B.E.N.

genuine sympathy displayed on benjamin’s features, showing in the deep crevices of a frown as he held several other napkins in his hand – the only thing he felt capable of doing without crossing the lines of personal space ( and truth be told, his own comfort ). “ he flirted with you? “ genuine confusion sounded in his voice, not because he found the act itself illogical but the timing, “ what did he say? is there such thing as an appropriate pick up line for such circumstance? “ 

in a split second ben’s head lifted from where it had laid against the back rest of his chair, eyes wide as he entirely missed the point of pridefully ‘ making it through the year ‘. “ the year is already ending?! it’s june !! last thing i remember is it being june — or july?! what month is it? “ 

albeit, ben found his head nodding in response to her presumably rhetorical question, the gesture in itself mechanic, coded into his brain rather than a natural reaction. “ i guess? i have been to one nice event thus far, and you’re right !! i wouldn’t wear it to the gym — partially, i should say, or honestly? mainly, because i don’t go to the gym. i have a jim, though !! i like to talk myself into believing that’s close enough. he, however, doesn’t really mind what i wear. although, he did mention i looked a little more... polished than usual, durng the nice event. i don’t know how much that speaks for me. “ his shoulders lifted, shrugging until he sighed: “ can you hold the door open for me, maybe? are your clothes made of possible door-holding material? “

“ hold on !! “ of course, ben had heard of the pokemon app before — just like anyone who had had a significant amount of bed rest in the years between nineteen ninety-six and two thousand eighteen and thus had the time to skip his way through eight generations of gameplay —  but he had also had the time to read all seven harry potter books. “ does the app sort me? into one of the houses? or am i supposed to know? i mean, i do know, already, but i would find it intriguing nonetheless to learn what house another device would put me in. do i have a wand? does it give me the wand characteristics? how detailed is the game, i need to know !! “

the tone in her voice – despite ben always having been nothing short of horrible at detecting the thoughts and emotions in the tones and nuances of someone’s voice – was a familiar one. jim had asked him one or another rhetorical question before, and needless to say, ben had fully ignored that very aspect of it and replied in as much scientific detail as he usually would. “ i didn’t realise there was an attire? “ he answered as though it wasn’t evident in the same few shirts he wore in the week... every week. “ is there...? an attire? to help someone carry something? “

“ i am... “ ben trailed off almost immediately with his sentence, her words going through the different stages of processing in his brain. he honestly wanted to reply with something smart or at least social, but he blamed an error inside his head ( god knows there were enough of them ) for a stupidly bland answer, “ i have no idea what you are talking about. “

ben's eyes flickered up, clearly snapped out of his own concentration by the other's suggestions of how holes had made their way into swiss cheese — it wasn't bad, of course, and the smile which mirrored on his lips suggested so. " that's almost right, actually !! " he nodded, " it's a bacteria called p. shermani, which releases carbon dioxide when it consumes the lactic acid another bacteria creates and thus forms bubbles. the bubbles then form little air pockets, resulting in the holes of the swiss cheese — so you could say it's air. you could also say this way it sounds more disgusting – at least I've been told it sounds disgusting – but it's quite interesting, actually !! " and it was evidently one of the things he did remember — whatever that in itself meant. his eyes widened a little then, a flash of panic sparkling across the copper colour, because the stranger jumped right in the holes of his head, like it was some sort of hopscotch — — but he made it; faster even than ben found the words in his swiss cheesed head to voice his fright. " you, sir, are quite the jumper, " he mumbled instead, " i'm good !! it's my brain. that– " and he gestured at one of the stacks of papers, " –part, for example, is the section of studies. that's where i take the knowledge about swiss cheese from, and you kinda just... skipped through my high school years — which is fine !! " he didn't want to seem like he was taking offense. he wasn't. " technically, i guess i skipped through them too. i don't remember much of them and the things i do remember? are of me not being there. "

" it’s a simile, “ ben explained, eyes focused, for once, not on the other but on the ground in front of him, “ a comparison, if you will. it’s a consideration of the similarities between two things — in this case, i am juxtaposing swiss cheese and my brain based on the similarity of holes. swiss cheese is known to have many holes – they are a part of its maturing process – and... “ he had to take a deep breath, exhaling as he started speaking again. “ my memory actually appears to have just as many holes — i guess i phrased it wrong..? i should’ve said it’s the amygdala, the hippocampus, the cerebellum, and the prefrontal cortex of my brain. honestly, i didn’t expect anyone to want to know as specifically detailed, but sometimes you get proven wrong, i guess. “

