After years of living in the adulting world, I think Iâve come to a realization: Manners exist to guide you to good conduct even when youâre in a bad mood.
When youâre happy, when youâre feeling generous, when youâre pleased with your gift or your service or your outcome, itâs easy to be nice. Itâs easy to tip the waiter well when youâve had a good day. Itâs easy to thank the teller or the clerk when you got what you wanted out of the transaction. Itâs easy to smile and chit-chat with strangers on the road when youâre in a good mood.
Itâs hard to tip the waiter when you didnât enjoy your food. Itâs hard to thank the clerk for their time when youâve just been told thereâs a problem with their account and they werenât able to fix it for you. Itâs hard to think of something nice to say when your aunt gave you a crappy sweater you neither need nor want. Itâs hard to be nice to people when youâve had a shitty day. Itâs HARD.
Thatâs what manners are for. Scripts and phrases that you learn by rote to say when you canât think of a single nice or good thing to say from your own volition. Yes, theyâre scripted. Yes, the sentiment is empty. But the scripts work in every situation, and the emptiness provides a buffer between your own unhappiness and the rest of society.
Because most of the time, itâs not the waiterâs fault that the food you ordered wasnât what you expected. Itâs not the clerkâs fault that your account is overdrawn. Itâs not the fault of the barista or the stranger on the subway that you got fired today or your favorite aunt died. But even when you canât summon a smile or a cheery word, you can still have manners, because they will serve you the same in sunshine or rain.
turnnoffyourmind
jacobvanloon
discoholicmusic
