Another one full art attempt
why it looked more contrast before and looks more faded, and what is a reality uhhh
I want to show his colors like this bc feels like that at the end these details are hardly seen
there is too much text about how I'm fighting with myself and how dissatisfied am I
It feels like I've made a lot of worthless work that is not seen at the end. I write in "I don't draw" difficult robots and then as one of the examples I pick to draw Banshee-44 with more details than I usually draw for Exos. I love them but I don't think I'll ever draw them or other robotics as a full art ever again with all the hatred that I felt towards myself with not being able to draw it good and quick. It's more exhausting for me to draw perfect geometrical forms than something curvy and biological. I could give him a more human-like chest but went for the base Exo body (I would want to go after the first one that is much easier tho) The same goes with my Warlock where I don't understand and don't completely like his anatomy After drawing fully shaded pieces (and a more detailed Exo) I became more unsure if I even want to do them with my tiredness, laziness, nervousness and that I'm unhappy with the result after spending more time and energy. Before the New Year I did an unexpected test full-body c0*m for a lesser price that was thinking ($70) for the final pricelist, and I felt very guilty even
writing this downgraded price to the client (can't imagine how I planned to estimate and price more detailed things/bg). They were happy with the result but I still felt like I didn't do enough and wanted it to be better, but couldn't do it. I didn't finish my pricelist, didn't have enough examples and was not sure in that moment. Maybe I would be more eager and it would be less tiring to do sketch c0*ms but Idk abt their prices even more. I would use the one style(?) where I draw with clearer lines, colored, maybe. And also if anyone would be interested in these. I thought that another one with thicker lines (like where I drew Kyte-09 or Oryx) may be more unstable and messier to add as an option. I want things to be perfect and more detailed, rightly realistically shaded to improve my skills but at the same time it starts to exhaust and repel me more, I'm worried about my hands condition with pain and numbness sometimes. And when I do less it feels even more that it's not good enough, and in any form of my drawings I can't feel that its ME, and that I can't stay in one thing and find my style, that I would like and that won't evoke those bad feelings. So many years and I still can't understand myself and remain stable. And all my things don't feel alive and as "me" compared to others I don't understand how it's possible for my perception of my work to be that distorted if it is. Do people really can like what they do and don't feel any discomfort about themself not only for the rare seconds. It's tiring to carry self-hate that long through the process and then feel so disappointed after that much work. Was close to a nervous breakdown while writing this and making my price list, trying to contain my emotions and thoughts. This is very stupid and unreal. I got it to smth like this and without some big T.O.S. part that I keep evading to write + backgrounds/additional details in which I'm super unsure and guilty with rising a price for them. Not final of course. And I think I was stupid for thinking that the images can be viewed in original sizes with zoom so I don't need to make them bigger https://lodiumpricelist.carrd.co
