I'm editing some photos to update my Flickr stream, and so I thought "Why not update the tumblog also?".

This is a photo I took a few days ago, when a previously warm and super-sunny spring obviously played April's fools and hit us with more winter than we had in the whole winter season (snow has become less in this region).

Topic no. 1 here is of course the Ukraine war. That madness has been going on for a couple of weeks now. I listened to interviews with a war specialist to understand what led to this situation. Since the media ad political drama about big topics of the last years and all their undifferentiated reporting and opinion making I prefer to stay skeptic. To make clear: Invading a country and destroying it for reasons of gaining power and revenge is something I find utterly awful.

I hope and pray for the Ukrainian people. 🇺🇦🙏

Meanwhile, my fellow Germans pray for toilet paper (not again! 🤦‍♀️) and cooking oil. Grocery prices rise and rise, and leading politicians tell us to "freeze for peace", because suffering for the suffering or so.

I prefer working on less suffering, at least internally. Childhood trauma, ACE, childhood emotional neglect and so on have become a trend in pop psychology, at least in the US. I have a workbook about ACE (adverse childhood experiences) and there's some good information about the neurological/physiological aspects in it.

Long walk (short hike actually) yesterday in the sunny cold. I'm having a sore throat, which started the day before, so it maybe was a little too sporty for my condition. But the weather was what I longed for and I didn't break down. 😅

I was afraid of having corona, so I went to a test station. My test was negative.

I’m at season 5 of “Peaky Blinders” (it’s on Netflix) and really love that show. Although I criticize that the main character, an at many points heartless acting gang leader, is portrayed in a heroic manner, I didn’t want to quit watching this series. It’s a great production and offers many outstanding acting scenes (the conversations/fights between Thomas Shelby and Jewish gangster Alfie Solomons are superb!). After all, it’s (dark) entertainment, probably not very realistic, nor historically correct, but thrilling and nice to look at (besides the bloody violence that some scenes come up with).

Throw Back Thursday:

In the last weeks I had the feeling something’s bursting out of me. Maybe something like my “true self”, the stuff that was kept under control by fear and doubt. I had several conversations with a psychologist in the work rehab I attend and he touched something inside me, because I felt truly understood for the first time. I think he even noticed a part of my personality that I didn’t know I have and also therapists didn’t seem to see. And that psychologist has been much in my head. I’d like to talk with him about his professional knowledge (psychology!😍) and all the things on my mind. I suppose there’s a “Daddy issue” thing going on (not sexually, I can’t imagine having sex with him, not even kissing, my brain blocks it 😅). My guessing about his age is he’s about 20 years older than me. He’s been so much in my thoughts and daydreamings I find it weird and disturbing.

Today we had a conversation again, which left me sad and angry afterwards (I’m still feeling like that, actually). I told him I suppose to have stronger depressed feelings and thoughts and that I’m probably a case for a mental hospital rather than deciding for a career path now, and he was kinda like “You were different before your week off, more positive. You went back to an earlier point in your life. Seems the week off wasn’t good for you” (to sum it up). To me, that doesn’t look like he took my feelings seriously. Weeks ago we came to a point where I truly believed he takes me seriously and believes me, and now it’s destroyed, again.

I wrote him an email and hope he’ll have the time tomorrow to call me and clear things up. I don’t want to start my new internship on Wednesday with that uncertainty on my mind. Already feel shitty and lost and anything.😟