soft girl central

is there something about how an intersection of feedism and body positivity can exist? like we as feeders shouldn’t look at body pos models/activists like we do models. but ignoring the entire feedism community is not great on the body pos side, i think

idk it’s like obviously we, as a society, need to not be fatphobic. but it feels like the movement focuses on people who are naturally plus sized or gained because of illness. what is there to say about those who CHOOSE to be fat? not even choose to stay fat but whose ideal bodies ARE plus sized.

buckle up, cuz this one’s a doozy.

firstly i’d like to point out that the body positivity movement no longer serves fat people, it works against them. the movement was initially created in the 1960s for fat people by fat people (fat queer jewish women, in fact!) this group had a political agenda, calling attention to the real oppression that fat people face, criticizing the dieting/weight loss industry and how it controls women, and putting an end to medical discrimination and fatphobic systems. unfortunately, this message was boiled down and made digestible to the accepted members of society - “fat people are entitled to basic human rights, respect, and recognition” got squashed and molded into “all bodies are beautiful!!”

(see the fat liberation manifesto by judy freespirit & alderbaran, 1973)

body positivity’s roots are in the fat liberation movement, but the two couldn’t be more different. to preach only the message of “you should love your body!” reverts the issues that fat people face to a problem of mindset, rather than a systemic problem that keeps them oppressed. instead of telling fat people not to feel bad about their bodies, everyone should be working to remove the anti-fat attitudes and systems that make them feel bad in the first place!

but how did this happen?? well, in the 21st century, diet culture and beauty standards are still raging across the country. everyone has body image issues, including thin people. the message “every body is beautiful” sounds very appealing to people who have felt bad about their bodies. and when a space made for a minority includes the majority, the cycle happens again and the majority oppresses the minority. thin people start to take hold of the movement and center themselves.

body positivity becomes about learning to love your “flaws” - and those “flaws” are rolls, stretchmarks, etc. anything that (gasp!) resembles a fat body! it is entirely fatphobic in its rhetoric. thin people are capitalizing off of this without taking actual steps to examine or unlearn their fatphobia, while silencing fat people and their struggles. i could speak more on this and talk about how there has become a new standard of beauty within the body positive movement (for example, chubby/small fat people & people with hourglass figures are more accepted than bigger people, and this happens because thin people are at the center!) but i’ll just get on with it and explain why that is and how it relates to @sapphicfeeder’s original post.

so, why doesn’t body positivity intersect with feedism?

short answer: the medicalization of fat bodies + the moralization of health.

too often i see people saying “i’m body positive, BUT i will not glorify ob*sity.” please view this post to see how this statement is wrong in so many ways.

i’m just going to assume that if you’re fat positive, you know that body size is not a diagnosis and there are a bajillion reasons as to why someone is fat - most of which have nothing to do with diet and exercise. (if you’d like more info on this, contact me!) anyway, “ob*sity” is a dehumanizing term used to target and medicalize larger body types, typically in the absence of any actual disease. it’s fatphobic fear-mongering.

most uneducated folks put the blame on fat people for their size - saying it’s their fault, if they’d just diet and exercise the right way they’d be thin and healthy. again - untrue, and so many things wrong with that statement. (i mean, if anyone has heard this shit a million times, it’s us.) this fatphobic and ableist narrative has been adopted by thin people who think they have a say in the body positivity movement, and weaponized against fat people based on personal bias. they put a MORAL value on health, (which yes, is a classist, white supremacist, eugenicist idea) and in their eyes, fat = unhealthy. so the fatter you are, if you dare promote your body, the eviler you are.

so that makes feedists the evilest of all.

the truth is, we scare people. (tw: death) it has taken me so long to deconstruct the internalized shame from the media constantly telling me, “if you’re a feeder, you’re killing your partner.” before discovering fat liberation, for the longest time, i felt like being a feedist made me a bad person. and that’s fucking bullshit!

i don’t care about what thin people and fatphobes think of this community - but i do care about how we affect fat people. many fat models on tumblr have “FEEDERS/FETISH BLOGS, DO NOT INTERACT” explicitly written in their bios and under their photos. and there are multiple reasons for that, which we all need to be crucially aware of:

1. this community is crawling with predators. no wonder people think we’re evil! so many fat women have opened up about their experiences being fetishized without their consent by feeders and FAs. this is a huge problem. the people who do this have internalized fatphobia and are ashamed of their admiration for fat bodies, and it comes out in really ugly ways. we need to turn the focus inward, eliminate predators, embrace fat liberation and feminism, and show toxicity no tolerance.

2. we eroticize weight gain and fatphobia, which is super triggering to a lot of people! saying things like you’re “ruining your waistline” and most of the teasing/degradation that goes on in kink spaces adhere to fatphobic ideas! most of what we find hot goes hand-in-hand with the medicalization of fatness & moralization of health! eating “unhealthy” things and saying things like “i really shouldn’t, but...” or “look what i’ve done to myself” - those can be very hot, but yes, they’re fatphobic. and that’s okay, because it’s not real. (at least, i hope you don’t say this to people outside of kink spaces!) most of us have this kink because we’ve ALL experienced fatphobia early on in our lives. this kink exists because fatness has been demonized by society - humans desire things that are labeled taboo! it’s unfortunate that fatness is considered taboo in the first place, and that’s a big reason as to why non-feedist fat people are made uncomfortable by this. this kink tells them that their mere existence is taboo!

something that i wish was more clear to people is that the majority of feedists ARE fat positive - that we have experienced trauma regarding fatphobia & the stigma around weight gain, and that fetish/fantasy is a way to cope with that. people eroticize their trauma all the time, it’s a huge aspect of the bdsm fetish community, and i think we should talk about it more. from the outside, our community is viewed as a bunch of skinny people fetishizing unwilling fat people. i wish they would realize that so many members of our community have been fat all of their lives and that this kink strengthens their relationship with their bodies. i can see how to non-feedists, the way we eroticize fatphobia is very difficult to understand.

3. some fat people have expressed frustration towards feedees/gainers (specifically those who have not been fat all of their lives) for fetishizing and appropriating their trauma. i do not personally agree with this viewpoint, but again, it’s important to know that the viewpoint exists and respect it, since it is from the perspective of those who are marginalized and have faced oppression.

whew! okay. that was a HUUUUGE tangent! if you made it this far i love you. in direct response to @sapphicfeeder - yes, people who choose to get fatter deserve body positivity and to love their bodies! AND to participate in fat liberation. feedism and fat liberation MUST intersect because our community is made up of fat people! we have a responsibility to protect and uplift those in marginalized bodies (and when we don’t, things get ugly and creepy.) fat liberation belongs in the feedism community - but feedism does not belong in the fat liberation movement. that’s right! when engaging in fat activism, leave your kinky gear at the door! of course involving others in your kink without their consent is wrong, but also fetishizing fatness and the lived experiences that come with it can be damaging to others outside of kink spaces. please please please be conscious of how you’re interacting with spaces made for non-kinky fat people. but simply promoting the beauty you find in fat bodies isn’t fetishization - it’s just your view! :) and it helps to normalize fatness and appreciation for fatness.

✨Not every fat person who runs a belly kink blog likes being degraded ✨

✨Not every fat person who runs a belly kink blog finds their own body hot ✨

✨Not every fat person who runs a belly kink blog wants to be fatter ✨

✨Not every fat person who runs a belly kink blog wants to be fed ✨

✨Not every fat person who runs a belly kink blog wants to be your pig ✨

Additionally:

✨Not every person with a kink likes to apply that kink on themselves ✨

✨Not every person with a kink likes that kink in real life ✨

✨Not every person with a kink likes being DMed horny out of the blue ✨

✨Not every person with a kink is obligated to make you horny ✨