For the Love of History

One of my favorite niche art genres is definitely “medieval Italian nobility absolutely pummeling each other in the face with snowballs”

Mighty Moments In Slash History: I Was Defeated, You Won The War

This weekend I visited Apsley House, once the London home of the Duke of Wellington. In a prominent position stands this statue, Napoleon as Mars the Peacemaker (1804–1806) by Antonio Canova. Since Napoleon and the Duke were famously on opposite sides in battle and there was only one winner (clue: not the French), you may be wondering why old Wellyboots had a massive naked statue of his archnemesis at the bottom of his stairs. Is it neoclassicism gone mad or Foe Yay in action?

Antonio Canova was very into the principles of Greek and Roman art, and insisted on making the statue a nude because that was Heroic and Classical and Manly™ and thus everything Napoleon was reputed to be. Then he presented it to Napoleon himself, who basically said “…um, okay” and stashed it somewhere discreet because it was much too “athletic” (ahem) for public viewing.

After Wellington’s forces beat Napoleon at Waterloo, the British seized a load of Napoleon’s art collections and presented the statue to Wellington, because well, who doesn’t want to gaze upon their unrealistically hunky nude nemesis on the regular? (I certainly do.) Wishing to seem grateful, Wellington chose to put the naked Napoleon on show in a prominent position in his own home. After all, Wellington loved Canova’s other work, and also had several portraits of Napoleon in his collection, wanting to commemorate his military skill, place in history, and worthiness as an adversary. So the statue was just one more bit of art, really. But because the statue’s massive and made of solid marble, he had to have the floor specially reinforced to support it, which was a commitment.

What I didn’t realize until I visited Apsley House myself is quite HOW huge the statue is. It’s over 11 feet tall. I am 5 ft 9, so when I walked up to the statue, the Napoleonic fig leaf was RIGHT at my eye level. Plus, the leaf covers Boney’s bone (sorry) but not his balls, which are plainly visible if you step slightly to the side.

So what does this mean? Well, Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington, was 5 feet 9 inches tall. So when he walked into his own hallway, a marble-hewn enlargement of his arch-enemy’s scrotum, the size of an overgrown grapefruit, was hanging RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS NOSE.

Ivan Aivazovsky (1817 - 1900)

The Ninth Wave

Between the Waves

Sunset over Ischia

The Rainbow

The Bay of Naples

Books in my Collection: