Unloveable

I get nervous when I talk to you, which feels ironic because at the same time, I feel so safe telling you everything. I can ramble on about nothing with you for hours, yet still worry that I might be too much. I think sometimes I carry this fear that my intensity is something ugly, something I should tone down. I’ve spent so long being conditioned to be smaller, quieter, easier to handle, for the sake of other people; that fully being myself now feels a little terrifying. It scares me that if I show up as I truly am, unapologetic and unfiltered.. I might scare you away. Maybe it’s the distance between us, or maybe it’s just me overthinking, but there’s this quiet fear that when you see me again, you’ll find me too intense, too emotional, just… too much.

Sometimes I peep your Instagram and want to reach out, but I don’t because I am not where I want to be in life. I feel so lame and I know I still have to work on myself some more. But you cross my mind every here and there and I can’t help but want to reach out. But if you were to message me I would reply without a doubt 🫠