For this relief, much thanks.

AND YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF BEHIND THE WHEEL OF A LARGE AUTOMOBILE

AND YOU MAY FIND YOURSELF IN A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE! WITH A BEAUTIFUL WIFE!

- anything related to crouching. slowly going up to someone while crouching to be sneaky. spam crouching in “friend?? friend!!” crouching and looking down because you’re sad :(

- punching up in the air enthusiastically like “hey let’s go!!” punching the blocks underneath you rapidly as if moving your hands around in conversation. affectionately punching other players like you would pull someone’s ear.

- i dunno if this is just my group but full netherite players criting each other with axes and swords because it barely does any damage and it’s fun

- aggressive spinning to goof off

- almost-but-not eating something to make obnoxious noises

- that thing streamers/youtubers do when you can tell they’re staring at themselves in f5 to talk to an audience

- also, when you can TELL someone has paused to look at you in optifine zoom

- forcing yourself into swim/fly mode on land for maximum silly mode.

- waiting for someone to find where you are so you’re like. in a body of water going straight up and down with a riptide trident until they do. or just flying up and down with elytra

- getting in a boat on land and spinning in circles like “hey I’m bored let’s go”

- slowly swapping out tools either as a threat, or to dramatically reveal what item you have

- putting armor on as a threat, or taking it off as a “I’m relaxed” thing

- playing hot potato with a junk item neither player wants and chasing each other around with it

- i just think running around with a loaded crossbow out is really funny. you look like an oblivion npc

- loading up a trident throw but Not letting it go and holding it back as a threat

- rapidly flicking levers/opening chests/pressing buttons/etc to annoy the other person, especially while they’re talking

- closing a door in someone’s face

- playing a block in front of someone. they break it. you place it again. this continues for two more minutes

- jumping down at someone from a higher place like “HI I’M HERE NOW!”

- sitting in cauldrons. become soup.

- music disc dancing. moving around as much as possible for pigstep and slow crouching to cat

- being offended/sad etc and digging down a few blocks to sulk

- anything along the lines of a player taking time to make something for a joke. someone says “let’s talk” and the other busts out a crafting table and crafts a stair so they can pretend to sit

“Mom has been texting me for the last twenty minutes. She wants me to come home. It’s a four hour drive, when the roads are clear, and from what I hear everybody is trying to get somewhere right now. There’s no telling if I’d even-”

“Everybody else has left. All the other kids were picked up, the other staff left. They gave me all the keys. I promised to stay and wait for as long as- well. Even if some of the parents show up, I guess some of them won’t, so I’m just waiting. Until.”

[Clears throat.]

“A couple of people came after everybody left. Peter, one of Aidan’s fathers, gave me three hundred dollars for staying. What am I going to do with money? It’s- anyway. I kind of get it. He wanted to give me something.”

[Audio ends]

[Audio starts]

“They’re all between 2 and 4.” Sniff. “They’re so little. Too little to really- maybe if they were older, I’d have to tell them something. But um. I’m just- trying to stay calm and keep them happy and occupied. I think that’s the best thing, right now.”

[Heaving breaths.]

“I normally use this recorder to help me remember stuff. It’s just, uh, habit to talk to it. I don’t know. They’re napping, right now. I’ve got the baby monitor, they know that if they talk into it, I’ll come, so-”

[Sobbing.]

[Audio ends]

[Audio starts]

“Mom keeps texting, so I blocked her. I sent her a text telling her goodbye, first, but. I do. But these kids need me.”

[Sniff.]

“I tried calling their parents again, but I can’t get anybody. It’s just busy signals. I called the firefighter station, 911. I can’t get through to anybody.”

[Shaky breath.]

“I went out into the yard. Um, I think they can play. It’s nice out, and you can’t really see it yet. Little bit of a glimmer, if they ask I’ll just tell them it’s a plane, but it’s nice out and we’ve got hours before-”

[Murmuring child’s voice, indistinguishable.]

[Audio ends]