how you lost them. This was one of those moments.

But usually those aren't moments that you remember the one boy you've ever loved. Because in those moments you're living.

In Y/N's only one of these moments, she was dying.

PRESENT ( jeremiah's pov )

They called me and I heard but I didn't understand. I didn't process it. I walked through the streets and back into the house and collapsed into bed and the tears flowed, freely, disastrously.

I felt numb and consumed, all at once. Tidal waves of emotion were crashing down onto me and an overwhelming grief washed over them.

It was your fault,

You should have been there,

You promised.

And then a faint voice, at the back of it all.

JEREMIAH’S POV

I remember when I first really met Sam, when we first really became friends. We were kids, four. Tate and Conrad were hanging out by the pool. We used to look up to them, with how much older they were.

Steven and Belly were sleeping. They’d gotten into Cousins just that morning, and they were tired. I was surprised Sam wasn’t either.

She’d always been calm in the most energetic way possible. It was one of my favorite things about her, how she did everything silly on purpose, considering every consequence. Even at the age of four.

I’d been sitting inside, watching TV. Probably Monster Inc. or something, I don’t really remember. Sam had walked in and seen me laying on the couch. She saw my empty glass, and picked it up.

A few minutes later she was back. In my glass was a smoothie. I didn’t know what was in it, but she set it in front of me so I took a sip.

It’s my favorite drink in the world now. Even if she hasn’t made it for me in over three years.

I invited her to watch the rest of the movie with me, and so she sat. When we were done we ran out to the beach, building a kingdom in our eyes.

Rows and rows of sandcastles covered the stretch of the beach we owned. Sam had found shells to make windows and doors, and I’d gotten sticks as knights. The next morning, the masterpiece we’d made was washed away.

But our friendship was formed to make up for it, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

I stayed where Sam had left me for a while, until everything finally felt numb enough so I could leave. I walked down the path towards the house, recalling everything I’d said to her that night.

Sam was insecure. So incredibly insecure. She hated herself with a passion, hated her body, her figure. She hated her personality and her way of thinking. She hated every part of her that I loved.

Sam hated the way her smile turned up easily. She hated how when she ate too fast her stomach bloated, even if it was the tiniest amount. Her stomach was flat either way, but she saw things the rest of us didn’t.

When we were thirteen, the first week of the summer, Sam and I acted like we always had. During a party, I saw her with some boy. Sam had her first kiss at school. She told me about it after I told her.

When they kissed before she walked over to me, I got upset. Jealous, maybe. I don’t know. All I knew was that when she told me about things outside of Cousins, I never really registered it. Because it had to do with her, I remembered. I always did. But it never kicked in.

I knew boys in Cousins liked her. I was grouped in that category. But I’d never seen that she liked any of them back.

Over the summer I distanced myself. I did it subconsciously. I started noticing small stupid things. And only over Samantha Dupont would I ever overthink.

I started realizing my flaws and feeling insecure. Stupid things that I still hate. I play people, flirt with them. I’m scared of commitment. With Sam, I’d easily stop. I want someone who loves me like I love them, someone everything comes easily with. Sam is easy. With Sam everything is easy.

Or it was. 

I insulted all her insecurities that night. I hated myself for so long because of it. And that was when I realized Sam would never love me that way, because she never did.

I closed off my heart. I wore it on my sleeve but a whole different version. The differences were subtle but there.

I would always love Samantha Dupont. No matter what I did, I’d always care about her. She was my first love, and nights like these made me convinced she would be my last.

Some souls are connected. With history, feelings, maybe even personality traits.

Sam and I are connected. We keep coming back, over and over. No matter how hard we try, we end up at the start, with each other.

I collapsed on my bed, tears streaming down my face as I sobbed into my pillow. My lungs were coiled tightly, a feeling I hated having. The ache that vibrated through my body was horrifying, hitting in waves every time it paused.

I hated Jeremiah Fisher. I didn’t know why I thought this summer would be any different. But all those small moments we had, I’d thought they added to something bigger. Maybe I had overreacted. But my whole life, I was second to Belly Conklin. With Steven, of course. With Susannah and Laurel, always. With Conrad, although I didn’t mind that one too much because of how close he and I were, and how differently he viewed us both.

But Jeremiah. We were the same thing to Jeremiah, until Belly became more. And that was when I realized that no matter what happened to me, Belly would always come first. He’d always help her first. Even if he never clarified it, I knew. I always knew when it came to Jeremiah Fisher.

As my feet sunk into the sand, small grains slipping through my toes, I looked out at the beach to see a familiar figure. He was taller than before, but he was always growing more than the rest of us.

