At some point in recovery/therapy you will have to face the harsh reality: there will never be anyone. Not like that, not anymore. And mourning that? That’s too much, that feels like a pain that cannot be survived. A pain that will swallow you whole, a pain that will drown you.

Therapists can offer a lot of support, but not like that. So maybe you want to switch therapists in hopes of finding someone who can (even though, if they are a good therapist, they can’t), or you would rather be without therapists because then at least they won’t have to suffer the pain of “someone’s here but they’re not enough”. 

Getting a little support, a little of everything we missed, a little of everything we want… Getting a little is worse, in some ways. Because getting a little bit activates the pain; it triggers the feelings of what we miss. Dripping a couple drops of water in an empty bucket makes you feel how devastatingly empty that bucket is.

you DO NOT HAVE TO FEEL THIS WAY FOREVER

the solution is reparenting yourself

YOU be the parent you wish you’d had. 

YOU give yourself comfort and love and acceptance (and ice cream and stuffed animals).

YOU talk to yourself the way a good parent would – tell yourself “it’s okay” and “everybody makes mistakes” and “you will feel better soon”. 

YOU can change the voices in your head. listen to those thoughts and hear whose voice they’re speaking with. your parents programmed those intrusive thoughts. and then ARGUE with them the way you were never allowed to before. tell yourself “YOU DESERVE NICE THINGS” and “YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY” until someday someday someday with enough time you CHANGE your programming into something BETTER.

It’s a process. it’s a looooooooooong process. I’m still going at it. BUT. it can really really help to know that the way you feel right now is not forever, and that you can re-parent yourself and start to feel better. that you have power now that you didn’t have before, and you can use that power to reinforce your programming and you can use that power to change that programming, and it’s all up to you.

OP is right that no one else can do it for you. you can’t get adopted by a new perfect family. your therapist / partner / BFF can’t do it.

but YOU CAN.

It took me a really long time to unlearn this. When I would get sick or have a “bad day” I would deprive myself of anything that made me happy. Watching movies, eating something I enjoyed, going for a walk, playing video games or just browsing online looking at funny cat videos. I wouldn’t let myself do these things because I was always told that if I’m too sick to go to work, or do homework, or go to school then I must be too sick to play Mortal Kombat or watch Unsolved Mysteries lol.

Whenever I wouldn’t feel good, which I later learned as an adult was due to sleep deprivation caused by my ADHD and depression (and of course the depression itself would cause me to feel like shit), my parents would tell me “if you’re not throwing up, then you’re not sick.” And when I would stay home from school (or even work in my later teen years) my parents would make sure that I didn’t have any “fun.” No TV, no movies, no games, no going outside, no arts and crafts, no books, no nothing. Just lay in bed and feel miserable.

I’m happy to say that I no longer do this to myself. Now when I’m having a bad day or I’m sick (cold, flu or whatever) I allow myself to do the things (within reason lol) that I actually love doing. If I’m not too sick to step outside for a few minutes then I’ll go for a walk. I’ll watch my favorite movies and if it’s a bad day or a cold (something that doesn’t hinder my appetite too much) I’ll eat my favorite foods. I don’t guilt trip myself anymore for having a “sick day.”

Just because you’re sick (whether physically, emotionally or mentally) doesn’t mean that you can’t do things you enjoy. You’re not any less sick because you watch TV. You’re not any less sick because you’re playing video games. 

Not spreading disease to your coworkers

Trying to relax so your body can fight the disease faster without extra stress holding you back.  

Too tired to concentrate for 8 hours straight 

Too tired to do laborous physical activity for 8 hours straight

Not risking aggravating your symptoms and passing out or vomiting on the job

Staying home from work does not stop you from;

Doing relaxing things, like reading a book, browsing the internet, or watching a movie. These things take little mental effort, and are not comparable to working. 

Doing some chores, or mildly laborious hobbies like knitting, writing, painting, or playing video games.  Just because you are shedding germs that could make others sick doesn’t necessarily imply you are incapable of physical activity. Even people who are recovering from a surgery that removed an entire organ can knit and play video games while they heal.  Part of their GUTS are missing and they are ENCOURAGED to do hobby stuff. 

Going outside for a walk. Fresh air and the sight of trees and animals is actually proven to help you heal faster. It’s a verified form of physical and mental therapy. I encourage you to do it. 

Feeling happy, feeling relaxed, feeling positive and stress-free; those things help you recover faster. 

Take note of the COVID virus. Some people feel perfectly fine while infected. They might feel like they have a tiny cough, or a little tired, but they certainly are not bedridden. 

However, it would SAVE LIVES if that infected person would STAY HOME and not go in to work or school. 

no….. No

Power Outage - Drama Moth