Olive in the District

Following a three month hiatus due to a fresh hell of work/because the Tumblr app doesn’t work for me anymore and I can’t post from my phone, I am back!

What better way to kickoff my first post for the New Year but to list my New Year’s resolutions, in order to hold myself accountable: 

1. Say grace before every meal 

2. Take the bus to and from work at least three times a week. 

3. Prioritize working out over other things, translating into working out 3 times a week. After a successful three week stretch of this, will try to add a 4th day.

4. Read 10-15 minutes for pleasure every night before bed. 

5. Come up w/ a bedtime and morning routine. 

6. Make a budget. 

7. Learn more about D.C.- first topic, gentrification. 

8. 1 blog post a week. 

My threshold for small talk with strangers is so low right now that I literally paid 3 x what a Lyft would cost to drive myself to work in a Car2go and look for parallel parking rather than end up with another Lyft driver who tried to life coach me and ask me about my provenance or hopes and dreams.

No I’m not a bus snob but I can’t get to work on time and take public transportation and sleep and get all the work done I have. 

Last week I legitimately hid in a bathroom at work because I thought the person behind me was gaining on me and wanted to try to talk to be so I aborted my mission to journey to the snack room.

Here goes my usual stream of consciousness musing on the first epi. Sidenote- Charlene jacked my format. 

Re Chris Harrison’s voice-over: Did she really fall deeply in love though? 

Re Rachel’s weave: Cannot get behind it. Do better ABC hair and makeup. 

Re Rachel generally:  "So talented at neglecting," great phrase. Love this girl. She's doing the lawyer schtick slightly less obnoxiously than Andi even though i still hate it. 

Re intro packages:

Sick ring joke dude

"Get this deposed next week" is not the right way to say that. 

LOL DEEtroit 

YAAAA bollywood 

Okay he is putting the wrong accent on the whaboom. idiot.

This sex guy is just no. "How many women have told me about the amazingness of my penis." Notice he did not actually answer the question. 

Diggy is the first normal guy yet! and super cute. 

Ok i like second chance state attorney guy

Re her first night dress: LOVE

Re Limo exits:

Peter- cute, terrible jacket, don't love the facial hair but seems sweet and normal

Josiah- Florida prosecutor. Fly suit yo. Great facial hair. Excellent legal pun. I’m totally stealing see you later litigator.

Bryan- okay okay real cute. Like the Spanish. She seems attracted to him. 

Kenny- ok i would not like the "pretty" Rachel comment. But actually seems legit and will probs get along well with the dudes which is always good. 

Rob- Dude what the hell are you doing on this show as a law student. 

Iggy- Not.cute.nope.

Bryce- meh fine. [ Rob what the fuck “rare that a civil defense litigator could put her walls down”? what do you even know?]

Will- Omg the Urkel guy. Liked it. Good voice.

Diggy- FRONT RUNNER.

Kyle- super cute. Seems shy. Aw yeah Jamaican buns.

Blake K- no. But that is sweet about his grandparents. 

Brady- Ew. not a good break the ice joke. I don’t even think that's how you break ice. I also hate black shirts under suits.

Dean- black never go back guy. Oh no sir that tie good god.  "What clever line do you have for me this time." Ew Rachel you didn’t like it you lie. 

Eric- yawn. 

DeMario- he needs to whiten his teeth but legit intro. He's being real obnoxious around the guys though. 

Blake Louisiana has ruined normal marching bands this one is lame. Oh good an "aspiring" drummer. No. No girl, just say no. 

Fred- Oh Fred that's a killer smile. OMG hahaha that's awesome that they went to the same school. Omg this is making me smile poor guy.

Jonathan- ok so he is a serial killer. BACK THE FUCK UP DUDE DO NOT TOUCH THE SIDES.

Lee- OMG how many freaking Nashville singers are we gonna have on this show. Also his shaved part is like way too wide.

Milton- that name has been ruined by law school. no dude do not growl. Also stupid facial hair. 

Adam- he shouldve just spoken french this dummy is fucking creepy. Diggy's face when he saw the doll was amazing. 

Matt- This penguin guy. Dying. 

[this ambulance makes me feel like I’m watching Unreal. Also they went overboard spraying the driveway] Grant- yeah the emergency is your tie.

Anthony- ew. 

Jamey- weird spelling. Snooze.

Jack S- another dallas attorney

Mo- that shirt.

Jedidiah- Uh did Jacob weep or did Jesus weep?

Mike Black- that was weird. Also he was not tall enough to play b-ball

Testicle guy- what the fuck. I would literally send him home right now.lucas. Gross he isn’t even cute. Dude. no.

Re the rest of the episode:

"it's like meeting a disney princess man." I’m dying

"you a lawyer and i'm a lawyer" bahahahhaa.

Have these guys never seen this show before. They are so butt hurt and petty. This is why the bachelorette is so much better than the bachelor. 

Wait how much older than Fred is she? 

Bryan. Aw yeah. 

Oh Mo.

Rachel is one step away from saying bless your heart. 

Oh stop purring" oh no this is his thing.It's not mine." HA.