A person with an abusive nature will always register you standing up for yourself as an act of betrayal. Betray them.

Discoholic đŞŠ
Three Goblin Art
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Sweet Seals For You, Always

#extradirty
One Nice Bug Per Day
will byers stan first human second
Show & Tell

oozey mess
DEAR READER
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

â
Claire Keane
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
ojovivo

romaâ
Not today Justin

Janaina Medeiros
taylor price

izzy's playlists!
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from Canada

seen from Malaysia
seen from Australia

seen from TĂźrkiye
seen from United States
seen from Greece

seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia

seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from Sweden
@balmungblessings
A person with an abusive nature will always register you standing up for yourself as an act of betrayal. Betray them.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
An abuser doesnât change because he feels guilty or gets sober or finds God. He doesnât change after seeing the fear in his childrenâs eyes or feeling them drift away from him. It doesnât suddenly dawn on him that his partner deserves better treatment. Because of his self-focus, combined with the many rewards he gets from controlling you, an abuser changes only when he has to, so the most important element in creating a context for change in an abuser is placing him in a situation where he has no other choice. Otherwise, it is highly unlikely that he will ever change his behavior.
Lundy Bancroft | Why Does he DO That: Inside The Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (via fullpraxisnow)
Signs To Watch Out For
It occurs to me that while I may know what the red flags are when it comes to identifying when an online acquaintance may be a personality to keep at armâs length, it isnât general knowledge.
A person looking for a victim to abuse emotionally and mentally will typically go for the newest names and faces in the community - people who donât have a network, who might be afraid to initiate contact with better known names and faces; people who will not be confident that they will be taken seriously if they were to talk about this often uncomfortable and sometimes deeply harmful experience inflicted on them. In short, people who are easily isolated.
So here is a brief suggestion of things that are red flags, especially when taken together. It is just my thoughts, and it is in no way exhaustive.
They are instantly your best friend
Yes, we all want to be friendly and warm to people we meet online. But someone who is looking for a victim, not a friend, will be your best friend. Theyâll warn you about people you havenât spoken to but might be peripherally aware of - there wonât often be any details, but youâll be left with a nebulous feeling that this person is a bad person, or that person is mean for the hell of it. These people rely on you being so grateful to have someone to warn them about the potential trouble all around you online that you wonât question the fact that they are your only friend in this online community.
They have some tragedy they have to share with you straight away
Be it a personal tragedy, an intense family situation, or even their side of an online argument, they are the victim. Always the victim, they never did anything wrong. As before, they wonât produce links you can follow to see for yourself, or give many details about it. Itâs all about creating an emotional connection they can manipulate later.
They are your biggest fan âŚ
Everything you create is gold, thereâs nothing you need to improve on, youâre the best writer/artist/creator they have ever come across and the fandom community is so lucky to have you, but âŚ
⌠they need you to be theirs
Conversations turn often to them degrading themselves, their work, everything they create. Theyâre hungry for your praise, and you find yourself giving them praise and advice every single day. As you increase this level of warmth and encouragement, their own contribution fades to almost nothing. It is all about them, and because you are isolated, you feel stuck with them.
Suddenly, every little disagreement becomes an all out fight âŚ
Even the smallest difference of opinion is met with furious hostility, and you find yourself scrambling to placate them, to reassure them that they are right, to keep your friend. You have to take all the blame, the full responsibility for whatever they have decided is wrong, and even then, you will end up logging off angry or in tears because of the language they have used.
⌠but everything is fine the next day
At least, it seems so on their end. You, on the other hand, are now edgy, walking on eggshells, unable to relax in conversation with them, wondering what will set them off next. At this point, you might start to branch out, to get to know other creators, but it soon becomes clear that if you want to continue doing this, you can never mention it to your âspecial friendâ. It sets them off into that violently hostile temper all over again, every single time.
These are the behavioral markers that I have experienced, both in real life and online. People who display these will draw you in, isolate you from as many others as they can, and then will proceed to emotionally and mentally abuse you. Abuse includes threats of self-harm or suicide if they donât get their way, subtle degradation of your own confidence in your abilities, even attempts to use personal details about your life to throw you off-balance (one example, that I experienced years ago - my nephew had just got his first girlfriend; this person did her damnedest to convince me that his girlfriend was only using him and that I should intervene, an action which, had I done it, would have resulted in isolating me from my own family).
If you notice more than one of these happening in conversations with people online, please donât suffer it in silence. At the very least, tell someone else in the community what is happening. The only way to keep these things from continuing to happen is to be open and communicative about it. The more we talk to each other, the less these predators can pick and choose their victims. The damage they do is harsh and it lasts far longer than any of us want to believe.
Weâre a community. If someone comes to you with concerns like this, listen to them. Please.
Now that Iâm home, hereâs some screenshots just in case. Iâve addressed most of this, but thereâs one thing I noticed now that Iâm not at work and can really read the post.
The reason Iâm hesitant about it now is one of the false claims being made is that Iâve stalked people IRL and otherwise.
