Bear vs. The World

Coming up: I’m tabling at Flame-Con in Brooklyn. Come by for some EXCLUSIVE convention materials… In the meantime, enjoy this. Or don’t.

Jean & Scott, Episode 11 by Max Wittert

(T: TallBlondNRich / IG: Max Wittert)

See previous episodes:

Episode 1

Episode 2

Episode 3

Episode 4

Episode 5

Episode 6

Episode 7

Episode 8

Episode 9

This phrase has been really getting on my nerves lately.

The premise is kind of ridiculous when you think about it. The very thought that I, a fat person, can convince people to become fat themselves just by existing positively in my own fat body. That just by being comfortable in my fat body means I drive thin people towards obesity.

Look, I understand a fat person may not be your cup of tea. That’s fine. But trying to push the notion of us being a negative image on people is wrong, and also a form of blame shifting. According to you, it’s not you, the fatphobe who has a problem; it’s us, the fat people, who need to change to fit your view.

I grew up chubby. In school I was the fat one people made fun of. Before coming out, I was told by my crushes that I was gross cuz I was fat. I wasn’t included in activities cuz I was “fat and lazy.” It took a big chunk of confidence and self esteem from me.

So I ended up doing what every other fat kid in school did–I dropped the weight. I got skinny, to the point where people said I looked sickly. Like I was green or something?

I thought it would make me fit in. It did nothing. I felt like losing weight didn’t make me any happier than I was. When I came out, I knew I liked bigger guys. But when I reached out to guys, I was flat out rejected cuz I wasn’t big enough for them. What did a low self esteem 17y.o. who previously experienced fat shaming do? He gained weight to try to fit in. Again.

I went from 110lb to 180lb. Though, Standing, I don’t look very chubby. And I get that a lot. Guys often mistake me for a skinny person and say, “you’d look better if you were chubbier.” Or worse, taking off my shirt and being met with disappointment. “Oh…I thought you were bigger.”

I’ve also seen on tumblr gorgeous guys who were chubby get bullied about losing weight. I don’t want to name anyone for privacy reasons, but often comments during weight loss were, “you look ugly now,” “PLEAAAASE DON’T LOSE THE WEIGHT YOU LOOK SEXY ALREADY,” or “if you don’t stop losing weight, no one will love you.”

It’s kind of clique-y. Like how it was with skinny people when I grew up, there are friend circles that don’t want to friend you if you aren’t big.

I guess to explain, the phrase is used most often by thin people when a fat person declares that they are happy with their body. According to them, we set “a bad example” and therefore “glorify” being obese.

It stems from the fact that the notion of a fat person being happy is so foreign to them. How many times have you read a comment, or a fat-positive article, declaring “how sad that fat person must be”? According to thin people, there’s no way a fat person could be happy. Surely, fat people must look in the mirror every morning with disgust and disdain, because they are fat and unhappy. That attitude then comes out in the form of insults and “concerns for their health”, causing that stereotype to be fulfilled, and the cycle continues.

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