That Bitch

by disagreeing with me on this topic, you're aligning yourself with everyone else who disagrees with me, which includes the Chaos Death Cult, and they chaos kill people so....

we dont chaos kill that many people.

when youre inadvertently 1% too nice to a straight guy you can usually pinpoint the exact moment where he decides you must be acting that way because you want to fuck down on him crazy style and it is at this point that one would be well advised to have a cyanide capsule under a false tooth or an equivalent fast acting response

just helped an old old man log into his outlook account and we succeeded and he said “young lady, go in peace. we have accomplished this mission.” what an electrifying way of speaking…

*sweating, whole body shaking while I stare at a google doc* would he fucking say that????

I want a home mostly just to welcome people into it. There will be bowls of candy for guests, and the cookie jar is full. I’ll always say “I was just about to make a coffee/tea/cocoa, would you like one?” when somebody walks in. There’s lemonade and iced tea made fresh on hot days. Once it hits That Hour and they start saying they really should be going, I’ll remind them that the futon is always open, and I’m making cinnamon rolls tomorrow. There’s champagne and sparkling juice hidden on a high shelf just in case somebody announces their engagement or their pregnancy or their new job while they’re here. There is an extra chair in the living room, at the table, and on the deck, and it’s for you. I want to be able to say “if you’re ever in trouble, come to me.”

God will see you at the lowest point of your life, and say "what the fuck I thought I killed that thing." But you skitter too fast and you are too creepy.

so cool how advanced the algorithm has become, it literally only takes like a decade or more of spying on all my internet activity and then it can expertly curate a selection of 15-20 youtube videos that i don't really want to watch, and then keep showing me those videos over and over again for a week so i can scroll past them again. the future is now

i spot a plus size honey across the bar and start to chat her up until her bisexual boyfriend with a magic the gathering tattoo comes over and starts yelling at me so i turn him sideways so he can't make another action until his next turn

just watched a star trek episode about a planet that relied so heavily on it's computer system that they all forgot the basics of their own knowledge. and that allowed them to miss the fact that they were being posioned with radiation and nearly ending their civilization. because they couldn't use their own knowledge to figure things out. i bring this up for no reason in particular

charlotte web was all about her having babies and dying young. she should have been at the cluuuuuuubb

[Doesnt do it] [gets stressed] [gets scared thinking about doing it] [doesnt do it because it's scary] [keeps not doing it]

Look, I understand that you're going through some shit, and you know I'll always support you, but I just had to fight your shadow-self in the kitchen. Yeah, I was getting breakfast and the enfleshed eidolon of your existential alienation was shooting, I don't know, some sort of beam.

It banished the Froot Loops to a far and sunless realm. I really wanted those.