a few weeks ago i got sick to the point of being bedridden for a whole sunday and it was actually quite nice...... not the part about being sick, but i picked up a draft of a fanfic i never finished and started writing it again!!! after that i saw some of my other drafts and wow ... not gonna lie guys, some of those fuck SO hard. im a genuins and the world's best writer ever, would be great if i ever actually finished something

i only ever finished writing One fanfic... it's still up on ao3 if you want to check it out: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17442791 it's klance and it's angsty and it's. very sloppy i think (haven't read it in a while)

anyway, i have been really into reading blogs lately, LIKE REAL BLOGS on substack and just. newsletters..... they feel fun and to me it's the equivalent of reading a column on newspaper (sidenote: started watching sex and the city and got weirdly into the idea of writing a column for a newspaper)

maybe one day i'd like to start a substack, but i feel like i dont have many interesting things to write about. i keep thinking about things needing to be entertaining even without realizing it and it's SO ANNOYINGGGGG and it keeps me from doing so much ... im a perfeccionist (in a derogatory way.) so im always like "hm will people like this though. is this anything" and it's so frustrating!!! really going to try to make it a point to just POST for the sake of sharing and not for the sake of pleasing an imaginary audience. one could argue that i should just not post at all but this unfortunately applies to my professional life as well, like i have GOT to put myself out there so people can hire me.

i'd like to get into writing more, not just fanfics but my own short stories as well... i recently remembered i love literature actually, and i remember i used to love writing as a kid. so maybe i'll try!!! in the most non judgemental way i can possibly be.

I’m not going to go into detail because that’s just unnecessary, I know I’ve been MIA for months now, and im still very busy until maybe december but its in such a good way now……..for sure im tired and im looking forward to having a break, but im also so excited about what im doing! i think im starting to have an idea about what i really want to work with

i don’t want to make any promises about new posts because for yearsssss that's been something that i've done and it really ONLY made me feel pressured and upset when i inevitably didn't have a project turn out the way i wanted... or just turn out any way at all, because i ended up never getting around to them

in fact, i think the whole idea of posting things has been one of the huge factors that make me feel so pressured, which is crazy because i've never had a big audience that's expected anything of me, so really it's ME, im the problem AHEHSHGHSHG posting is the mind killer posting is the little death that brings total obliteration

however i do have a few ideas that i want to experiment with, and i'll try to make a point to get weird with it and just have some fun!!!! like jesus im talking about drawing characters kissing a lilttle it really is not that serious lmao