I approached him slowly and sat beside him, not turning my face. The waves crashed onto our feet, slipping away before any damage could occur.

“Hi.” Conrad spoke, taking a puff from his cigarette and looking towards me.

“Hey.” I turned my gaze to the side. Conrad was like a mirror of me, eyes slightly red rimmed and empty. Looks like we’d both had rough nights.

“Haven’t talked much this summer.” he blew out, a hazy cloud in front of him. I held my hand out and was surprised when he didn’t lecture me, instead handing me the cigarette.

I took a puff myself, blowing out before speaking again. “We’re such a mess.” 

Conrad smiled, taking his cigarette back. “When were we not.” I gave him the trace of a smile before staring right back at the ocean.

The ocean went on forever, not really, but in my terms it did. Looking at it made me feel small, but important. Like next to the ocean even I mattered.

“Jeremiah and I are fighting again.” I blurted out before I could stop myself.

Conrad sighed. “Remember the first time you guys fought?”

I thought about it, searching my memory. I suddenly remembered our first real fight, when we were eight.

I’d forgotten to tell him when my birthday was. Jeremiah forgot a lot, although he never forgot my birthday. That day he’d been busy, and I hadn’t minded. But when he called later that month, asking when my birthday was, and I said it had already passed, he wouldn’t talk to me.

We went April to mid-June without talking, before Conrad made us talk it out. When we made up it was like the house gave a huge sigh of relief.

“Yeah. You locked us in his room for three hours, and Jere hates not talking.” I recalled. Conrad nodded.

“You two could have worked it out without me. Honestly, I think you and Jeremiah could work anything out if you put aside your goddamn stubbornness.” he chuckled. “You guys are so alike, yet so different, and you balance each other out in every single way but your stubbornness.”

I thought for a moment, thinking through my words. “Jere and I only keep secrets because we’re stubborn, don’t we? No one wants to admit anything first.”  

Conrad nodded. “Just sit down and talk, Sam. Trust me on this.”

“Thanks, Connie.” I relaxed. We were silent for a few moments before Conrad started talking.

“I’m fucking everything up with her.” his voice was steady, like he was sure of himself.

“I know.” I looked at him. “But don’t be scared, Con. Be you. Shove everything aside and be the kid who danced with Belly when no one else would. She knows that Conrad. She cares about that Conrad. Although she’d care about you no matter what.”

Conrad stood up and held out a hand for me to follow. I took it, letting him pull me up. He hugged me lightly, like the echo of a touch, before waving and walking away.

I looked towards my house to see my brother walking towards me and I jogged to meet him halfway. “Tate.” I said.

Tate took my arm and walked with me towards the house. We didn’t say anything because we didn’t need to. Tate looked away while I changed, I looked away for him. And then we crawled into bed, his head at my feet, and fell asleep easily. Like we always had.

I’d woken up early that morning and decided to make breakfast. Normally we’d go over to the Beck’s house, but I didn’t think I wanted to.

When Tate walked in with Angela trailing behind him, I’d finished up the eggs. They were sunny side up, and I’d filled four plates along with bacon.

A fruit salad sat on the counter, next to three different cereals. I’d set out Nutella and syrup, knowing Angela would eat both. On top of that, there were pancakes, chocolate chips peeking out.

Jeremiah had taught me a lot as a kid. I could never escape Jeremiah in my life.

“Thank you,” Angela yawned, letting Tate lift her up onto a chair. He took his own spot and easily finished his three strips of bacon.

“That’s awesome.” he held out his fist for a fist bump, and I obliged, going along with him into our handshake.

Angela pouted. “I wanna handshake!” She stuck her hand out and I giggled as Tate started instructing her.

My dad was reluctantly dragging himself inside, although he perked up immediately after seeing the spread on the counter.

He slide into his own seat next to Tate, grinning at me lazily. “Didn’t think we’d see you two this morning.” I smiled.

“We decided to be with our family. Haven’t been together in a while, have we?” Angela nodded eagerly.

Tate took a pancake and bit into it, gaining a disappointing glance at him. He stopped before his second bite, letting me hand him a plate so he could load it with pancakes and syrup.

My dad finished his plate faster then Tate and I had, helping Angela finish her egg. “You’ve forgotten to eat, haven’t you?” I tusked, immediately loading fruit onto his plate. He shrugged, scooping over half the fruit up immediately.

I let Tate have my own bacon, taking bites of my egg and finishing it easily. My dad poured himself a bowl of cereal, grabbing milk from the fridge. I ate the rest of the fruit salad and helped Angela eat Nutella slathered pancakes.