You really need to stop saying the claims being made against you are false, my friend. Because every time you do, someone brings up receipts showing youâre lying. Remember: You have 0 credibility, now. You continue to lie and try to make yourself the victim in this somehow. Iâm not going to believe anything you have to say just because you claim youâre really telling the truth this time.
Also, itâs not YOUR community you possessive freak. Itâs the community and youâre an unfortunate part of it right now. Â
@balmungblessings Feel free to reblog for archival purposes.
So, now that Iâve had some time to think about it. Letâs break this down.
Keep reading
Absolutely. Please tag this blog in anything that may have been overlooked.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
Hey yo, but apologies, real apologies donât consist of language thatâs liberally sprinkled in to make yourself look better than you behaved. Â
I know itâs really easy to convince yourself that people will never be satisfied with any apology you make, but really, this is not an apology, and the snippets below are just a handful of examples of the way your turns-of-phrase are unfortunately manipulative and self-victimizing.
I allowed my feelings of abandonment and outrage at an injustice to stew and mutate into a broad and directionless anger.
Nah dude, all you need to say in an apology is âI was angry and did the wrong thing.â By elaborating on feelings of abandonment, youâre putting the weight of your actions on something other than yourself. Stop it.
I failed to be the better version of myself I have been.
A simple âI failedâ is all thatâs required here. A reminder that youâve done better in the past is an attempt ( intentional or not ) to paint yourself in a better light, to take some of the edge off what youâre apologizing for. Stop it.
I am proof that people can grow beyond their immaturity, but that one still has to be vigilant about not falling into their old habits.
Everyone youâve hurt, regardless of whether theyâre wrong or right, would disagree. This is not something you add to an apology to them.  âI have to be vigilant about not falling into old habitsâ would be better. Heck, you could have left that entire point out.
I am not beyond succumbing to the worst inclinations common to all people.
Do I even need to address this one? This is literally the equivalent of âBoys will be boysâ. Â
To top it all off, insisting that youâre not open to discussing this further or posting about it publicly is a huge red flag. Youâre telling the people that you believe you should be apologizing to that youâre only interested in getting the last word, and youâre not interested in whether or not that apology could possibly mean anything to them.
If youâre really interested in apologizing and becoming a better person, please re-evaluate your priorities, your apology itself, and where you want to go from here. Â
Iâm only going to add one comment to this:
The person in question is using tried and true diversion tactics common to abusers, including downplaying their own involvement, and dismissing or inherently dehumanizing those bringing grievances up in order to reclaim some measure of control of their space and situation. It is not a matter of not understanding what is going on or the implications of what they say - or have gone to lengths to not say.Â
A very applicable read: https://www.pdfdrive.net/why-does-he-do-that-e19252304.html
There have been some very excellent posts breaking down the first non-apology from Oz. And now, after the first attempt was generally panned, Oz has made a second go of it: https://imgur.com/a/E9qELpy
As we consider Ozâs words, there is a point I would like to emphasize.
Apologies are an important part of the abuserâs playbook.
And as Lundy Bancroft states in Why Does He Do That?, it doesnât really matter if the abuserâs apology is sincere or not.
The salient point about remorse, however, is that it matters little whether it is genuine or not. Clients who get very sorry after acts of abuse change at about the same rate as the ones who donât. The most regretful are sometimes the most self-centered, lamenting above all the injury theyâve done to their own self-image. They feel ashamed of having behaved like cruel dictators and want to revert quickly to the role of benign dictators, as if that somehow makes them much better people.
This is the third time Iâve linked this image with regard to this situation, but itâs because it is paramount that we understand the abuserâs behavior as cyclical and the role that apologies play.Â
Itâs a little counter-intuitive compared to non-abusive interactions. Under normal circumstances, an apology serves to say things like âhey I messed up and Iâm sorry.â Itâs part of making things right with someone else, and itâs considered part of the social contract that if someone is sorry for what they did, they will try to do better in the future.
But in the context of the cycle of abuse, thatâs not what happens when an abuser apologizes.
Another quote from Bancroft:
After he has purged himself, he typically acts ashamed or regretful about his cruelty or violence, at least in the early years of a relationship. Then he may enter a period when he reminds you of the man you fell in love withâcharming, attentive, funny, kind. His actions have the effect of drawing you into a repetitive traumatic cycle in which you hope each time that he is finally going to change for good. You then begin to see the signs of his next slow slide back into abuse, and your anxiety and confusion rise again.
[Once more please excuse the pronouns and specifically gendered way Bancroft has written this book. He is addressing heterosexual romantic relationships because that is what he worked with most in his practice, but so much about abuse is common regardless of the type of personal relationship.]
Ultimately, whether or not an abuser feels sorry means nothing. If theyâre going to become a better person, whatâs required is that they change the fundamental beliefs, behaviors, and actions that made them an abuser in the first place.
So, letâs talk this second apology.
Keep reading
Oz. Your apologies are empty. Your words are meaningless. Â You want forgiveness? Â You want people to take things seriously? Â Here is what you do. No more fucking crusading. Â Â
You donât get to write callout posts. Â You donât get to convince one of your members to write a callout post for you as your proxy just so you can reblog it. (Like you used me for, shortly after I joined Coral.) You donât get to use your twitter, your tumblr, positivity blogs, or whatever social media you latch onto for crusading of any nature. Â