the smallest of smiles tugged at benjamin’s lips at the comparison of the room – ever the mess, but at the state of replicating his brain apparently all the messier – to her emptying an entire craft pantry. “ it does, doesn’t it? “ he uttered under his breath and truth be told, he did not know what that said about him, whether it was good or bad, whether his smile was softened with the fondness of tinsley’s memory or dampened by the consequence that he must be that messy if his brain was. he gave a nod to her question, eyes narrowing at the mess. " i remember a lot of things, “ he responded to her, perhaps even defending the suggestion of the question a little — he liked to believe he still remembered more than he forgot, “ like, the holes in swiss cheese? come from he bacteria p. shermani !! i can draw a map of the whole town of sunnyside, i can name every star constellation in the sky, i know the entire alphabet in binary code, but– “ his hand gestured vaguely into the direction of a large blank space, a perfectly clean spot on the floor, “ –then there’s that. “ her offer drew his gaze back to her. “ would you? no lies? no talking it pretty? “ his mother always did it that way, he knew it and he hated. he wanted to know everything. to learn, you always had to know everything. “ what’s the best? what’s the worst memory? “

her smile immediately began to mirror on benjamin’s lips, stretching them into a wide upbeat grin. for all he knew, it could be a simple suggestion; an attempt to get him, someone, anyone more intrigued with a topic she felt passionate about – not the offer to work alongside her – but it was filled with the warmth of kindness nonetheless and honestly? he kind of liked to believe it was the latter — or maybe it was jim’s voice echoing in the holes inside his head that everything uncalculated-ly good did not have to mean something bad, that sometimes beautiful people were probably just nice instead of cyborgs. not that he had believed her to be one... yet. “ i would like that, of course !! what a question. i just... don’t know how much others would like that..? i have to be honest, i have a bit of a reputation of forgetting things. i mean, i wouldn’t forget anything in that situation, obviously – i don’t forget anything as important as that – but the other racers don’t know that. i wouldn’t want to terrify anyone, i would least of all want to terrify you because you feel like you can’t trust me, does that make sense? “ because she could trust him, everyone could trust him to know what he was doing or at least be genuine about the fact that he utterly and entirely didn’t. he breathed out a laugh, head coming to a soft shake, because if he would’ve had all the time in the world to calculate the amount of possible ways this conversation could turn into, being invited to meet leena’s horses would’ve been one of the scarcer ones — and yet, here he was. maybe maths and science wasn’t always the smartest of solutions. “ i can imagine they are the sweetest and probably tall. like, on average around five or six feet tall. “ which, admittedly didn’t sound like a lot, but it was an impressive height to fall down nonetheless. “ i will raise the stakes– “ or lower them to the safe and sound ground, however you wanted to phrase it. “ –if you promise me i don’t have to sit on them, i’ll show you what my favourite things are. technically, you know them already. i don’t think anyone can walk through life with entirely missing their existence, but i am convinced a lot of people miss their meaning..? i’m talking about the stars, by the way. i have a telescope and probably know a lot more about those than my three bunny versus horse differences — ‘ probably ‘? definitely !! “ that, at least, he could say with genuine confidence. “ when exactly is soon-ish? i am quite flexible when it comes to time, but just out of curiosity. time’s a confusing construct. “ he chuckled, his smile impossibly brightening at what could probably be considered her rambling right back at him. “ i understand exactly what you mean. it’s quite difficult to talk to stranger who, well, don’t talk back. not that that has ever stopped me. “

perhaps a moment longer and more thoroughly than necessary, ben cleaned a specific spot on his glasses, his attention seemingly focused on whatever flick of dirt didn’t want to be removed from it  — in truth? it bought himself a few seconds more time to come up with an answer that wasn’t an immediate ‘ no ‘. he wasn’t a big fan of hating the things others liked – which generally, made hating most things quite difficult, which in itself was good – but the thought of setting foot in a race cart? “ no !! i’ll just built an electronic sign to cheer for you instead. “ he chuckled, only half-quipping; after all, he would at least feel comfortable doing that. technicalities, planning, and even fixing things together was right up his alley. he had a grasp for machines, he always had and yet, he would never go as far as dare call himself ‘ the brain ‘ behind anything. it was, however, a wonderful compliment every time and even putting his glasses back on couldn’t hide how his nose scrunched up ever so slightly with the flattery. “ horse back riding? “ ben replied, perhaps a little more surprised than he should be. it made sense. if you liked it fast and furious, fast and furry wasn’t that far off. “ i have never been on a horse, no. in fact – and i don’t know what that says about me or, consequently, about you – but i have never been near a horse. i have read about them though !! and i don’t want to brag but in second grade? i did get a star-eyed smiley face on our farm animals quiz, because i was able to name three differences between a horse and a bunny. “ he smiled then, head nodding at the list of food she liked to eat or rather the cherry flavour. he could remember that. cherries. maybe he could ask sarah if she’d be able to make some cherry pie for the benbow inn any time soon so he could bring at least one piece of it to the next grand race day. “ i like jim !! hawkins. you might know him? everyone who has eyes usually knows him. he’s the greatest; made of brilliance and carrying more gold in his heart than any treasure could ever bear. and morph !! she’s a whirlwind and breath-takingly smart – smarter, i sometimes think, than even she believes herself to be – because she’s all colours of the rainbow and more. you know how it’s impossible for the human brain to invent another colour? if anyone, i believe she could. “ he paused, a hand lifting to scratch the spot below his collarbone. “ but... you were probably asking about activities. i like to spend my time with them, does that count? or with people in general. i like to talk, maybe you can tell. sorry, if i am rambling. “