Soon enough everything was finished. Tate put away the cereal and my dad put away the milk. Angela got on my shoulders to shelf the Nutella and syrup, letting me run her around the place afterward.

Eventually, we'd all settled in front of the TV, Gilmore Girls playing on the screen. Tate was laying across the couch with Angela on top of him, and me at their feet. Dad was in his armchair.

“Oh my god, Belly!” I fell back on her bed, a pillow smothering my face.

Belly laughed, jumping on the bed and snatching the pillow from me. I pouted, shifting to my side and looking up at her.

“You seem to really like him.” My voice was melodic as I teased my best friend. I giggled when she mimicked a cartoon character in love, clasping her hands together while she sighed dramatically.

Her expression turned mischievous. “And you and Jere, huh?” I made a horrified expression.

“Isabel Conklin! Jeremiah Fisher and I have unresolved conflict that we have no idea how to get past! I do not appreciate you turning our situation into a love story!” Belly jumped on me, fingers tickling my stomach immediately. I shrieked, wrestling her off.

“You’re gonna ruin your outfit!” I jumped off the bed, running away into Susannah’s room. “Susannah! Did Belly tell you she has a date!” I called, words echoing when Susannah looked up from her spot in the armchair. She squealed and clapped her hands. Belly trailed into the room, grinning shyly.

Susannah immediately pulled Belly into the bathroom, most likely to find a shade of lipstick or some mascara. I’d applied some blush, but that was all she’d let me do.

I fell back on Susannah’s bed, watching Belly walk back in with Susannah. My best friend stood in front of the mirror and after Susannah had fallen back into her armchair, she started applying lipstick.

Belly had worn a crochet crop top, adorned with little daisies. She’d picked out a simple pair of jean shorts, and her hair was flowing down her back. She looked gorgeous, in my opinion.

“You look really cute.” Susannah remarked, smiling at Belly. Belly rolled her eyes, putting the lipstick away. “You are gonna have so much fun tonight.”

Belly tucked away a strand of hair. “We’re just going to see a movie.” She said shyly. Laurel walked in a few moments later.

“You look nice, hon.” She smiled at Belly before looking down at me. “And you look like a stay at home sixteen year old.” I rolled over, standing up grudgingly.

“That I am, Laur. You got my job description right!” I declared, holding my arms up. Susannah giggled, looking towards Belly. “Although I swear I’ll dress up for the book party.”

“I can’t believe crop tops are back.” She turned towards Laurel and the two of them fell into old conversation. “Remember how I thought I was such hot shit in that baby tee I wore freshman year?” Belly handed Susannah back her lipstick.

“That’s because you probably were.” I demanded indignantly. Susannah and Laurel smiled.

“Have fun tonight.” Susannah looked over at Belly as she picked up her phone. I followed Belly as she walked towards the door.

Laurel faced Belly and I took that as my cue to leave. “I’ll see you downstairs!” I smirked at Belly, twirling as I skipped down the stairs. I walked into the living room to see the boys with controllers in hand, concentrating on their video games.

“Hey, Tate. How was work?” I leaned on the top of the couch.

Tate focused on his game, talking to the boys about something I hadn’t bothered picking up over the years. “Good, good. Sorry I didn’t see you.” He muttered, looking between the screen and the controller. Belly walked up behind me a moment later and I turned, gasping theatrically to join her side.

She took a deep breath. “See you guys later!”

Jeremiah was the first to look at her, and he took a moment. His breath caught while he watched and threw his controller immediately. “Damn,” he turned around the couch, rushing towards Belly. I backed away, feeling awkwardly uncomfortable.

“Are you kidding me!” Steven sighed. “Yeah, no, fine! Just abandon the game completely, Jere!” I smiled.

“You…look…hot.” Jeremiah twirled Belly around, pausing between each his words. Belly giggled, and I bit my lip hesitantly.

Steven finally turned around. “Hey, hey, hey. Stop flirting with my sister.” Always the overprotective one. Tate finally turned too, whistling when Belly caught his eye.

“Watch it, T. That’s my best friend.” I warned playfully. Tate rolled his eyes, facing the game again.

“You look good, Bells.” He called over his shoulder.

Belly groaned. “Shut up, Steven. You too, Sam.” I grinned.

“No you shut up!” Steven bit back. “You look good, though.” He looked back, stating it as an afterthought.

Jere chuckled at his friends. “You driving with us, or are you meeting us there.” I bounced behind Belly, laying a hand on her shoulder.

