letting all the shadows free

Friday 20 August 2021

I feel so so guilty, but I had to head back home today. My migraine has gotten so bad that I am seeing little white, flying specks again. Plus we left the kitties home alone during what turned out to be one of the worst storms we've seen in a while.

I spoke with my brother's therapist from the hospital. She confirmed he should be getting out on Monday. She doesn't know what time, but she's going to let me know more soon.

My mom finally told him about his warrants. He really didn't take it well. What he was saying probably landed him a few more days in the hospital.

Thursday 19 August 2021

I didn't wake up in time this morning. My head is still pounding. My mom wanted me and Alex to ride in her small truck with her. It was too hot and I felt too sick to manage that.

After some convincing, I drove Alex's car there and back. It was just over 6 hours round trip. The car got infested with ants over night, so we kept having to stop to try and battle them.

I was in such a bad mood. I feel so guilty for showing my ass, but I couldn't handle much more. I just kept making myself focus on the drive.

Once we got back to his girlfriend's house, we found out that he may be getting out Monday around lunch. She was lovely and made us beef stew for dinner.

My mom had to run an errand, so Alex and I went and laid down again until she got back. I got to watch most of a museum livestream with Connor, Karl, and Greg. They read us a really dark bed time story called "Cetos New Friends."

Wednesday 18 August 2021

We stayed in a motel last night and slept in as long as we could. Maybe I was just really in a bad mood, but it was the grossest motel I've been to in a while.

After getting some food into us, we headed to my brother's girlfriend's house. She wonderful and always let's us stay with her when we're in town. We met my mom there and all just sat there trying to process and figure out the next steps.

I wish there was more I could do to make my mom feel better. She's blaming herself for this, but it isn't her fault. We're just sick and have to find a way to cope with it.

My mom had an appointment at 3 and my brother's girlfriend had to leave for work at 2, so Alex and I went to lay down in the quiet for a while. My migraine has started and I wanted a chance for some quiet.

We woke up nearly 4 hours later when everyone got back. My head was still pounding, but there were things I still needed to do, so I sucked it up.

Tuesday 17 August 2021

Today had been tough. I woke up this morning with several missed calls from my mom and a message telling me to answer the phone because it was an emergency.

My brother had another episode and it got the police involved. He was given the option to go to jail or go to the hospital. He chose to go to the hospital.

He went to a different one than we normally go to and it was...rough. There were so many people there that they had patients sitting outside. At least 4 people were there that had tested positive for covid, if not more.

We were there for hours and hours. My mom and I took turns going back to see my brother. We kept doing it until visitation was over.

My heart breaks for him because he was so scared. He didn't want to be transferred again. He kept crying and begging me to not let them take him. But once you're considered a 1013, you lose all rights. I wish I could have done more, but they transferred him to a facility 3 hours away again in the middle of the night.

Saturday 14 August 2021

My mom, brother, and his girlfriend came up to visit today. We watched a few home videos and a few clips of Alutiiq dancing.

After a while, I got everyone together to finish filling out our Native Village of Afognak enrollment applications.

Friday 13 August 2021

Mostly another day of cleaning so my family can come visit tomorrow. My pain was super horrible most of the day.

Thursday 12 August 2021

Today was mostly cleaning. The stress is finally catching up to me. Every time something slightly inconvenient happened, I felt overwhelmed and had to stop.

Wednesday 11 August 2021

We ran a few errands today. Alex took his old video games tonl sell and I took my books. We made a significant amount of money between the two of us which went straight into the moving fund.

Tuesday 10 August 2021

Alex's step grandmother passed away and today was her funeral. We weren't invited, but we met up with his dad and step mom for dinner. His brother's family joined us.

Monday 9 August 2021

Alex had his interview with Amazon today.

Friday 6 August 2021

Today was First Friday at Studio Unknown. This will be my 2nd to last market before making the great trek to Tacoma. I did well, sold about $200 worth of stuff.

I spent some time experimenting with Alutiiq petroglyphs as tattoos.

I got to catch up with Ember and pass on some of my old clothes.

Thursday 5 August 2021

I was feeling a little manic, so I went and got all of my hair cut off. I've been dying pretty much non stop since 2006. I got most of the color cut out and I'm going to try my hardest to grow out my natural hair for the wedding.

Sunday 1 August 2021

Saturday 24 July 2021

We started the day by going to Mattress Firm and using our warranty to get a new mattress. I'm pretty excited.

Then we headed to Walmart to get our meds and stopped by a liquor store to get boxes for our move.

Once we got home, he helped me set up the VHS to digital converter. It has a weird glitch that makes everything flash blue, but at least its digital. I found a video of my grandmother we didn't know we had.

Friday 23 July 2021

I finished as much of the house as I could today. I got the side, the back, some of the railing, and our canoe pressure washed. Alex was amazing and started mowing the prarie that is now our front yard. We have so much more to do in 5 weeks, but we've got this.

Thursday 22 July 2021

I'm really proud of myself today. I learned how to use a pressure washer and cleaned both cars, both car ports, the ramp, and half of the house. All in one day.

Because of my chronic pain, there is no way I could have done this a year ago. I feel like I'm finally get close to an answer.

Wednesdqy 21 July 2021

I took the time to update my LinkedIn. I hunted down a spotlight mention from my old job to add fluff. I applied to probably 20 jobs.

Alex had an amazing initial interview with a company that would take care of us. He still has another interview before he knows if he got the position or not. If he gets it, they'll give him a relocation package and we'll have 5 weeks to get there.

5 weeks to pack

5 weeks to repair the house

5 weeks to sell the house

5 weeks to figure out how to get to Washington