heavens to murgatroyd

this guy posted this video called “unethical money making hacks” and was like “i’m selling bullshit art!” and he was buying prints from kmart and covering them in joint compound and making interesting shapes in the joint compound and then selling it as “textured wall art” like sorry bro that’s just regular art you made art i know it feels like bullshit but you’re actually just making art rn

that guy with the urinal is laughing his ass off at you rn sorry bud

Normal groceries like milk or bread or whatever running out is whatever. Just anotha day. But when stuff like salt or cooking oil or rice runs out it feels like You’re supposed to be here for me and you’re leaving. You’re just like everyone else

call me a wish mouse the way she [remembers wish mice are creatures from a particularly gruesome dream my friend had several years ago and are not recognizable figures to anyone else] whatever

listen i know what it looks like i know about my history but i’m a changed mouse now. you seriously gotta give me that cookie right now. it’s not gonna be like those other times. i promise i won’t ask for milk. i won’t do any of that anymore. i was in a bad place back then. i’ve done a lot of growing. i’m breaking my old habits. i can control myself. that cookie looks really really yummy. i could seeeeriously use a treat. i’ll be super normal about it, like remarkably normal. okay maybe i won’t be normal but is that bad is it THAT bad yeahhh it probably is um. i’m sorry. maybe i don’t deserve a cookie. i’m a fucked up little rodent. i’m sick in the head for even wanting it. i’m sorry i always take too much from you no no no i’m sorry for all the negative self talk i know this is just making us both uncomfortable. i don’t want to stress you out again over such a silly thing. i’m okay, really, i’m going to be okay. i don’t need the cookie. maybe i want it a little bit but that’s fine right? okay, actually, it looks yummy and chocolate chip is actually my favorite and i think i would extremely like to eat it. and it would be even more perfect with a glass of milk please and a straw so i can sip it and oh god i’m sorry i’m sorry

Another reason why trains would be good is that most people are not good at driving