BAD GAMES

The object of Llorando is to cry in public, and have someone ask if you're okay.

To play, find somewhere comfortable to sit or stand. There should be people around, but enough space that you don't feel crowded or self-conscious.

Take a deep breath, and allow yourself to be open to and aware of whatever pain you're carrying.

Invite it in, turning toward discomfort rather than away from it. Permit yourself to experience grief, and to express it without judgment or shame.

This is a game for more than one person.

The object of the game is to ask for help.

To play, you'll need the following:

to admit to yourself that you're not okay, and that you need help.

to acknowledge that asking for help is not a sign of weakness, and proves that you're strong enough to know when you need others.

to trust that others care about you, and will support you when you need it.

to know that your pain is real, and that your experience is valid.

to believe in your ability to thrive.

to care about yourself as much as you would care about any loved one.

to love yourself enough to do what's best for you, even when it's painful and scary.

The object of Good Dog is to come back to yourself.

You can play whenever you notice that your mind has run off. It could be intrusive thoughts, self-criticism, dwelling on the immutable past, or projecting too far into an unknowable future—anything that pulls you away from being here, now.

You'll have many opportunities to play every day, as our minds have a habit of getting away from us.

But there is no fault in the mind wandering; There is no way to lose Good Dog.

To win, you must simply notice, and return without admonishment. Don't punish yourself for running away; Praise yourself for coming back.

With practice, Good Dog becomes easier to win.

The object of Therapeze is to throw yourself out there,

and have someone catch you.

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Materials Required:

This game requires you to have a therapist.

(If you don’t have a therapist, get one.)

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How to Play:

To play Therapeze, start a conversation.

Introduce yourself to someone, and tell them that you’re in therapy.

If that person validates you (“That’s awesome!”; “I’m really happy for you!”; “Therapy is really important and everyone should have a therapist”), that means they’ve caught you.

This game is for one player, living alone.

The object of the game is to leave your apartment.

To play, get out of bed when your alarm goes off.

Without looking at your phone, brush your teeth, take a shower, and get dressed.

Once dressed, do not get back into bed with your phone. Instead, make breakfast.

After eating breakfast, do not get back into bed with your phone. Instead, take your pills. (The game gets easier once you’ve taken your pills.)

After taking your pills, do not get back into bed with your phone. Instead, gather your things, put on your shoes, and leave the apartment, locking it behind you.

This game is for one or more players.

The object of the game is to lose as many twitter followers as possible, in the fewest number of tweets.

Possible strategies include:

unexpected political stances

needlessly contrarian replies to friends

unironically retweeting popular brands

bad takes

yucking other people's yums

playing "devil's advocate"

blatantly sub-tweeting friends immediately after they tweet things

pictures of food but, like, they're bad pictures

This game is for two or more players.

One player picks a song, and without telling the other players which song, sings only the first word of the song.

The next player must sing the next word, and so on, until the last word of the song is sung.

Example:

Player 1: On Player 2: my Player 3: own, Player 1: pretending Player 2: he's Player 3: beside Player 1: me.

Each player requires a large spool of cat 5 Ethernet cabling.

The object of the game is to see how much cat 5 you can flush before your toilet clogs.

To play, insert one end of the cable into the toilet bowl. Through a combination of flushing and feeding the cable, try to get as much of it through the pipes as possible.

(Be sure to keep some slack between the cable and the spool to decrease tension and ease the process.)

To encourage social competition, keep a weekly leaderboard with your friends to track each player’s top score (measured as length of Ethernet cable flushed before clogging occurs).