&& I have read the right books,

That sucks, but eight years is still a pretty good run and I’m sure you got to have a few experiences that not too many people can get. What are you doing for work now? Too high is an understatement if you thought they were gonna come through with some actual lemonade.

Well, my day job is flirting with the people that come into the Footlocker, but if you want an official title then I’m an assistant manager for the time being.

Yes, of course. I’m proud of my time and I wouldn’t change any of my experiences, even if I could. I’m currently on disability and between jobs, I’m afraid. I’m not really sure what to do...I spent my entire life training for the military. My degree is from the Naval Academy. I’m at a bit of a loss in that area, if I’m to be perfectly honest.

Wow, a retired pilot, that’s pretty amazing. I mean on the list of jobs that are serious achievements that is definitely pretty high. How long were you a pilot for? 

Why, thank you. I did quite enjoy my job, so I have to agree...it was quite amazing. I was an active duty Naval Aviator for eight years. Ultimately I had to end my contract early due to health reasons, but I still miss flying upon occasion.

Yeah, who doesn’t love some titties up in your grill, am I right? But I’m good. Not really doing much. Work, work, work. Same ‘ol, same ‘ol. How’s the lil girl doing? She still cute as ever?

Haha. I suppose I didn’t notice the breasts, but I’m sure they were lovely. How has work been, then? I do slightly envy you...but I get to spend all of my time with Jordan, so I can’t be too jealous. And she’s lovely, of course. I’ve been teaching her to read and I have to say, she may be even smarter than I am.

I don’t think people go in there for the food- it’s for the tits, but I also have never been in there, so what do I know?

Ah, well...those were fine, I suppose? Perhaps you should take a visit and judge for yourself, as I was hardly paying attention to “the tits”. 

Hooters is underwhelming as far as everything concerning Hooters goes. Good for you though, gettin’ out there and experiencing a quintessential American classic.

I have to agree with you as far as the underwhelming nature of Hooters. Yes, I’m quite proud of myself as well. I’ve been a bit of a recluse for the last few years, and it was nice to be out and about again.

A lot more thrilling especially with the risk factor. If you don’t mind me asking, how long did you serve? That’s a pretty good discount. I’m surprised more restaurants weren’t trying to be nearly as generous. Was the drink at least worth it?

I served for about eight years. I had to cut my second contract short due to medical issues, but I was planning on making it my career. Ah well, everything happens for a reason. I personally got a lemonade, which was alright but clearly not freshly squeezed...perhaps my standards are too high for such an establishment.

More so bittersweet, have you seen the babes in Hooters? Amazing. But seriously, more places should honor y’all. I mean, does anyone really go there for the food?

I’m personally not attracted to commercialized sexuality, but I do admire those women for putting up with ogling eyes and perverted comments all night. I’m not sure how they do it, but they’re the real heroes.

Oh you called me dear, I love that. I am here for Applebee’s and their chicken fingers. You know I’ve always thought so, but you might want to tell my sister ( @blakesrutherford​ ) that because sometimes I think she forgets how darling I really am. Which makes no sense, if you serve your country you should never be concerned about whether or not you’re going to be able to feed your family. I mean no one should have to fret that but you’d think as patriotic as this god forsaken country is they’d never see their military folk suffer like that.

You absolutely have to try Honey-Chipotle Crispers & Waffles...they’re quaint, but surprisingly delicious. Oh, I’m sure your sister just loves to give you a hard time. Who could overlook your completely darling nature? Oh, I wholeheartedly agree...maybe someday our economy will catch up to our standards. 

This place is just starting to sound more and more awesome. I’ll smuggle out some breadsticks for you as a thanks.

That’s so sweet of you dear, really. They’re famous for their breadsticks, so I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

Ripe age of forty. Just kidding, How are you doing? It’s been quite some time since we’ve spoken. And I totally agree. Hooters isn’t all as it’s racked up to be. I prefer Tilted Kilt and Twin Peaks. 

Ah, Raquel. It has been a while, hasn’t it? I’m doing quite well...how are you? I can’t say I’ve been to either of those establishments, but some of my shipmates in San Diego were quite the fans of Tilted Kilt.

CARTER: Thank you so much for this incredible advice, oh my goodness.

CARTER: Are you a vet?

BEA: Happy to help!

BEA: Oh, well, I'm not a vet in the way I sense you're thinking?

Hey, to each their own. We can’t all be 45-year old white males, with socks in their sandals, finally allowed to go on a “guys trip” now that their wives have affairs with the accountants. 

That is an oddly specific description. I can’t help but wonder if you’ve been wronged by a 45 year old white male with socks in their sandals. I’d wonder if perhaps you were the accountant in that scenario, but something tells me you’re not.

Oh I like you, I like you a lot. Mainly because we felt the same after going to Hooters for the first time and we’re both appalled at the lack of discounts for military folk, particularly on such a day. I’m not even military folk but honestly anyone who fights to protect my gay ass and the ass of all Americans deserves every discount.

Thank you, dear! I like you, too. It seems we have a lot in common already, don’t we? I do wish I’d enjoyed Hooters a bit more, but it was a learning experience at least. Even Applebee’s is better than Hooters. You’re an absolute darling, aren’t you? I must say that while I didn’t do it for the discounts by any means, I also know a lot of service members who are struggling a bit financially. So the discounts really do help, especially service members who have a family to raise.

What kinda pilot were you? Also, Hooters is trash but at least you ain’t have to pay full price for crappy food. Or at all depending on how substantial this discount was.

I was a United States Naval Aviator, which is perhaps more thrilling than your traditional pilot. I didn’t have to pay for anything aside from my drink, actually, so no harm done. Unless you count the harm caused to my pallet from the bland food.

What a shame that you couldn’t have gone sooner! Did you have fun?

A fan of Hooters, then, I take it? I had a rather good time with my shipmates. We went out bar hopping afterwards and I have to say, it was the most fun I’ve had in a long time. I forgot how much those people can drink! They put me to shame. 

I kind of want to witness you being a backseat pilot. That sounds like it would be a lot more entertaining than any movie they’d have to offer. I can’t speak too much on the beach party since I didn’t go myself, but it did look pretty fun from all the Instagram posts. Did enjoy your memorial day with your friends? Isn’t it? Though I guess most restaurants don’t think they need to since they already offer us the usual 10 percent off on a non-holiday.

Hooters usually loses all its hype once you actually eat there. None of the food is worth the price you’re paying, and the entertainment they offer is not that great either. So you were definitely not missing out on anything but it’s good that you decided to try it.

You’ll have to accompany me next time I go on a trip then, dear. At least someone should be amused by my commentary. I had a fairly lovely time, thank you! I do hope you did something to treat yourself, as well. While I’m more than appreciative of any discount, Hooters was offering free meals. Can you believe that? I do have to give them kudos, despite the lackluster meal choices.

I have no regrets, but I’m not sure I’ll be returning. I like to try everything once, but I’ve already lived up to that quota at Hooters.