immortal

first thing id do as a skeleton is drink red wine from a goblet and have it spill out everywhere . second thing id do is play my ribs like a xylophone

i hate the tech industry so much. FUCK apple. i hate minimalism and sleekness. oooohhh  we made this computer the thickness and weight of a piece of construction paper. you cant plug anything into it and it has 2 gb of storage space. ooooh it has no power button isnt that conceptual? look at how sleek it is. its battery lasts 5 minutes and if you touch it with any more force than the gentlest whisper of a rose petal it will shatter and we intentionally designed it to be impossible to repair on your own. it will break on its own in a year tops. ooh its so sleek and efficient

damn mutual I don’t engage with that media you’re into but my congrandolances on the situation

(scrolling my dash) trite. trite. trite. contrived. foppish. shameful. oh, a disgusting embellishment from one of my decrepit mutuals. to be cordial i will re-blogge it. JEFFREY! (a butler-type creature who is as tall as my knee and incredibly ghoulish skitters into the room from a crack in the wall) be a dear and block this fool for me would you? (jeffrey pulls out a rusted dagger from behind its back and licks it) thank you. begone. (jeffrey scuttles out of the door and into the road where it is immediately struck by a semi truck at 80 mph)

getting my little goblin minions to punch and stab me in the middle of the grocery store to try and whittle me down to half health so i can assume my final boss form and reach the top shelf

You let your minions stack on each other's shoulders to reach high shelves, the next thing you know they're solving complicated logic puzzles involving the coordinated use of their idiosyncratic personal weapons and learning important lessons about teamwork under pressure, and we all know where that ends.

per my last desperate howl at the heavens,