New here. My personality Is Heated Rivalry.

Shane and Ilya in the marching band. Shane plays alto sax, later drum major. Ilya is center snare. Yuna made Shane play piano as a kid so he can easily transition to marimba/vibes for winter percussion where he can spend more time with Ilya. Band camp. Field shows. The back of the band bus. Finals at Giants stadium. Macys Day parade. (Yes I grew up in the northeast can you tell?) Ilya fucks the entirety of the color guard including their gay captain. Shane seethes with jealousy but only inspires him to try and get better at blow jobs then wields his baby cow eyes at Ilya asking if he can practice on him. Even though it’s not a sport with penalties they somehow both get cited for improper use of a saxophone.

(Pg 41) Before their first kiss, he says “this?” And uses a knuckle to bring Shane’s chin up to his for a kiss. He resists the kiss a bit but finally surrenders once he feels Ilya’s fingers threading into his hair. Shane discovers he wants to taste Ilya’s cock, but doesn’t find the courage to do so quite yet. Knowingly or unknowingly, Ilya provides reassurance when he “reaches to cradle Shane’s face with his hand.” Instead of his dick, he “dragged his thumb over Shane’s lips” a precursor, which Shane surprises himself to see how naturally he begins to suck it, and how much he loves it. This subsequently brings Shane to his knees.

(Pg 44) “Look at you” Ilya says to Shane, which deepens Shane’s arousal. “His thumb brushed against his cheekbone and Shane closed his eyes and began to move his mouth.” An act of comfort and encouragement, a “good boy,” a “well done,” if you please. Shane begins to panic a little in his mind, worrying about technique about what this means, but Ilya brings him back with his fingers tangling in Shane’s hair, reminding Shane that “this was fucking hot.”

Yeah I did it.

Needed a daily reminder to stay committed to the changes inspired by this show:

More eye contact, making connections, being present, accepting I deserve love and sunshine.

Shane says his room is 1410. Because of superstition, hotels famously “don’t have” a 13th floor. It goes directly from 12 to 14, which we see the elevator numbers do after Ilya bumps into Yuna on his way up to their first hook up.

I can’t think of a better metaphor for someone in the closet. The 14th floor insists it is the 14th floor, people regard it as the 14th floor. As Mitch Hedburg points out, the people on the 14th floor, you know what floor you’re really on.

I watched the show first before reading the books and Rachel’s blog, I remember when I watched the show the first time I thought Hayden was queer and queer for Shane specifically. Then throughout HR, TLG, and dinner with Hayden, some of the nuggets we get about him seem to support this suspicion.

I’m looking for a fanfic where Hayden struggles internally with these feelings he thinks he’s having about Shane. Maybe he suggests to Jackie that he might be bi but he doesn’t know for sure and Jackie gives him a pass to explore that part of his sexuality. With her permission, now his thoughts about Shane go wild until he plucks up the courage to finally tell Shane. Once he decides to do so though, is right when Shane discloses that not only is he gay, but he’s been in a long term relationship with Ilya.

Poor heartbroken Hayden goes straight back into the closet because he certainly didn’t want to explore this with anyone other than Shane.