Maybe you're a little late, maybe you're a hurricane.

been really liking this song recently. super pretty

i wish there was more stuff to seek out on dealing with not being the gender your parent(s) wanted. i've been having like... weird gender thoughts recently and i untangled them and figured out i have no genuine desire to be a girl and in fact the idea of being a girl makes me feel sad and uncomfortable but i have this kinda subconscious belief that my maleness is an obstacle in getting people to like me and no one likes me and if i were a girl then people would like me. and this is like. ok well that's stupid cuz boys and girls aren't that different. no one cares what gender i am. EXCEPT. all of this comes frommm my mom because of course so much of my trauma comes from her and yet i still can't accept that maybe she's the one at fault here. all my trauma is my own fault i brought it upon myself of course :) sigh. anyway she. ugh i don't even wanna get into it but she wanted a girl so bad. so i feel like i'm disappointing her just by being myself. and i think it's been bleeding into how i think other people see me without realizing it