You donât get to sniff around the blogs of people you despise.  You donât get to leap to the âdefenseâ of your people based upon hearsay and rumor. You donât get to decide you are a spirit of justice and that your place here is to dole out punishment.Â
You get wind of a real abuser? Â You pass that fucking shit on to someone else with more fucking credibility and you let them handle it. Because you have none. Zero. Â And after all the stories Iâve read, the messages Iâve received of people who have been hurt by you, of people too terrified to cross you - the next crusade you launch will not ever be taken seriously ever the fuck again.
Like I said before. Words are useless. How you act months or even a year from now in the future, when all of this is less new, when you feel like no oneâs paying as close attention, when you feel like youâre safe to behave how you like without as many consequences - that will decide everything.
The Abuserâs 2nd apology for those who want to read it without visiting any of their social media, put under a cut for those who do not want to read it. Please know that just because someone apologies you are under no obligation, moral or otherwise, to forgive them. If an apology is genuine, the person extending it will have no expectation of forgiveness from anyone.
Keep reading
2nd Apology in text form below this cut.
âIâm going to respond to a request Iâve seen that I be more plainspoken and more direct. I originally worried that might come across flippant and dismissive, but I appreciate not everyone sees it the same way. I apologise in advance if this comes across a little too conversational or free-association.
I know I have hurt people and I am sorry. There were times it was absolutely my intent to do harm.Regardless of what reason I had, where I was in that moment, thatâs what I did.
If you are one of those people, I apologise. Knowing full well the feelings of alienation that come from someone turning their anger on you, I engaged in that exact anger. I knowingly used that fear to bad ends and displayed a general lack of empathy.
I responded to conflict in destructive, unhealthy, and sometimes objectively cruel ways. I blurred the lines between the minor failures of others and critical flaws that define people for what they are. I used the simple humanity of other people as leverage against them and refused to show compassion for the pain that caused.
I harassed and held grudges against people who didnât deserve it. When those people defended themselves, I used that natural and rational reaction as a reason to mock them and as proof of the vile image of them I had created.
I said in my previous apology that I am sorry for contributing to a cycle of anger and anguish and I stand by that. What I did made the world a worse place. I excused countless of my own wrongs that went on to hurt innocent people, directly and indirectly. There were times I saw the hurt I caused and simply chose to not care because of whatever validation I found to justify that and all I can say now is that I am sorry.
I do not know who does and does not wish to speak with me about any of this and I do not want anyone to feel put-upon or isolated by me trying to initiate that. If you feel you would benefit from speaking to me about any way Iâve wronged you, please, I invite you to do so. I want to hear what you have to say and I would appreciate the chance to extend my apology to you personally.â
(Link to reblog of 2nd apology)
The Abuserâs 2nd apology for those who want to read it without visiting any of their social media, put under a cut for those who do not want to read it. Please know that just because someone apologies you are under no obligation, moral or otherwise, to forgive them. If an apology is genuine, the person extending it will have no expectation of forgiveness from anyone.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
Man, guys. Iâm tired.
This is going to be long so Iâm going to put it under a cut. It also might be jumbled with ramblings of things Iâve wanted to say.
Keep reading
Please take care of yourselves in the aftermath of this event coming to a head. Itâs valid to be angry and itâs understandable to feel exhausted.
You must help yourself first if you are to help others.
"An abusive manâs dramatic remorse shifts the center of attention back to him; his partner (and community) may almost forget his earlier bullying as compassion for his guilt and self-reproach washes over her. She may soon find herself reassuring him that she wonât leave him, that she still loves him, that she doesnât think heâs a terrible person.â -- Lundy Bancroft
When an abused woman refuses to âlook at her partâ in the abuse, she has actually taken a powerful step out of self-blame and toward emotional recovery. She doesnât have any responsibility for his actions. Anyone who tries to get her to share responsibility is adopting the abuserâs perspective. (Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That)
âIt takes two to tangoâ does NOT apply to abuse. Victims have no responsibility for abusersâ actions and anybody who says otherwise is aiding abusers.
Again for people in the back:
Victims have no responsibility for abusersâ actions and anybody who says otherwise is aiding abusers.
One more time:
Victims have no responsibility for abusersâ actions and anybody who says otherwise is aiding abusers.
An abusive man may embellish his childhood suffering once he discovers that it helps him escape responsibility. The National District Attorneyâs Association Bulletin reported a revealing study that was conducted on another group of destructive men: child sexual abusers. The researcher asked each man whether he himself had been sexually victimized as a child. A hefty 67 percent of the subjects said yes. However, the researcher then informed the men that he was going to hook them up to a lie-detector test and ask them the same questions again. Affirmative answers suddenly dropped to only 29 percent. In other words, abusers of all varieties tend to realize the mileage they can get out of saying, âIâmabusive because the same thing was done to me.â
Lundy Bancroft, Why does he do that? (via lilamedusa)
I have sometimes said to a client: âIf you are so in touch with your feelings from your abusive childhood, then you should know what abuse feels like. You should be able to remember how miserable it was to be cut down to nothing, to be put in fear, to be told that the abuse is your own fault. You should be less likely to abuse a woman, not more so, from having been through it.â Once I make this point, he generally stops mentioning his terrible childhood; he only wants to draw attention to it if itâs an excuse to stay the same, not if itâs a reason to change.
Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (via andreadworkinwasright)