her suggestion caused ben’s eyes to narrow a little more, his brows tugging into a dark line of concentration. he was logical, always had been raised to be that way — and forgetting something? anything? it was never once a good thing. “ did i forget something? “ he repeated her question with hint of amusement lingering in his voice, a smile tugging on his lips as he looked down at the holes in his memories, “ i have forgotten... a few things. that’s the scary bit, isn’t it? that you don’t even remember whether they were important — but just by probability, by the statistics, by the visuals– “ and the gut feeling, but that wasn’t scientific enough, “ –i know i must’ve forgotten something important. it’s supposed to be right there... “ and he gestured towards a blank spot on the ground.

“ don’t move !! “ benjamin’s head had immediately snapped towards the person walking into his peripheral vision and thus dangerously close to the complicated construct spread out on the ground in front of him. “ can you walk around? — i mean... of course, you can walk around. will you walk around, please? i can’t risk a footprint being left on my brain. “ his eyes had wandered back to the mix of sketches and knick-knacks, conjoined at least partially by a red thread. now, however his brow furrowed at the odd sight and his presumably random seeming statement. “ it’s not my actual brain, it’s a depiction of it — a mix of memories? and non-memories. “ actually, now that he was looking at it with the eyes of a stranger who had no real chance of intervening his monologue, it looked an awful lot like swiss cheese. “ it’s not swiss cheese, “ he uttered quickly, glancing up at the person again, “ have you ever wondered how swiss cheese gets its holes? have you ever wondered about all the things you have forgotten? “  { @sunnysidestarters }

the sight of benjamin at church, although it might be an odd one for anyone and everyone who knew him ( and knew of his relationship to all kinds of religion ) wasn’t an unusual. he’d been the small child, incapable of sitting still, for all the years his parents dragged him, the injured teen whose mother was promised prayers in his thoughts and at last – and still to this day – the young man who accompanied his mother, helped wherever a hand was needed and fair enough, sometimes he did forget a name or two, or several, but at least he did so with a wide and bright smile, thus bringing joy even those he forgot. “ benji !! “ his head turned at the call of his mother, beaming at the sight of her with one of her friends — and no other but vidia vasquez. “ maybe you know vidia? her mother and i are just grabbing a quick coffee... “ ben already nodded, barely needing to listen to the rest of the explanation to understand that they weren’t supposed to join in on the conversation, but in complete truth? he didn’t really need to either. his attention had immediately wandered to the other, anyway, as their mothers left the scene. “ you’re vidia, “ he paused, eyes narrowing for a split second before he immediately added, “ i mean...yeah, you obviously are. my mom literally just said that, but— “ he blanked, not sure how to phrase that she was the vidia. “ i didn’t know your mother went to church here. actually, i didn’t even know that’s your mother — not that i’d know everyone’s mother, i just... i am... ben, by the way. “

“ if you mean that because human biology is fun– “ a smile stretched across ben’s lips, his head coming into a quick nod, “ –then yes, i do have some of the funniest facts !! it’s wildly interesting how the human body functions, and how, if there are malfunctions, a lot of the time it fixes itself. have you ever seen a machine fix itself? no !! because they can’t do that. they’re just dysfunctional, while most humans can be fixed. like, the second you get a paper cut, your body works on fixing it. isn’t that mind-blowing? “ 

a wide and bright smile immediately stretched across ben’s lips at such an unordinary question — unordinary, at least to him. “ i know every place in town. of course, i know where to eat, where not to eat or where to eat under certain circumstances; for example, at three in the morning, riding in a group of four on a unicycle, with no intention to get inside a restaurant? i know !! but don’t ask me why. “ he paused as if to wait for said ‘ why ‘ nonetheless, but interrupted the silence almost immediately again, “ right now? the best place to eat is the benbow inn !! “