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I wrote this journal around 3 minutes ago. I studied that the difference between present perfect and simple past is the using of adverb of time. In simple past, the adverb of time is specific. Besides in present perfect the adverb of time of past in is not mention specifically. So, If I distinguish between to of the is the simple past focus on the time of the event and present perfect focus on the event in the past. Today, I met with Lela in the school. That was met as usual like in the workplace. I chused on her in the previous Ramadhan. I wanted to get a relationship with her, but fate did not support our desire. So, I asked God to erase my feelings because crushing on someone that you couldn't be together is painful. Therefore, God accepted my wish and my feelings were erased just by deleting the conversation social app. Actually I still her can meet the best person as soon as possible because it was what she wants. I've been feeling that I'm not the right person to next with her to complete her half deen. Hopefully, she gets the right man that will assist her journey.

I have to finish this journal because there is interconnected idea when l had been drafting this eighteenth journal. Therefore, I want to make a new journal for the new idea. Just post what you write in that day. don't delay it.

What I can learn from that verse is I will take action to study, and work as gratitude express to Allah because give me think device and healthy body. Using this intention make me more calm and relax to face further challages. I will more ambitious and persistent to aim something because it is grateful expression. If I am lazy when doing something and nothing goals in this life, It indicated I don't grateful of my life.. :)

While you focus on difference rather than similarity to clear and distinguish ayat mutasyabihaat. It gives you lesson that you must evaluate again and what is make you different from other which will make others choose you! see you tomorrow :) * I write this passage in 13 minutes.

Tonight I will try to practice writing in 10 minutes based on the skill that I want to improve. Right now I am training in both simple and progressive tense. It looks easy in the beginning. But the important thing is that I have to practice it a lot to avoid mistakes when choosing either simple or progressive tense. While I'm writing this practice Hafidz is watching his phone. I also listen to music while I'm writing this journal. Okay. The time is already up. until left one minute. I have to stop this journal and see you in the next session. :) bye...

Mental - This is the role aspect that control every aspects above. You are born to be a champion. So, you must ask the power from Allah and don't to be the wakest person in your life. The Strongest Muslim is more like by Allah rather than the weak muslim.

Don't put till tomorrow what you can do today. It is the topic on this discussion and my journal. Sometimes, you lazy to do something and give an a "little" minute as an excuse to dalay or extend your duty. It may seem an insignificat activitiy, but for me it very dangerous. When you repeat that activity in a varoius aspect, it would impact your attitude, because it will become habit. I felt and experienced it that it affect to my work. I dalayed my thesis uncounsiously because "gimme a minute", and too easy for my self. That's why discipline is very difficult for many people who not used to do it. For instance, I didn't consistent to write this journal, make 2 minutes video, 20 times push-up every after sholat, practice IELTS test, study stucture of english language, and every schedule that I've made it usually didn't happen because that habit, too much blame the other for the mistake. You know what is the most pathetic? I blame my self and couldn't forgive. It's the horrible thing that I must change. So, for sake my self, I must change my self and not be a procrastinator. Stop scrolling phone more than 2 hours in a day, and be productive. You know how much the option and change that I've passed because I felt incompetent in a filed that should my be my expert. I only stress on my condition and compare my life and acvievment to the others. Just can you see at my written, there need a fixation and improvement to be perfect. But perfect is a result of the process. If my objective is perfect, it wuold stressing and I will came back to my habit, "give me a break". Moreover, I should focus on my process as I've said to my student that I appreciate their process instead of the result. It also one of the Japanese philosophy that don't to aim the perfection but focus on the process.

Every time we face the two conditions, either reality matches the expectation or the second one the reality doesn't match the expectation. While I reflected every steps that I have pass and see the failures that I have experienced, I sometimes blame the condition and myself. The often compare my self to other, so, I stessed out because I can't reach the same achieved that other can achieve. I became jealous when I saw the other achievement that I wished for. and then I blame the condition and myself. The more I blame the condition and the more I stessed even I blamme the god and desperate for my life. So, I the solution is I have to focus on my self and the possibillities for the chance. don't look down to yourself and stay positive. I know, there are not many chance for me as an mediocre and lower class person. when I want continue my study, I need a lot of money, and I have no much time in my age. I also have to sacrifice maybe chane of marriage I want to focus on sutdy. Seeking for scholarship is need high motivation and consistency to be to be woth to achiee that. So, stop every you face the mistake and the decision that have made. Allah knows you will take that decision. So, from now onwards, I will fix my mindset and my habit. Try change from a small thing, from now and from myself. It takes 30 minutes for write 2 paragraphs. :(. hopefully toworrow can be better.

