tales from a wandering lizard

Empty.

Like the bottom a shot in the dark or the consuming blackness of space between galaxies.

Post tour feels like that, like I can’t conceive of a way to finish a run on sentence. This wandering lizard’s tired body is Earth bound in Missoula safely, but the mind continues soaring through the voids of space as I try recollecting the amazing experiences I was blessed to share with a smaller contingency of the Mesozoic Mafia. Here follows truth weaved with fiction and tiny windows into a reptilian cyborg’s mind. 

 -8/20/15 E.C.- 

The air was thick, like Venus, when I landed in Missoula, Mt, for the last ever ever Total Fest. The Beatzmobile had been having cabin pressure issues but I was able to use my suit’s auxiliary oxygen to stay conscious for the decent into the thick smoke film that was collecting in the little valley from thousands of forest fires on the west coast and nearby mountains. I finished touching up my 33 minute video that followed the themes of Some Fun, Chinook winds, Sitting on the Right, Ice Cream, and Sweet Glow, then set out to mingle with humans involved with Total Fest XIV at the kick off BBQ.  

I stuffed my maw with yummy food and beer then took off to set up my outdoor set for the 8:45 slot. The wind was angry at the smoke, so it blew down my projector screen (my bedsheet) several times but Gargapus, T. Willard, and Abaci helped me out as the wind died down and some smoke cleared out. I started my set on time to a crowd of potential party animals and let them soak in my visual-sonic stories as the blood red sun set over the train tracks behind the ZACC. High point came when the warbling bass of Ice Cream *dropped*, with T. Willard and Abaci joining me on stage to rap about their intimate experiences with the sweet cold milky goo Earthlings seem to go nuts for. 

Courtesy of Amy Donovan Photography

The set closed with my personal story of being abducted by the greys, Sweet Glow, and was well received by a usually punk/noise interested crowd. 

I was pleased to see many of my Missoula friends in attendance and quickly shared words and hugs so I could pack up and make it to see Wartime Blues play, a band that enlists two of the T-rexodus touring mafia members. Crystal Beth and Brendadon. I was able to catch The Bugs, Wartime Blues, Lana Rebel, and a bit of The Oblio Joes that really tickled my scales. After the show I packed up a few days worth of clothes, some food, a toothbrush (super important), twigs and foliage for bedding, and of course all my equipment for 2 weeks of shows throughout the solar system. This was the beginning of T-rexodus. 

 -8/21/15 E.C.- 

Day 1: We began with a successful game of Tetris to fit gear and personal belongings for 8 people in 3 personal class Starway Speeders and blasted off out of the ash-precipitating clouds of North West America towards the Martian moon Phobos. We unloaded into a classy venue called the Pub Station that offered us a great stage with enough room for us to have our own personal bubble on stage and loud ass monitors. Old Sap kicked our 1:15 long set with his heart felt banjo croons and it became apparent that Phobos is very sparsely populated. I talked to the bartender and he said that a Comic Con was going on in the Stickney Crater not far from the pub, I presume a majority of the inhabitants were there indulging in cosplay shenanigans there. We also were playing an early show for that area, beginning at 5 pm Phobos bar time. As I saw it, the Pub Station was a great opportunity for us to tighten songs up for future dates and work out our stage plot. Another band rolled in after we packed up and were hoping we would stay for their set, but we had a 12-hour journey ahead of us to get to Silent P’s family Pteradome on Europa. Here’s a tidbit of what Silent P had to say about the Pub Station show:

 We were all tired from partying the first night of TTF, so we didn’t make it too far and camped out on an asteroid called Sheridan on the outer reach of the asteroid belt. Luckily there was a pizza joint open so we ate, then tried to sleep through a solar wind storm and meteor shower that threatened to blow us off the tiny asteroid. 

-8/22/15 E.C.-

Day 2: I woke up with a chill and went in search of caffeine. A nearby shop that was hosting the campsite had some dark hot fluid that passed for my needs and soon enough the dinosaur crew of Silent P, Crystal Beth, Brendadon, Gargapus, Saxasaur, Old Sap, Markysaurus, and Brontolicious took off for Europa. Passing through the edge of the inner solar system was, to put it enthusiastically, boring AF. Luckily we had some good tunes to carry us along. In the Blazing Star (gear rig) we listened to a lot of Gregory Pepper and J. Sherri. So tasty!

We arrived in the Pueblo province of Europa late that night, but Silent P’s Dad, Paul, had some Europaen salmon on the grill and welcomed us with generous talons. He let us stay in a house he is working on, which had a fridge full of Pueblo’s finest beer, and also encouraged us all to soak and warm up in his hot tub! Unbelievable first stop in the Jovian system.

Silent P’s brother also made us a welcome sign next to the house. 

-8/23/15 E.C.-

Day 3: Thermarests that are too small and deflate halfway through the night matter not for a hungover crew of dinosaurs that are about to play in a castle. About an hour and a half from Paul’s place, in the San Isabel National Forest of the Pteradome, rises up a magnificent fairy-tale building called Bishop Castle. We were honored to play music in the castle for about 4 hours, with pieces of the mafia playing different sets starting with Hot Tea with Honey, Red Onion Purple, then Old Sap, Beatzlevox, and finishing with Mesozoic Mafia. Throughout the sets, Markysaurus did some firespinning/spitting/eating/wooing the locals and provided a plethora of photo ops. The crowd varied from conservative families, traveling businessmen, punk rockers, and bikers, all of which you could see their aw and exhaustion from climbing up and down the castle’s stairs and spires. We climbed around ourselves and I have to say, Jim Bishop built one sturdy monster of a castle that defies the engineering part of my brain! Here’s some pictures and videos:

My return from Mars went not without incident, especially the one-sided heart-wrenching farewell to a certain robot, but I made it safely back to Earth with the Beatzcraft jammed full of supplies, equipment, Silent P the Pterodactyl, and his lovely Parasaurolophus partner Crystal Beth. A mid-flight collision of a tanker truck and a stray asteroid caused a slight delay that led us on a scenic route and several dead ends (in space? weird.) yet we made it in time to land legally in Missoula. 

I played a few shows in Missoula before preparation for the launch to Venus, including an opening slot for the Canadian band, Mother Mother. I swear the front man is Billy Idol... you decide for yourself:

Mother Mother is rock and roll for sure, when I first met the band they were all super kind and also shy but after they played and the fangirls flocked them, they were rockstars. Really nice rockstars, and quite good looking I might add. It was enjoyable, lots of humans I’ve never seen were there and I made some new friends. A few days later I played in a very warm, tiny art venue that was putting on a show called the ‘funny bunny circus.’ It involved multiple art exhibits revolving about a native Earth animal that exhibits extreme jitters, has cute long ears, and spends its waking life eating and fornicating. Fun.

Much needed down time for a few days while America celebrated its independence from a small island across the ocean, then I packed and launched for Venus!

The flight went swimmingly and the hubbub in this city, Nola, is very inspiring. I feel at home with the Venusians, almost like I have always been here...and I have been moulting for the first time since I can remember. There may be something to this place, possibly I was born here? All of these questions from my foggy youth pester me, but It is easy to be distracted by the soul of this city and this dynamic planet. For now, I spend days exploring, and nights drinking and meeting locals. Tonight I get to see Quintron perform! I didn't know he was a Venusian, but it makes sense. How could a human play a synth like that?