Before I (we) Knew @before-we-knew - Tumblr Blog

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gothextramiles

Just very embarrassingly thought "is like I'm a different person when I have these pain flares." Wow, no shit sherlock. You've got Become a Different Person Disorder. It's almost like I had a coherent thought.

sparks-theastronaut

Imagine a superhero who's plural and each alter has a unique superpower

p3rf3ctcha0s

We think that we're experiencing something like dream reality confusion (DRC) related to [DID] memories of headspace interactions with a particular factive introject VS. memories of interactions with their source.

There are no third-party witnesses to the interactions.

We aren't out as a system to source, and it wouldn't be safe for us to tell them.

Factive is pretty new and doesn't really understand that they're part of a system as opposed to being the source yet, so they can't tell us.

We are going through a new trauma at the moment that's making us extremely spacey and switchy, and that's likely the reason for the confusion as well as the alter split.

So, hopefully, the confusion clears up when the traumatic event ends..?

We aren't likely to have any interaction with source in the meantime unless we initiate it ourselves.

But, we're feeling a lot of really intense emotions about the memories, and it's very difficult for one alter in particular not to reach out to source and pour her heart out based on the assumption that the memories are of source.

I think that it's best for us to wait out the unfolding events until we stabilise, hopefully then we'll just Know who the memories are of, but if not, then we can come up with a plan to reach out to source in a way that gives us plausible denial if the memories turn out to be of our factive not of source.

Has anybody been through this or something similar? Is this a common system problem? I know bpd folks get DRC, how do y'all deal? Can you give us any advice? Feels like we're drowning over here.

💚🫠 😭

Brain cells have turned into soup, all is mush, so many big feelings, feels like we took shrooms but we haven't done that in years. Mushy mush. What is a memory? I want off this ride. Who am I? Why am I? Do I have to be? I wish that I'd died instead of him. I think we're doomed I want to go back.

#actually did #sysblr #did osdd #endos dni #did system #system stuff #did community #please send help #bpd

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alliezweihander

"if you forgot then it obviously wasn't important to you" is an ableist thing to say and i'm tired of pretending it's not

alliezweihander

I've forgotten *my own birthday* before. There are several years of my life just straight up missing. In the past I've forgotten silly little frivolous things like NAMES OF LOVED ONES or WHERE MY HOUSE IS. But obviously none of that was important. Fucking awful, ableist thing to say.

before-we-knew

Sometimes, I forget my own name. 🫡

#actually did #endos dni #sysblr

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

why in hell's jingling bells am i having recurring nightmares about owning luxury real estate. who's out there beaming beachfront property listings directly into my frontal lobe. what's happening to me is this a death stage

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

ok now we've switched to 1980s runaway bride wedding comedies, which one of you fuckers stole the remote????

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

we've moved in the right direction and r switching wildly bt feminist horror and gay murder crime but would y'all PLEASE STOP FIGHTING OVER THE REMOTE

before-we-knew

@funnier-as-a-system

#even in my daydreams there is no peace

One: I may not like many individual humans who I know personally, but I think humanity on balance is a good thing and worth preserving.

Two: I literally loathe humanity, people are awful, all of them. I hope the planet explodes before we manage to infect another one.

Three: I love everybody and everything, and it's ok that people make mistakes sometimes because most people mean well deep down.

Four: I think y'all are unwell.

#actually did #sysblr #endos dni

fairycosmos

did you know that apparently if you try to act normal the normalness doesn't come through but the acting does. and did you know apparently everyone can smell this on you like a bloodhound

before-we-knew

I was about to contradict this, because I can fake being normal so well that I fool professionals, but then I realised that it probably doesn't count if you just tag team in another guy who lives in your head who dedicates themselves completely to being "normal."

Basically, we can fake normal for a couple of hours to a new person. Anything beyond that and the cracks start to show.

We're in the closet as a system - except for a couple of close friends and medical professionals. And all of tumblr, lmao. But we don't really try to act "normal" outside of situations that demand it. We just blame all our weird on the autism and memory issues that we are open about.

Almost everybody I've ever met thinks I'm fucking weird. But that's OK. Being weird is fine.

#sysblr #actually did #did osdd #endos dni

64mpg

what do you mean my childhood affected me

64mpg

i have terrible news

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That's not fair.

How rude to be hiding there.

A trap baited just for me,

Coiled in the cryptic key.

And over and over and over, I become new.

Over and over, I forget you.

Then, I dig up the grave by accident searching for myself.

How do I leave behind what's hidden?

Might be best unwritten

Let my id erase

The last few days

TLDR: I stumbled over a ptsd trigger in the solution to a cryptic crossword clue. Writing instead of drinking.

#actually did #sysblr #endos dni #did osdd

imots

json-derulo

I secretly enjoy the daylight savings time shifts because as someone with ADHD time-blindness it’s fun to watch everyone else get knocked down to my level twice a year

json-derulo

ohhh my goddd, you feel like someone stole an hour from you or shoved an extra one where it doesn’t belong? you were late to something because the clocks and the sun are colluding to lie to you? should we throw a party? should we invite benjamin franklin

before-we-knew

@funnier-as-a-system

onemillionfurries

PLEASE. PLEASE I REMEMBER SEEING A "WHO'S THE EVIL ALTER" DOODLE FROM YOU AT SOME POINT AND I AM LOOKING FOR THE TEMPLATE BUT I CAN'T FUCKING FIND SAID DOODLE AGAIN. FRIEND OF MAIN SYSTEM PLEASE HELP ME I'LL GIVE YOU A COOKIE

here's the meme and here's the doodle :]

what-even-is-thiss

I was watching a video game challenge run of all things when the guy said “The old versions of yourself aren’t ever completely gone. You just become more” and when I tell you that took me the heck out

what-even-is-thiss

It was in reference to growing up because he was roleplaying as a dad that’s trying to save every kid in the game.

That’s part of growing up. You don’t lose your past selves. You just become more. More new parts of you just get added on. That’s a way of looking at it that’s never occurred to me before.

before-we-knew

@funnier-as-a-system

#funnier as a system

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lakevida

legit just sneezed so hard i turned into a different person

#funnier as a system

"If I was easy to kill, you would have done it already"

- Hunter, Paris Paloma

Trigger Warning: Suicide

#actually did #sysblr #tw: sui mention #tw suicide #tw: suicidality

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