memes

taken from here & the comics. change wording/pronouns/etc as needed.

❛  sometimes i think you like getting punched. ❜

❛ you know there’s three and a half million women here? ❜

❛ good thing i took care of that. ❜

❛ holy cow. ❜

❛ you’re really going to do this again? ❜

❛ why are you so keen to fight? ❜

❛ ‘cause you got nothing to prove. ❜

❛ don’t do anything stupid until i get back. ❜

❛ i thought you were smaller. ❜

❛ what happened to you? ❜

❛ did it hurt? ❜

❛ is it permanent? ❜

❛ see? i told you. they’re all idiots. ❜

❛ i’m invisible. i’m turning into you. it’s like a horrible dream. ❜

❛ this isn’t payback, is it? ❜

❛ i’m with you until the end of the line, pal. ❜

❛ i don’t do that anymore. ❜

❛ it always ends in a fight. ❜

❛ i’m not gonna kill anyone. ❜

❛ i don’t wanna talk about it. ❜

❛ what the hell is that? ❜

❛ i knew this would happen. ❜

❛ all he had to do was say the goddamn words. ❜

❛ can you move your seat up? ❜

❛ we should get moving. ❜

❛ they’re evacuating the airport. ❜

❛ you couldn’t have done that earlier? ❜

❛ i didn’t kill your father. ❜

❛ we gotta go. ❜

❛ he’s gonna tear himself in half? ❜

❛ what’s gonna happen to your friends? ❜

❛ i don’t know if i’m worth all this, ___. ❜

❛ i know. but i did it. ❜

❛ was that the time we used our train money to buy hot dogs? ❜

❛ what was her name again? ❜

❛ what the hell? ❜

❛ i remember all of them. ❜

❛ i can’t trust my own mind. ❜

❛ where’s the fight? ❜

❛ not bad, for the end of the world. ❜

❛ god, i love this place. ❜

❛ not for sale. ❜

❛ you’re taking all the stupid with you. ❜

❛ gonna miss you, buddy. ❜

❛ i gotta get me one of those. ❜

❛ but she underestimates me...just as she always did. ❜

❛ i promise i'll listen to you. just...don't leave me here❜

❛ hey, i just spent a week with these idiots... i'm not showing off, i’m working out my frustration. ❜

❛ it's time for me to face the past. ❜

❛ my dreams are the worst i’ve ever had. ❜

❛ sometimes i think if you didn't have me, there wouldn't be a single person in the world who really understood you... ❜

❛ just cause I'm not him doesn't mean I can't honor his memory. ❜

❛ i try to imagine my life without her, and all i see is pain ...and heartbreak. but a least i'll be the only one feeling it. ❜

❛ people tell me... i've redeemed myself. and some days... i think that's true. other days... i don't. ❜

change pronouns as necessary !!

❛ because, apparently, randy orton is a dickhead. ❜

❛ bro, what the fuck? ❜

❛ that’s a hot cop. ❜

❛ he got dead good. ❜

❛ i love the shit out of ___. ❜

❛ i don’t know stuff but if you tell me what to do, i’ll do my best. ❜

❛ oh, right, i have to turn the car on before it does the drive thing. ❜

❛ let her know i’m dumb. actually, i’ll just tell her, straight up. ❜

❛ i wish it was more socially acceptable to cut your own hair without having a mental breakdown. ❜

❛ water break is not an exercise. ❜

❛ i shouldn’t even be in this class, i’m the journalist trying to go to afghanistan. ❜

❛ we’re gonna get our hedgehog on. ❜

❛ it’s not mathematically mathematical. ❜

❛ i wound up with a porn! ❜

❛ ah, the classic candyland characters...yellow, blue, green, and appa. ❜

❛ i heard you had a nightmare about charles manson last night. ❜

❛ is triple h a wrestler? not a serial killer? ❜

❛ we’re talking about real fighting here, let’s focus on professional wrestling please. ❜

❛ i only know his name as his instagram name, his first name is wwe, his last name is rollins....it’s pronounced wee. ❜

