Firestar Kin

"Cut here."

For as long as I've done art, I've always tried to be very upfront and honest about my experiences with mental health, specifically OCD. It's always been my hope to shed light on the symptoms of this disorder so as to help others not feel so alone with their own struggles. It's hard when a disorder like this one gets so much innacurate relay through media. Cleaning, checking, organizing...there's just so many more subtypes that fall under those 3 letters. Just as I did with my picture on Real Event OCD, I wanted to recreate the experience of another subtype I've always struggled with: Scrupulosity OCD, or, the need to confess.

Scrupulosity OCD, or Morality OCD, is when a person has strong fears that they might secretly be a bad person. They fixate on past and present mistakes, often confessing or reaching out to others to confess and get reassurance. This often helps for a while, but the reassurance acts as a trigger, further prolonging the cycle. And the one way to combat the urge to seek reassurance? Do nothing. Sit with uncertainty. Be uncomfortable until your brain gets so worked up it eventually tires itself out and you realize it was never that deep in the first place.

It's...exhausting. The person dealing with this fear knows they aren't a bad person. They know deep down that they have more good qualities than bad, but OCD is VERY good at tricks. They don't call it the doubting disorder for nothing.

I was originally not going to post this. It's a bit more vulnerable than I want to be at the moment, because it's one of my strongest compulsions and something I'm struggling with right now, but I want to be brave and personal. I want people to know and SEE these struggles for what they are: Human 💖