Ally

“On a scale from one to zero… are you happy?”

“Come and watch the skinny kid with the steadily declining mental health, and laugh while he attempts to give you what he cannot give himself.”

“We think. We know. You.”

“I had a privileged life, and I got lucky, and I’m unhappy.”

“I know very little about anything, but what I do know is that if you can live your life without an audience… you should do it.”

“But what the fuck kind of question is ‘are you happy?’”

“Honestly, the biggest problem in my life isn’t Pringle cans… it’s you. Part of me loves you. Part of me hates you. Part of me needs you. Part of me fears you.”

“I just put on some silly show. I should probably just shut up and do my job so here I go.”

“You’re everything you hated, are you happy?”

“You pray so badly for Heaven. Knowing any day might be the day that you die. But maybe life on earth could be heaven. Doesn’t just the thought of it make it worth a try?“

“But what the fuck kind of question is ‘am I happy?’”

“I don’t think that I can handle this right now. You don’t know the half of this right now.”

“Hey, look ma, I made it. Are you happy?”

“I love you just the way you are but you don’t see you like I do. You shouldn’t try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.”

“So if you know or ever knew how to be happy, on a scale of one to two now… are you happy?” 

“Sticks and stones might break your bones but words will break your heart.”

“Cause you’re on your own from here so, are you happy?“

“If you want love then the love has got to come from you.”

“I really wanna try to get happy. And I think that I could get it if I didn’t always panic every time I’m unhappy.”

You know the one’s… where you just don’t think you’ll make it through…

Yea. My day.

So let me start.

If you used a knife for any reason today (eat, open something, crafts) and didn’t turn it on yourself, great job!

If you shaved today, EVEN when someone was watching you the whole time, great job!

If you self-harmed a little less than you normally do, great job! (You are taking steps! Don’t be ashamed!)

If you thought about doing it and was even close enough to actually acting on it, but you didn’t, great job!

If you stopped following/blacklisted blogs that promote self-injury, great job!

If you used a pencil sharpener for the job it was meant to perform, great job!

If you opened up to someone about your self-injury, great job! I’m so fucking proud of you and your bravery!

If you decided to not wear long sleeves, pants, etc. so you were comfortable at the risk of someone seeing your scars, great job! You are beautiful! Your scars are not your identity!

If you are currently seeking help for your addiction and underlying mental disorders (if any), great job!

If you didn’t turn that lighter/cigarette to your skin, great job!

If you left those scabs alone, great job!

If you picked a little less today, great job!

If you left that perfect beautiful head undamaged today, great job!

If you didn’t bruise your knuckles/break your toes/physically purposefully injure your body, great job!

And most importantly: If you slipped/relapsed today you are going to be okay. This is not the end. You will recover. You will get better. There is no rush and it’s not a race. Please take care of yourself.

If you’d like to add anything please feel free to do so! Please reblog if you can! You never know who could need this right now!

Suicide Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255