❛ the horse statue has a huge dick and balls on it. ❜

❛ ay! that was my cousin, man! ❜

❛ okay, so what if you have worms in your butt? ❜

❛ oh, she’s on the weed. ❜

❛ i’m not doing weed. ❜

❛ i just want you to know, the only one that hasn’t disappointed me today is ___. ❜

❛ are you getting a blowjob right now? ❜

❛ you ever go into one of these fancy hotels and trespass? ❜

❛ every now and then i do know where i’m going. ❜

❛ oh, go fuck a duck. ❜

❛ y’all wanna play four square? ❜

❛ if it’s the apocalypse and your movie is still sitting on the shelves, you fucked up. ❜

❛ oh, i’m zoomin’, dude! ❜

❛ i’m pretty close to nobody, so. ❜

❛ stop fussing over the onion. ❜

❛ it’s my justin bieber cardboard cutout. ❜

❛ i bought the dog a sweet potato. ❜

❛ why is she watching hannah montana? she is 21 years old. ❜

❛ my middle name is ___, at least i have that going for me. ❜

❛ he not even getting a handful of titty from her. ❜

❛ no offense, but the alamo could never. ❜

❛ goddamn, we did go to denny’s. ❜

❛ it’s either raining or that tree is peeing. ❜

❛ pay attention, fucker...fucker is me. ❜

❛ i don’t fuckin know what teal is. ❜

❛ is that jesus on noah’s ark? ❜

❛ i didn’t make no international purchase no fuckin where. ❜

❛ i’m proud of myself, i usually only have like 3 functioning brain cells but that required like 10. ❜

❛ i think the best kind of orphan is starving orphans. ❜

❛ i have like 3 brain cells at most. ❜

❛ last time i was sad at work, ___ walked me into the freezer and left me there. ❜

❛ you know how i feel about aaron tveit. ❜

❛ are we social distancing cars now? ❜

❛ doggies are horizontal. ❜

❛ i have exactly 2 brain cells. ❜

❛ but ___ was there and i didn’t wanna cry in front of him. ❜

❛ i forgot the point i was trying to make. ❜

change pronouns as necessary !!

❛ don’t piss in the snacks! ❜

❛ is that a turtle or a duck i can’t see the whole duck of? ❜

❛ it hurts like hell, you should try it! ❜

❛ i punch myself in the sternum too much. ❜

❛ he has a degree in bullshit. ❜

❛ pugs are adorable. they look weird, but it’s not their fault they look weird. ❜

❛ thank you sir, you have committed fraud. ❜

❛ wanna hit ___ with her own son? ❜

❛ i’m gonna check myself out in your mirror. ❜

❛ i’ll just pretend to know what that means. ❜

❛ ___, you look like a rockstar. ❜

❛ i would inject a marijuana if you died. ❜

❛ dolph ziggler?! where?! ❜

❛ does it bother you when i rub the glovebox like that? ❜

❛ that was a meaty slap. ❜

❛ fuck you, mcdonald’s. and your clown. ❜

❛ this is the second dick commercial! ❜

❛ i love the characters i’ve written so much & it’s a shame they were made for the sole purpose of dying. ❜

❛ did i ever tell you about the time ___ came to work just to roll a joint? ❜

❛ sailors sail & cowboys cow. ❜

❛ i just got my hair in my gravy. ❜

❛ i should’ve been aborted. ❜

❛ i have never so desperately wanted to kill myself. ❜

❛ hating yourself is so 2007. ❜

❛ my quality of life is rapidly depleting. ❜

❛ i think about the sun too hard & i burn. ❜

❛ that’s why wine drinkers are so angry, because people don’t know science. ❜

❛ ah, so the dutch are to blame. ❜

❛ those damn germans. first the nazis & now this. ❜

❛ this is the third adele song they’ve played, i’m about to set fire to this restaurant. ❜

❛ can you work out your titties? is that a thing? ❜

❛ i fucking love nature, shit! ❜

❛ human bodies carve like real pumpkins. ❜

❛ lefty loosey, righty tighty, motherfucker. ❜

❛ who gives a flying fucknut? ❜

❛ tall people is a very 80s thing. ❜

❛ not to be a boomer, but old movies are good. ❜

❛ it’s all the same bean water. ❜

❛ i don’t wanna be loved. ❜

❛ fuck me & my fat ass toes, i guess. ❜

❛ i’m not the only one who fucked up today. ❜

❛ sure, i’m not hitler, but whatever. ❜

❛ oh no, i dropped his erection. ❜

❛ everything sonic is dead to me. ❜

❛ i know way too much about paul mccartney. ❜

❛ i dropped my bruce lee. ❜

❛ today was not great in terms of my dignity. ❜

change pronouns as necessary !!

