"I just want to help..."

"I swear, before this is all over, I’m gonna show you that I can do something right. I’ll prove it to you; you’ll see.”

✗ Indie Ben Paul from TellTale Games’ The Walking Dead

✗ Primarily set in Season 2, but will roleplay Season 1

✗ Multiverse/Multiship

✗ Semi-selective

✗ Para, one-liner, gif/icons

✗ Willing to RP NSFW

Fuck, kill or marry

This or that

Personal questions

Creepy anons

Random questions

Advice

Love/hate

Anonymous secrets

And then Satan said “put the alphabet in math”.

Sometimes I think I’m sassy and then I realise I’m just too sarcastic and borderline mean.

Do my dark undereye circles and unwashed hair turn you on? 

I love sunglasses! Am I looking at that tree? Am I looking at your dick? Who knows!

This is the police, open up, tell me about yourself, don’t be afraid.

Raise your hand if you’re a lil’ bit of an asshole. 

Why don’t people do random nice things for me? You know, send me a message, draw me, paint me, send me three hundred thousand dollars.

I am three years behind on math homework. 

I don’t like your clothes; take them off. 

What if you start making car alarm noises when people you don’t like touch you?

Hey, is your girlfriend seeing anyone?

I get butterflies when I think about myself. 

When you see a good body and you just can’t think of a good pun. IT’s dev-ass-tating.

Umm… hi. My friend wanted to know if you think I’m hot. 

To quote Hamlet, act three, scene three, line ninety two, “no.”

I never run voluntarily so if you see me running, you should probably run too because something must be coming. 

I’ve got a masters degree in being ignored. 

I will do a lot of things, but admitting to my mum that I’m cold after she told me to bring a jacket isn’t one of them. 

Dads are either too nice or assholes; there’s no in between.

On a scale of fake pockets to nachos, how good is your idea? 

I’m alive, but only ironically. 

I’ve been in a bad mood since two thousand and seven. 

No, you’re not as funny as me. Stop trying. 

Just suck my dick, bro. I said no homo like, five times. 

I love it when people try to hurt my feelings because I don’t have any. 

-sighs- Why am I better than everyone? 

I don’t trust people who can look good with messy hair. 

If my jokes offend you - one; I’m sorry. Two; it won’t happen again. Three; one and two are lies. Four; you’re a pussy. 

If I go to hell, I’m just going to torture everyone by continually asking if it’s hot in here of if it’s just me. 

My love is like a candle; if you forget me, I will burn your fucking house down. 

Let’s play a game called “Guess My Sexuality”. 

I’m angry and quite offended that you don’t have a crush on me.