For many years now there has been a tirade of abuse aimed towards Juice. Juice decays your teeth, juice is full of sugar, Juice will kill you, Juice is going to condemn you to the fiery depths of Lucifer’s very own private Juice hell where the only available flavours are eternal torture and everlasting pain.
These critics have forced my hand. They are the ultimate enemies of juice. You asked for a juice related death. Very well then, you will have my juice. Juice has retuned and it’s coming for you juice critics. There will be nowhere to hide when the juice floods into your homes and drowns you. Complain about the high sugar content when it’s somewhat aiding your buoyancy and prolonging your meaningless existence.
Well then, it has been a while hasn’t it boyos. In terms of astrology, we’ve basically seen the passage of many an epoch. You may have been dismayed to find that no new advice has been given by me over the past few months. For this, I must apologise. The life of a satirical horoscope blogger is never easy. In truth, I felt I had exhausted all available content. I retired to my man cave to meditate upon this dangerous thought. Has banter truly died out forever for every sign? I fear it may have.
However, there is hope. Upon my meditation, I came across this obscure internet video. I know it sounds far fetched, but please, bare with me. The connection between the demise of juice and the demise of banter is clearly a part of a greater circle. A circle that has been corrupted by an unseen entity. I urge all signs to unite against this threat, or the world will be a much darker place. Please, for the sake of your children, think of the juice...