❛ don’t cheat on me you stupid little whore. ❜

❛ this bitch is really crying. ❜

❛ ya broke him! ❜

❛ he’s snorting, you got ___ to snort! ❜

❛ this is why you’re dead, carl. ❜

❛ it’s just a fuckin’ arm at this point. ❜

❛ lizard people killed jfk. ❜

❛ just undo that whole last 30 seconds of conversation from your working memory. ❜

❛ i’m getting diabetes just thinking about how sweet they are. ❜

❛ i mean, if i collapse, please call 911. ❜

❛ i don’t think i’ve seen you as a lost cause. ❜

❛ when a bitch got something to say, a bitch gon’ say it if she really want to. ❜

❛ i mean there’s always hope to change if you want it bad enough. ❜

❛ like honestly you can be what you want in this world, so i don’t think all hope’s gone. ❜

❛ my friend from kansas is a transgender pansexual tarot card reader stoner in a polyamorous throuple who does art and tattoos himself, bitch there ain’t no limits. ❜

❛ woah the bathrooms are different! what a life! ❜

❛ they’re open until 1, vroom vroom bitch. ❜

❛ i just wanna put food in my food hole. ❜

❛ get it right, get it tight, sis. ❜

❛ i hate her. i genuinely hate her and i’m gonna marry her and spend the rest of my life with her, but i hate her. ❜

❛ if you say hypothetical one more time i’m gonna hypothetically punch you in the face. ❜

❛ i love you to death but i’m gonna stab you. ❜

❛ i just realized i’ve been gripping my boob for an awkward amount of time. ❜

❛ guess what bitch, jingle bell. jingle mother fuckin’ bell. ❜

❛ christmas has gotten out of hand. remember when it used to be about jesus? ❜

❛ ay, squirrel, why did you do that man? ❜

❛ fuckin’ matt damon, that’s why. he’s a prick. ❜

❛ i thought nothing was bigger than the kraken. ❜

❛ she’s having the time of her life, she’s in a lesbian taco. ❜

❛ i hate you as an individual. ❜

❛ why is there a jesus pez dispenser? ❜ 

❛ snurf, snurf, snurf. ❜

❛ i think changing a dress into a shirt is the best thing i’ve ever done in my life. ❜

❛ you should never do drugs from new orleans. ❜

❛ look at it out loud. ❜

❛ i just love bread so much. ❜

❛ he’s got lie-abetes. ❜

❛ it’s called good cop-bad cop but you have 2 bad cops. ❜

❛ girls are like gods, man. ❜

❛ i’ve never met a french person in my life. ❜

❛ fuck the french! ❜

❛ i don’t understand coral, probably never will. ❜

❛ please stop saying cows in that voice. ❜

❛ you get more sexual the more you’re around cows. ❜

❛ i wonder what it’d be like if you tried to farm prairie dogs. ❜

❛ i am reaching the end of my awake time. ❜

❛ i just pulled jalapenos out of my asshole. ❜

❛ oh no, the cum’s gonna fall off. ❜

❛ hot po--------- oh yeah, hot pockets sound good. ❜

❛ people are not good pets. ❜

❛ how do they expect me to feed this child with no ranch? ❜

❛ i pray to whataburger with the holy scriptures called the menu. ❜

❛ i ain’t playing hide and seek to find a damn stapler. ❜

❛ you don’t need to have a goddamn thesis essay every time you’re trying to go down the road. ❜

❛ i don’t know why i turned into sean connery there for a second. ❜  

change pronouns as necessary !! 