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
So yes, I was contacted tonight by You Know Who. Â
reneebecquerel I know thereâs no tasteful way to ask, but could we speak briefly?
captain-ameribunny As I so often have to remind people who call my office: This line may be recorded.
Keep reading
The more flowery a personâs speech ⌠the more suspect the feelings, or lack of feelings, it concealed. â Gustave Flaubert, Madame Bovary
Thereâs a lot to unpack from the fauxpology that appeared recently on a new blog from Oz. Iâve seen this before⌠from multiple abusive people. Â
So letâs dive in, shall we?
Keep reading
An apology doesnât feel like one, when itâs vague, addressed to no one in particular, and simply tagged so the community can read it and feel sorry for you.
This isnât an apology, Oz. You are not forgiven. And even if you were, it wouldnât wipe away what you have done.
I did not ask for much. All I wanted was to be at peace with you. That is all I EVER wanted. You could not even give me that for the simple crime of leaving your FC. For not being willing to force one of my friends to stop being friends with someone you hated.
The vitriolic harassment you laid upon me just for the simple act of unblocking you on Tumblr and not speaking to you at all was at most 6 or 7 months ago. And if you truly had blocked me on Tumblr, then the only way you would have noticed I unblocked you at all was if you were regularly stalking my blog. Where has my apology been in all that time?
I know who this apology is really for. You donât care about me. You know I would never take seriously a blanket apology that only appeared after everything came to light.
This âapologyâ is a show for the community, a performative display so you can try to dupe people into thinking you are sincere, but utterly meaningless and heals no one.
Your words wonât decide for you whether youâve changed. Your actions in a few months down the line, when you feel like everyoneâs forgotten it all and youâre safe to do what you like - that will decide everything.