My ED-Recovery

i’m bored with myself as a person maybe i should do some drugs or crash a car or stop eating again or pick up a nice smoking habit just to keep me busy

I just had cereal. I‘m doing this. I‘m recovering. Suck my d*ck ana.

my least favorite part of having an eating disorder is the constant arguing and bargaining in your head. racing thoughts all the fuckin time like, “okay I’ve had 75 calories today. I can have a banana and still be under 200. wait, 1200 is still considered restriction. how much would I lose this week with a daily deficit of 500 calories? I can do that. I’ll still lose weight. but not as much as if I fasted. no. just have nothing. you could lose 3.5 lbs. this week! just have nothing. people do it every day. just have a fucking banana. you won’t even be at maintenance. but what if it triggers a binge? think about your jawline. why don’t I just have everything I want and purge? what percentage can you get back up when you purge? hey google…” AND IT NEVER STOPS.

i may not show it 💯 but my brain really be feeling like scrampled egg

(80 cals)

anyone feel like they’re too rational to have an ed sometimes? like i know to eat if i’m about to faint, i can act normal when eating out with other people. i can’t decide if i’m deceiving myself or my ed and since when did i become two different people and i hate it.

It’s like it has an off switch around normies. And switches itself back on the second I’m alone again, lol

"fuck my eating disorder" i say, as i binge on everything in the kitchen as if that isn’t. a part of. my disorder