Bl00d.

I post edgy personal Vents here bc I'm tired of talking to myself. That shit is boring as hell :/

@bl00dystuffyay is my repost acc for silly stuff

TW for; s**dal ideation, SH, ED talk + other mental health related stuff

!!!I'm not glorifying anything here just getting some thoughts out my head!!!

Personal tag; #THE fag speaks Bs

I'm a fuckass retarded loser, don't try to get close to me, you'll regret it lol

I LOVE PREPARING IT

I LOVE EATING IT

AND I ESPECIALLY LOVE WASTING IT

ALONG WITH MY TIME, ENERGY, HEALTH, SANITY.

I LOVE FOOD SO SO MUCH

I AM A GLUTTON ALWAYS WANTING TO TASTE MORE

I LOVE 'EATING'

Worst thing? I like it. I enjoy eating guilt free knowing i don't have to deal with the consequences of it. I do it on purpose. I buy food just for the purpose of throwing it up.

I waste my afternoons, and I ruin my sleep at night just to 'eat'

The urge is greater than my will... i have no will

Soo basically..

I can't be with others, and i can't be by myself

I just don't want to suffer all the time

I crave fulfillment,excitement even

Peace and normalcy

"Just"...so many things i could ever only fantasize of, enough to feel close by but so out of reach

WHAT'S YOUR REASON ANYWAY? SCARED? YOU SON OF A BITCH, YOU AFRAID OF THE UNKNOWN? PUSSY.

YOU DUMB LYING PIECE OF SHIT WHY ARE YOU STILL ALIVE IF YOU HAVE NO REASON TO, IF YOU SERVE NO PURPOSE TO EVEN YOURSELF

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING????

It's been almost an entire week, and i can barely keep anything down, no matter how healthy or low calorie it is, if not with the guilt and the need to get it out of my system.

I'm so hungry, but i'm terrified to put almost anything in my mouth, and i know that even if i do eat, I'll end up throwing it up all because of fucking fear..

I literally hoard food i know I'll puke in the end; This, MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY.

Im just wasting money self destructing, it's humiliating falling so low

I usually don't care enough to fear for my health but my throat hurts so bad, I woke up tasting blood... that was kind of scary

But i can't stop doing this shit as much as I want to and it hurts me; I'm really trying to keep things down...I just can't, i feel sick

this is worse than when i sh'ed daily, idk what the side effects may be

This has progressively changed and gotten worse, so...

Thank you, me, for being so dumb and happy ed anniversary to me !!!!!!!!!!!

First that ed shit has been destroying me and now on top of that there's THIS realization???

I don't want to think, it hurts.

I feel so stupid and weak, i never had the guts to say anything

God im disgusting, Ig i kinda deserved it, I was always just a wimp with no spine

I wanna puke again. i feel sick just thinking about it. Why??? Why did i not communicate..

For years, i tried convincing myself everything was normal or that I was just too sensitive and everything was my fault because of my own thoughts but I cannot deny it anymore

All the signs were there, it makes sense

I was used, gaslit, and manipulated; maybe that's why I still crave that vile familiarity?

I've dragged this feeling of being dirty, disgusting..unclean i could never shake

No shot when I want to buy things online I get told to get a 3XL

AND THEY ARE NOT EVEN KIDDING??? like bitch, ok I know im fat but not THAT huge cmon gimme some credit

They fr shocked i can wear normal/small sizes 😭

And these are the same people that will comment on what and how much I consume btw

i legit feel like i'm going insane, I cannot tell if they see me as that big or if I'm actually big but in denial

I'm so afraid people still see me like i was before

I know,logically,I changed but I still look basically the same

Lowk want to skin myself alive

Lowk want to rip this repulsive face clean off

Lowk want to throw up until my stomach ruptures

Lowk want an illegal lobotomy

Lowk waiting to get plastic surgery

Lowk want to try drugs

Lowk want to get used

Lowk want to become so unrecognizable ppl don't even think im the same person

Lowk want to abuse this fuckass body until it gives up or somebody else notices and begs me to stop.

Lowk want to kill myself:)

I DO NOT want to see that shit. Ever again. Ever.

It's literally painful to watch, it's making me nauseous. I want to cry

I literally used to beg these people to stop shoving cameras in my face for this exact reason.

Yes, I am insecure AND I don't want to be perceived.

No, I don't care about keeping 'memories' if it means being remembered by the people around me as a fatass

I don't even trust these people keeping any image of me of any sort.. because I know they'll keep commenting on how i used to look and comparing it to now

Please, for the love of god may, they delete those videos, I looked like even more of an ugly fat mutt as a kid

This shit makes want to become unrecognizable in any physically possible way