❛ is it just me or does she wanna bone me? ❜

❛ i don’t believe in $10 bills. ❜

❛ this is why i can’t hold things. ❜

❛ where that onion went? ❜

❛ i almost died in this area too. ❜

❛ i will kill you. ❜

❛ i was having a little mental breakdown and it was great. ❜

❛ if she hated me i would cry every night. ❜

❛ i’m a whole bruja. ❜

❛ that ain’t got shit to do with shit. ❜

❛ if you get one hepatitis and then get another hepatitis it cancels out like pemdas. ❜

❛ someone needs to kill bambi over here. ❜

❛ isn’t ben 7 an anime? ❜

❛ my street is always peaceful and then i get yelled at by my neighbors. ❜

❛ i stubbed my thumb on my own ass. ❜

❛ lord phillippines 13:19 blah blah blah . . . ❜

❛ the only parts of the bible i know about are the parts that are wrong and contradictory. ❜

❛ if you get a call that i cut a guy off on the highway, i did, and i don’t feel bad about it. ❜

❛ his tongue was so soft, like wet satin on your skin. ❜

❛ are you ready for the best day of your life for like an hour?! ❜

❛ why were you sleeping in the first place, numb nuts? ❜

❛ everyone but me, eat a dick. ❜

❛ because i like bacteria. ❜

❛ you haven’t leveled up to drink water yet? ❜

❛ so y’all didn’t fuck? no? what the fuck?! ❜

❛ you fuck with your clothes on on the first date. we have zippers for a reason, why do you think our underwear has a little peep hole? ❜

❛ fashion, bitch. ❜

❛ that was such a cute sneeze. ❜

❛ whatever you say, stone cold steve austin. ❜

❛ holy fucking shit fuck, what the fuck. ❜

❛ it helps if you grunt. ❜

❛ if i’m scheduled at 7, i’ll be there at 7:15, you can count on that. ❜

❛ i might be fat but i’m healthy, i promise. ❜

❛ i was hoping you were gonna stab yourself with the fork. ❜

❛ i got a call from bexar country prison today, i thought that was interesting. ❜

❛ you’re not my mom . . . ❜

❛ he didn’t even say bye, i was pretty upset about that. ❜

❛ that’s not an excuse for butter hands. ❜

❛ everyone else can eat a dick. ❜

❛ fuckin’ ballsack. ❜

❛ throw the spaghetti at the cat. ❜

❛ you look like a whore, go to school. ❜

❛ bulbasaur can hear you counting. ❜

❛ it’s a big ball now. ❜

❛ just trying to hold my life together somehow. ❜

❛ they invented superglue for a reason. ❜

❛ he’s doing that weird pectoral muscle twitch, i hate that. ❜

❛ he t-bagged them in front of others! ❜

❛  there goes the neck, the whole neck. throw away the whole neck. ❜

❛ he picked santa claus up, that’s incorrect. ❜

❛ smack his pectoral muscles. ❜

❛ calm yourself, sir. ❜

❛ he grabbed that man by the peepee. ❜

❛ this is pornagraphic. ❜

❛ this looks like the purge but censored. ❜

❛ this maui-lookin’ motherfucker. ❜

❛ he’s being a whole fucktard. ❜

❛ we’re looking for a third, she doesn’t think we are, but we are. ❜

❛ why can’t you be abusive like my last relationship, i was losing weight like crazy then. ❜

❛ girl, it’s cold as titties. ❜

❛ i’m sorry, my app doesn’t say when it’s cold as titties it just shows the temperature. ❜

❛ you’re so homosexual, i’m getting concerned for your homosexuality. you have reached peak lesbian. ❜

❛ it’s like a whole thing right now. ❜

❛ everyone but me, eat a dick. literally everybody except me. ❜

❛ he’s an agent of semen. ❜

❛ my birth was a mistake. i am god’s mistake. ❜

❛ your existence makes me realize that god has a sick sense of humor. ❜

❛ guess what he did to fuck up his life today! ❜

❛ it looks like the grinch took a dump on your pancakes. ❜

❛ that was the worst lobotomy ever. ❜

❛ why does ___ eat poop? ❜

❛ only one fire, i’d call that a success! ❜

 ❛ more goddamn butter?! ❜

❛ we don’t wanna scare you with our homosexuality. ❜

❛ i really hate you as a human. ❜