08.01.19 Today I went to my first appointment at the specialist psychotherapy unit my referral from my old therapist was accepted and today marked the start of what I’m hoping is the next chapter in my life.

I hope 2019 is everything you wish for ✨✨

Me and my other half ❤️ I had a nice Christmas, good as my mental health would allow. Things are tough but I’m hopeful for the new year, I’ll be starting therapy at a new unit so hopefully next year will be a good one.

It was my birthday on Tuesday so here’s a cheesy pic from it 🎉🎈🎂

Thank you 😊 I did cardio to lose fat all over and lifted weights. To try help tone my upper body I did a lot of bicep curls, triceps dips / kickbacks, shoulder press, reverse fly, push ups (on my knees) and planks helped a lot too for my upper body especially if you do commando planks. Hope that helps.

Had a lovely day out at Chatsworth Christmas markets. This was our second year going and this time I was a lot more relaxed. We ate hog roast sandwiches and bought lots of yummy treats for ourselves, family and even the dog 😊😊

Thank you so much lovely anon ✨💕

Hey, honestly I just cut down on eating cake and chocolate and fatty foods. I used to love chicken wings and mini spring rolls but I had to cut all that back. I started working out and progressed from there. I currently haven’t worked out in over three months and have maintained. When I was working out and lost all the weight I was working out 3-5 days a week.

Thank you, I really don’t see it myself lol but you’re far too kind x

Who else is going to hold my hand while I have a anxiety attack and ugly cry in the middle of a car park. I love you more than any words could ever describe you’re my ⛰️

LONG POST / UPDATE: 14wks ago my therapy sessions stopped suddenly with no warning or real explanation. Last Thursday I had a phonecall with my therapist and to keep this all very short, I have 4 more phone sessions with her now as she isn’t doing face to face anymore and she also wants to refer me to another team. This will mean another long break on a waiting list while I get referred / assessed to see if this is the right place to put me. I’m upset, feeling very lost, passed around and as if nobody knows what to do with me. I’m trying hard to see it as a positive, fresh start new beginnings. On top of therapy worries my depression has taken hold with a firm grip I’m struggling most days to even get out of bed and when I do panic has started to happened again too. I’m still forcing myself out going places even parties but anxiety attacks are happening before I leave the door and I’m so sad and disappointed in it all and myself. The final thing is my dog has had a health scare which involves making a choice of whether to have a operation or not and the worry over making the right choice is driving me mad. I’m not really sure what this post is meant to be, I just thought I best share what’s happening why I’m not anything like I used to be on social media.

It’s from warehouse but it was in the sale and sadly I’ve just had a look and they’ve sold out ☹️ I had a quick search on eBay and if you search “moon and star necklace” some similar ones pop up xx

The angle is super strange these aren’t as short as they look in real life.

I’m so glad I can bring some positivity to someone 💕💕

Four years free of self medicating, four years since I’ve taken a pill to mess with my body, four years since I’ve drank myself silly to deal with the pain. It’s hard sometimes I want to give in and take the easy route but I know deep down it’s just masking my problems not fixing them. Proud I can say this ✨✨

Weekend drinks shout out to my fiancé for always been my photographer lol 🍍🍹🍍🍹

Awkward pose ahoy! 🙋🏻‍♀️ I’ve been out today on the bus, first time in three weeks. If I don’t keep up with things, keep a routine things become hard again. I was terrified and of course the bus was late but I did it. I’m so proud of myself ✨