One thing that interesting for me is that the more I older the more I like news about my country. When I was child, I hate about the news, especially political news. I think it's only a waste the time, but the time is passed. And when I was high school student, I started interesting to politic bacuse I have to choose my president. And a Indonesian who want my country grow to be better I watch the condition about Indonesia political and because of my chemistry teacher I opened my mind and interested about politic. That is I think. enough fo today. I think my writing don't improve since last time, maybe it's going to be worse. but it's okay. this platform I used as a practice media for my excercise. So, anyone who read this just ignore it. LOL. I only write what poped up in my mind. This is free write where I can writingfreely without worrying about the mistakes and stuffs like structures ect. See you in the next session. Hopefuly I can write better that this.

Today I will discuss the special feelings for some people, but some people do not consider that feeling special. I want to discuss Love. Actually, love is similar to other emotions in human beings. It is the same with anger, disgust, happiness, sadness, excitement, etc. but, why do some people use love as a special feeling that others? The highly state is consider that love is a god. It assumed that love is everything and can change people and the world. every relgion in the world is teacing a love and peace. there is no peace without love. Are you sure with that statement? I couldnot agree and before this essay finish, the library will close soon. So, see you in the next sessions. the important thing that I want to say is love can change person to the other personality, something i think that is very stupid lol..

Have you ever felt a desire to do something strongly, or don't you want to do anything in a certain situation because you aren't interested in what you have done? Yes, It is a motivation, a desire that drives you in what you do either bad or good. Sometimes it triggered because the event that happer in your life or others life. Generally it will come and relate to your life. Maybe you wanna be a doctor because you experience the bad related to your family or person who have you meet in your life. For instance, dr. Gamal has a strong desire to be a doctor because he reads the news about a scavenger who lost his daughter in the cart because he can not afford basic medicine. The scavenger pull the cart on the street. it's broke hte heart whoever see or read the new. That is an example of the motivation. Moivation can be gain from others. That's why the training of motivation is very rapid in early 2000. But based on what I heard from the research, motivation from others can stand in approximately three days and a week. the longest is a month. After that the motivation will dispread. Moreover, the strong motivation is come from the individual its self. As I exampled above about dr Gamal bin Said. That is the will which give you power to be consistent and you will be persistent in facing the challenge while you achieve what you want. In the last sentence in this journal, I pray to god to make me a good person who has a strong motivation and ambition both dunya and afterlife and avoid me from the poverty that lead me into kufr. I feel sad to watch my mohter and father try to survive in the last period of their life. I wish God to help me improve my skills and growth to change my life. Allahummarhamna... ya rozzaqqq, give a chance in my life to zakat mall 500 million in a year.

Everything in life must have a goal. You should know what you want to do when you go to the mountain or beach. When you study something you must to know what you want to achieve. If your intention is clear and good, you will be able to focus on the track based on the objection. For instance, if your objection is a graduate legal document, you will do anything to achieve that regardless of the process. maybe you will do Machiavellian. I mean you won't consider either good or bad; the result is important for you. Besides, if you study because you want to learn, you will respect the process and you will be patient to do it. Actually, this time me too long to write 2 to 3 paragraphs. I think my level is still in A2. I don't know what will happen to my test in September. That is my test for getting the professional certificate. I have to get a good score to prove that I'm a professional. If I want to go to Japan to be an English teacher, I have to master English, at least my CEFR has to be C1. Moreover, I must study hard in the last three months to improve my level. This time, my CEFR is around B1 or B2. So, I have to exercise more. So See ya tomorrow.

Today in this place, accurately in the unpam's library I'm very relaxing. the ambience is very smooth, calm and not much noise that can distract my mind. The distraction only come from my stomach and my phone. I enjoyed the situation that I hadn't felt while I had been studying for 4 years. My responsibilities decrease after I apply the resignation letter to my job. I think it's very tired, have to study and deal with complicated problem. So, this is the best feel and condition for me to focus upgrade my value. There are many ways for me to create the plan, to make the dreams come true. that is the emotion that I'm felt while I was writing this passage. There are many mistaken grammar but it doesn't matter because I want to write free without worring about stuff like that. Besides, I should improve my writing to corret one by one the mistake and master the English structure to reach the C1 CEFR level.

this passage took around 30-45 minutes.

Overall, The next step that I must do now is to make a clear plan for the day, month, year, and next 5 years. I also have to deal with my procrastination, because it will crumble my plan if I don't fix it.

5 days I skipped the exercise in writing English. I only write on Tumblr and have not started yet writing in Cambridge Write and Improve. Duolingo also I haven't started exercising. To write these two paragraph, I need about 15-20 minutes. So, I think my level is still in A2. In the end, don't be hopeless when you're still consistent. No matter how many you fall down, the important thing is you must get up more than you fall.