“Belly Button has a date!” I smirked, pulling away from her slowly. Jere imitated shock.

“I’m going to the drive in.” She smiled at Jere, shooting me a dirty look.

Jeremiah crossed his arms. “With who?” Belly’s phone chimed. Conrad finally looked back at Belly, straying his attention from the game. Steven was clearly pissed that his friends paid more attention to his sister than their game.

“Cam Cameron!” I sung, causing Jere to shoot Belly a look.

Belly looked at her phone and said bye, walking towards the mirror and taking one final look at herself before walking away.

“Jere, your clothes are in your closet. I took mine back.” I whispered in his ear as I passed, knowing Tate would screw Jeremiah over if he heard what I’d just said.

I floated towards the back door, racing into my house and running up the stairs. I passed Angela’s room to see my dad reading her a story, probably Cinderella.

My dad and I had a decent relationship. After mom, we had the same way of coping, so we helped distract each other. I took on more of a family helping role, and so did he, and in some ways we balanced it out. It distracted us both.

But my priority at the moment was getting ready for Laurel’s book party, and nothing was going to stop me from that.

I walked into the bookstore, scanning it briefly before laying eyes on Steven, Tate, Conrad, and Jeremiah. I smiled as I weaved through all the people Susannah had invited, collapsing onto Jeremiah and Steven.

“Ew, get off! I’m not cheating on Shay with your filthy ass!” I gasped, mocking offense as I moved to squeeze in between the two. I felt Jeremiah’s eyes on me, and when I looked up, my heart stopped. His eyes were so clear, so open, so blue. I’d never seen eyes like Jeremiah Fisher’s.

“You look good.” He muttered, looking over my head towards Steven. I let myself have a small smile before realizing who I was next to.

“You know, this shit is so boring. Can we go somewhere?” Conrad turned his head to face us. Jeremiah chuckled.

“Yeah, where?” Steven looked up from his phone.

“We could go into town, I don’t know, buy some weed from that guy with the Rainbow Dash tattoo.” Jeremiah suggested.

“He got arrested last summer.” I piped up, remembering the chaos that had spread throughout the Cousins teens. Nicole had told me about it.

Jeremiah groaned, head falling back. “Oh shit, really?” Steven chuckled.

“Yeah, I remember.” He looked at us. “You know, we could go to the drive in.” 

I sat up. “Nah uh. Belly would fuck you guys up if she saw you.” 

Tate laughed. “Dude, gross, no. I don’t wanna watch Belly hooking up with some kid in the back of a mini van.” Jeremiah playfully reatched.

I rolled my eyes. “Oh yeah, because none of you thought of doing that yourselves.” Steven was on high alert at my comment.

“None of y’all get to touch my sister.” He pointed around, causing Tate to hold his hands up.

Conrad looked towards us and spoke up again. “Yo actually,” he thought about it for a moment. “Let’s go to the drive-in.” I sighed, standing up.

“No, no way. You guys aren’t crashing Belly’s date.” I waved my hands around. Jeremiah laughed.

“Sammy, it’s fine.” A red hot fire blazed, crawling up my throat.

“Jeremiah Fisher. If we all had crashed your first time with whatever that girls name was, you would have fucked us all up. So you’re gonna leave Belly in peace, or I swear to God all four of you are gonna be in a living hell tomorrow.” I spit, watching Jeremiah’s face turn white. Whatever good terms we’d been on had been destroyed, and my words had gone to waste either way.

Conrad got up and tossed Steven the keys. They lugged up Tate and told Jeremiah they’d meet him by the car. I bit the inside of my cheek, storming out without thinking.

I’d walked a couple feet before I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around and stepped back, faced with Jeremiah Fisher. He’d always worn his emotions on his sleeve, and they were evident right now. His eyes weren’t sturdy like they had been, they looked soft, broken. Like he’d lost his sense of direction.

“You told me you’d never tell them.” He whispered, voice cracking. “I trusted you because you said you would never tell anyone, and you told them!” I stepped back, anger coursing through my veins.

“I trusted you before too, Jeremiah. And look where that got us.” My words were harsh, and I regretted them immediately, but I couldn’t do anything about it. Jeremiah’s face fell and he stepped back, letting go off my shoulder.

“I only said those things to protect you. I didn’t want to hurt you. I would never hurt you, Sam.” He pleaded, stopping me from continuing on my way.

“Well you did. And it’s too late, Fisher.” My voice was steel, and I hated the way I spoke, hated the words I said. “Whatever we had before? It’s gone.”