a little middle of the night.

"okay." why not? small risks had been easy to take. they showed her growth, that she was able to be a newer person. someone braver, happy to be in town. a girl who went to the beach with a friend. "i don't have a suit." she said, though she didn't mind the idea of sitting there in her skirt and top. she could always roll up the sleeves, spontaneous as it was. "but, lead the way."

"i just have to put these back at my desk, and i can clock out." she wasn't strictly sure that was true, but she was trying to be more lenient with herself these days. she wasn't the one locking up, orion was. "i don't have a blanket or anything, if we go."

Location ⇥ Library

Evie pushed open the heavy library doors just enough to slip inside, the familiar scent of old paper and dust wrapping around her instantly as she glanced between the towering shelves. ❝ Bee? ❞ she whisper-yelled, careful not to draw the wrath of whoever was working the front desk tonight, though the urgency in her voice still carried through the quiet space. Her boots echoed softly against the floor as she wandered farther in, craning her neck toward the study tables and hidden corners. ❝ Bee?! ❞

it was exposure therapy to a wide variety of personalities. which she was sure neither she nor orion truly appreciated. the break in topic was welcome, and she seized on the idea. "i can propagate," she hadn't done it before, but it seemed well within the realm of possibility for her given skill set. what was a cutting amidst friends. they would grow on. "or you're welcome to come over and look at what i have."

"maybe a journal?" although, she hadn't seen many artisan stands that had the leather bound idea she was envisioning. she knew the carpenter, but that wasn't the same as a tanner. "hemingway favored the moleskin," her rugged carrollers, their creative ways. "i'll order him one next time i get mine." though she preferred the louise carmen, she could make exceptions anywhere.

"but— i think he'd like it on his nightstand." she went back to her first idea, thinking of the guest room that was still a half way to personality since she'd emptied the last of her boxes into her studio. even if he didn't read it, didn't touch it, it seemed to fill in something missing from the room. "homey decorations."

"nice to meet you fitz." she stood up from the desk with her mug so that she could get a better look at the portrait he was pointing to. it made sense, it looked near mirror accurate in the way she'd come to understand elio's vision. "i'm bee." full name, unneeded. she wasn't a better half, and she certainly wasn't a muse. she was the in between, the ghost replenishing the coffee. "the caretaker." she settled on finally, allowing the term to encompass her warm work, her office in the back waiting with typewriter poised. "someone has to watch for muses."

He still couldn't forget the look of surprise when the cashier recognized him, and that he had actual groceries for a change.

Jesse stood by the counter currently, frowning down at the glass of koolaid he sorely wished was something stronger. After what he just learned in his private life, that was the least he could deserved. But Penny was back home, and Jesse knew he needed to keep away from the bottle for her sake. Lifting his gaze to Bee, he wore a look of confusion. "Did ya just speak English?"

these past weeks hadn't been easy on anyone, but particularly jesse, who seemed to have a dangerous ebb and flow through the issues of life. it had been quiet, almost routine, and then charles. all information found its way to the light, just in time to make things truly complicated. she'd quickly thought of this house as jesse's just as much as it was her's— how right she'd been.

"it's french." she answered, as most things tended to be whenever bee as left to her own culinary devices. she could cook for recommendation, but she always came back to julia childs, trying to practice her way into being better at the basics. "unless you want something else." there was an edge to her question, the nervous tip-toe that still crept in sometimes when she knew there was a question that she should be asking but couldn't get up the courage. where to start? "it can be a chicken pot pie too."

"i think penny took my copy of catcher in the rye." but whether the cousins were actually reading the small library she'd amassed, she didn't know. there were other reasons for books to go missing, not to mention the constant re-alphabetization that they had to go through. "i keep looking for the outsiders. i think jesse would like that one." she didn't want to commit to the opinion, to be wrong, but a small gift was better than nothing. the constant repayments of the the lifts to work, the late night conversations. "or do you think he'd like something else? you know him better."

"A town much like any other." She mocked back, rolling her eyes and turning to face the woman with a bit of a huff of annoyance. "For a poet, you're incredibly unimaginative in your conversation. It's frustrating." Pushing back on the table so she could stand, Sada made her way over to grab a plate and hold it out to the younger woman in an obvious but silent command to serve her a portion of what smelled so good.

"i had space." she did not, at first, have anything that approximated space. she and jesse had emptied out the spare room of all its books and clutter before it could comfortably hold a full bed. and penny, sleeping on the couch with thrifted knit blankets and half drank mugs of tea. "and, i like the company." she was surprised to find that she genuinely did. it had been a learning experience for someone who had grown up with only herself to talk to. "it feels nice, to be useful."

There was something about Bee, about the way she spoke and the conviction of existence behind her opinion formed from an outside perspective to Penny's situation. A neutral party with no stakes in the game and that gave weight to the advice somehow. She very much felt like how Penny had always expected a big sister might: Reassuring and sage.

Though Penny had always done for herself, had little choice to, she knew that wasn't what she meant, the words lodging themselves into her psyche and filed away under good life lessons. "Thank you." It was a whisper, something that came from the depths of a women who had lived here life so shallowly for almost as long as she could remember. "For trying to help me. I'm not... I'm not used to anyone but Jesse really looking out for me like this." She'd worried the inside of her lower lip been her teeth so much during this conversation she'd started to take the faintest hint of copper.

"i wouldn't be here if not for charles." she didn't often dwell on her past, she did not believe in hinting at something more terrible. it did no one good to pity her for the choices that she'd been lulled into accepting. what she had now, was built from the ruin of such ideas. "i'm happy to pay it forward." if that meant her home was for harts and cowens, then it was the simplest yes.

she didn't expect penny to wake up tomorrow suddenly deciding that there were major changes to be made. in fact, she almost expected for the woman to go running back to the man who hurt her all the same. it wasn't about a quick solution, it was about continuing to be there to remind her why the change was necessitated. "so— it's my pleasure to help you." she clarified, though it might not have been needed. "not holden reynolds, or your relationship. you."

Brows furrowing together for a moment at the question, Sada looked at her like she'd grown a third ear in the middle of her forehead, and then waved her inside with a shake of her. "You can bring it inside." Though can was spoken more like will. Taking a seat back at the table where she'd gotten up from, her glasses were slid back on while she studied the screen of the laptop in front of her.

"And how has your first few months in Carroll progressed?" She asked, though she didn't look away from the screen. "Is it everything you'd hoped for and more. Does it inspire prose?" The hint of amusement she had at the idea playing around both her lips and her tone.

the kitchen was a familiar place now, the drawers were easy to open, the fridge had a shelf for her to put the stew. she thought about sada's question more, the quiet preoccupation that she always made sure to give to a question. "it's been nice." she had her work and her job. her home was busy with jesse and penny's schedules. she learned to enjoy cooking, to enjoy coffee shops, to talk more about ideas in the abstract. "a town much like any other."

Bee was so... soft. She was quiet, and kind of jumpy. She reminded Penny of a scared bunny sometimes, but yet she was still this strong, classy, woman with her own home, and her own identity. She looked up to her immensely, and if Bee could do it, surely Penny could, too. Maybe Penny could be classy, too, some day. "Maybe I could be anything, right? The world is possibility?" It was corny, but she'd heard someone say that once.

"some days." she wasn't going to begin a lecture about how progress was not linear. that it took months before she finally stopped waking up at the creaks of floorboards and the smallest vibration of her phone. "most days now." rehab could only do so much, particularly when paired with returning to the environment that made one sick. still, she chose hope, she chose dreams. "but i do it for me. me, alone." it sounded selfish to hear it out loud, that didn't mean it was any less true. "you can't get lost that way."