The Mental State of a Young Black Genius Conflicted

it's you

it's always been you

don't look too hard

for all you need

is within you

and between me and you?

often times our greatest pain makes us think

why?

as if an answer can excuse how we're

feeling

leave the "why's" for above and take what's important

the lesson

because you opened my eyes so I need to say

we all got ‘em 

question is we gonna  live through ‘em?

or let them live through us?

as u self destruct and blame the world

I’ve seen it all happen

just lookin’ for the one who goin’  believe me

small island big city dreams

understand it’s for me as a product of you

papa was a rolling stone

momma was forever underestimated

so what you get wit’ me? 

shit...

I’m overstated, probably underrated

no debate cause the esteem was embedded the hustle indebted

thanks to my descendance and my cousin on my pendant

I never walk alone.

so my journey is not my own.

thanks to my inspires that motivate my desires

who am I? just your inner side an inner guide.

solace in silence. beauty in  blindness.

 sometimes I wonder

will I ever know who you really are?

when you leave me in the dark

when you’re  all alone

I hope you are who you  think you are

and not who you pretend to be

like I pretend to know you but you always show me

lately it’s been like I can never get a read on you

am I missing signs

are we switching  sides

the letters u and I separate  you and I

is it do or die

or have I just been tellin lies

who am I?

smokin over you at sunset

memories of you of us

it’s never  been the  same

though time waits for no one

as I wait for us who waits for me?

dreamin of us why wait? 

maybe it’s just too late

the sun rises and

alone but never lonely so long you can’t control me so gone

built a fortress in my mental solitude above it all in my own altitude

we give we take we love we hate

the risk we take for love we make  I give, you take I take, you give

what’s left? who do we blame when it isn’t right? 

can I give you everything you need?

can I take all that you have to give?

to be BLACK  in America

can’t even breath and be BLACK in America

fuck where you from you only BLACK in America

kill, outrage, repeat the cycle of BLACKS  in America

you build a country you still BLACK in America

the American dream was never for BLACKS in America

fin. the curtains close, the show is over. yet the crowd doesn’t applaud.

they weep.. encore. encore. they plead. encore. encore. they scream encore. encore.

but the thing is the show was never designed for you and I.

but for the star and his glory his light and his story. on his own terms and two feet.

it was never made for us to scrutinize or wonder why.

but only to appreciate what we have when we have it and embrace our own show before we go:

imagine at 12 I thought I was the smartest kid in class and I had it all figured out

imagine at 18 I knew I wanted  to be a lawyer and things would just be that simple

imagine at 20 I thought I met the love of my life and things would be alright as long as I had her

imagine at 23 I graduated. but I couldn’t feel the win cause I was focused on a loss

imagine at almost 25 I thought I’d be an all-knowing adult, yet I feel like everything but.

ironic I learned more in what you didn’t say then what you did

is it simpler  to walk away than face what we did?

is it selfish for you to protect yourself? or  for me to want an answer?

ghosts we curse them but make them or worse

in the end  every end  is just a new beginning

in the end every beginning is the start of an end

in the end  it’s what you make of it and not what you take from it 

in the end will you close the door or leave it opened?

in the end  are you changed? or are you just the same person

you follow me I follow you you like I like you retweet I retweet

but do we ever know what people are really like behind the screen?

the person they are when they turn their phone off and live within their means

are you who you say you are? who you think you are? who you really want to be?

are you really the image you portray on the screen?

no numerical value can determine my self-esteem one like, one follower. a thousand likes, a thousand followers.

funny how we can bear our souls to complete strangers better than the people we know

you told me the lack of a father figure left you without guidance traits that’s you find and you question yourself 

I told you  to become a figure to kids without guidance was a big responsibility and I questioned myself 

both of us lost in this cycle we call life lost in this world full of strife at different points in the same race

uber driver I’ve run into one too many but not many who felt like this encounter like it was fate and not chance