Bold of you to assume I have my shit together

okay yall there is zero subtext in the favourite……. the plot is licherally rachel weisz eating queen olivia colman’s p*ssy and ruling the kingdom then emma stone being like SIKE i got a mouth too bitch 

The Peel is an offshoot of the Onion but honestly if someone told me this was real slam poetry I wouldn’t even question it

Whoa. The MLA has officially devised a standard format to cite tweets in an academic paper. Sign of the times.

ebooks, Horse. (horse_ebooks). “Leg Butt” 18 Nov 2011, 12:38 PM. Tweet.

Reminder that Jon Arbuckle murdered Lyman in cold blood as a means to obtain Odie for his own cruel purposes

Not saying he wouldnt do this but SOURCE?????

….. what the hell

Lyman Deserved To Die And Jon Arbuckle Did Nothing Wrong

I mean, we’re talking about a guy who drank an entire cup of dog semen, so I’m not all that surprised.

excuse me what?

Couldn’t risk it.

didn’t realize they change colors. now I know o gotta wish.

THIS SHIT IS REAL I GOT THE JOB I WAS NUTS ABOUT BC I REBLOGGED THIS YESTERDAY maybe it’s a coinkidink but it okay just take the necessary steps to achieve what you’re wishing for and YOU CAN DO IT

uh-oh looks like the early results are in and theyre not looking good

sometimes you gotta ‘its not that deep’ yourself

people have been illegally dumping their old boats all around abandoned neighborhoods in detroit so this one newscaster on the local news station has been collecting them and finding out who the owners are by looking up the ID numbers on the boats and then she puts them on a flatbed truck and she brings them back to their owners wearing a fucking captain’s hat and she knocks on their doors and goes “hey we found your boat!”

Not all heroes wear capes

They wear captain’s hats instead