Kim[berl]y. 21.

Recently I have struggling with a very strange feeling, one that I am not sure anyone else may understand but is still extremely intense. As uncommon, weird or down right wrong it may be I have the sensation that I have lived this life before. Unlike a deja vu moment, where you are taken back by the audible or visual occurances that have just happened that you know you have seen or heard before, but more like this feeling of I have already had these thoughts, feelings, emotions and beyond that I understand what they feel will like in the future if I don't change things. What I don't understand is why I feel this inevitable doom when everything in life is good, great in fact. Is this just a strange and very intense form of fear? Considering there has been a shit storm of changes that have happened recently, even though they were 'good' changes, is this maybe what if feels like to recover from your world being completely shaken up? Or is this sincerly a gift from my past? Recieving a glimse into the future through feelings and thoughts with hope that I will learn this time and be able to change the outcome of my path. If that is the case what happens if I am not strong enough yet to make the changes that will redirect my path? Or if I am only going to psych myself out and make the wrong call? I just want someone to have the answer for me, but unfortunately I am afraid that we, as humans, do not come equipped with a instruction book for life or a trouble shooting pamphlet... 

Life has never made as little or as much sense as it does right now. I am watching my fantasy meet reality and I have never experienced anything quite as bittersweet before. I would have never thought it to feel like this. But maybe this is what I have been waiting for the whole time. I guess I will just have to wait and see.