BANG CHAEYEONG

                     “   ‘nd  how  does  death  feel  ?   …   deadly   ?   ”   to  think  you’d  hold  maturity  from  the  start  of  the  conversation  would  be  pretty  much  sin   ,   for  you  are  laughing  at  your  own  joke   (   &&.   you’re  well  aware  of  how  bad  it  is   )   to  think  it  wouldn’t  make  you  laugh  much  would  also  be  another  sin  to  commit   ,   for  you  are  laughing  so  hard  to  the  point  of  the  back  of  your  head  hitting  the  wall  as  warms  curl  around  your  stomach   .   after  what  felt  like  forever  you’re  finally  silent   ,   apologetic  look  now  present  on  countenance  as  head  tilts  ever  so  slightly  to  the  side   ,   fingers  sitting  atop  of  the  woman’s  shoulder   .   “   …   i’m  sorry   ,   i  was  hoping  that  a  lame  joke  would   ,   y’know   ,  lift  yer  mood  up  a  lil   .   but  ay  if  it  makes  you  feel  any  better  i  think  you’d  look  stunning  as  grim  reaper   …   like  breathtakin’   ‘nd  death  bringing   .   ”

She’s baffled. Baffled how the blonde - haired female finds her own words so amusing that she’s hitting her head on the wall. Chaeyeong doesn’t know should she laugh alongside her ( let’s be real, it really does look amusing how she hits her head on the wall and isn’t even bothered by it ) or just keep staring at her, wait for her to calm down. The female ends up staring at the other, brows raised and still looks somewhat baffled. “You done? Do you need fresh air?” She’s rather cautious with her words once hearing how the laughter is dying down, the silence filling up the room until she hears Luna’s apologetic words. “My mood doesn’t need any lifting. I even actually came up with a better idea.” Indeed, her mood doesn’t need any lifting, she actually has been in a good mood and her dressing up as a grim reaper was thrown in the air as a joke. "I should dress up as a Death Eater.” Now that. That sounds better than a stupid grim reaper.

          THIS CHARADE WAS OLD AS TIME. The wolf could practically taste her brimming tension, jitters easily hidden like a card drawn from the play, she’d done this before. At every corner of this world he found another almost as broken, lost despite a bought misconception of happiness having been achieved. Somewhat. Too many people were good at this game, pretense eaten for breakfast and swallowed by the tears telling the same tale. Was he to tell her she could confide in him? That perhaps whatever made her sullen so had no qualms with her bright future? No, he couldn’t know any of this. No one did. Such were the ways of this human life.

          HER STRESS BEGAN TO AFFECT HIM. Reminding gritted wounds that sorrow was just one thought away from collapsing, no matter how many inhales were taken, sometimes death tasted sweeter than this. He sighs ever slowly, exasperated almost yet concern overwhelmed foreign features, an inner debate still attempting to compress the words which truly wanted to be spoken. “Good, huh..” He states to himself, murmurs phasing into curls habitually tucked behind an ear and at her words, Kit instinctively feels the hairs close to needing a trim. It’s not that he wanted to ignore her, but ignoring what was truly going on inside her seemed like a worse choice to begin with.

          “Don’t do that..”

          “Don’t pretend.. nothing get’s better if you do.”

Chaeyeong expects him to answer her question, talk about his beard and how he’s doing; She expects him not to notice how she’s trying to get rid of those stupid thoughts which are running in her head, causing her eyes to wander around once in a while. She doesn’t expect him to return back to her words. It’s clear to see from her facial features how she’s a little taken back when she hears him repeat her words, as if he’s not believing her words which truth to be told, aren’t that convincing. She wouldn’t have believed herself either.

The female is only able to stare at him, baffled at how he’s speaking his mind and not following her steps, talking about his beard instead. She can feel her mouth being slightly open, blinking more than once and for a few seconds, she thinks of acting like she doesn’t know what he’s doing. It sounds like a good explain plan, but if he could notice her previous lie, he would notice the new ones. “I...” She dares to open her mouth, thinking something smart would come out of there, but instead the silence is moving above them again. She has nothing to say.

 “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

And just like that, she tries to drop the conversation, reaching for her drink to sip from the straw.

an eyebrow quirked at the response of the other toward her little attempt on humoring the mishap ina is currently in. it wasn’t like her to miss such a poignant information about a dear friend of hers. certainly, she hasn’t been gone long, right? “are you being serious right now? you’re actually a pediatrician?!” she removed her injured finger from the stream of water and turned off the faucet, grabbing a clean towel to gently dry her hands. with the temporary contact from the sink departing, the pain from the small wound has returned, which have left her quietly wincing. she bit her lower lip to distract herself from the stinging sensation that her own stupidity and stubbornness caused.

her gaze hopelessly shifted at the ingredients on the table that were left behind. she is certain chaeyeong would not let her touch anything again after this accident. ina leaned against the kitchen counter and patiently waited as the other indecisively choose a bandage from the box despite the throbbing ache from her finger. “hey! language– ah, shit!” she winced once more, the pain seemed to be intensifying with each second passing by. “melody is hello kitty’s friend– never mind that! just place one one already. it really hurts,” she pouted, tears were on the brink of falling from her eyes. it was insufferable, thus she’ll enlighten her friend about the fantastic crew of the lovable feline later.

Did Ina just... Did she just believe what she said? There’s a baffled look on Chaeyeong’s facial features and for a few seconds, she’s just staring at the other; entirely forgetting how she’s bleeding and she’s supposed to put a bandage on her. “You do know I would need to study for it, right?” With her schedules? Impossible. Well, she has heard of idols who have gotten their degree while attending on schedules, preparing for albums and so on, but her? Her studying again? Not possible. Her attention spawn and her capability of dealing with stress being low, she’s not able to deal with a school on the side of her entertainment career.

Returning back on her tracks ( acting like she didn’t hear Ina mention anything about the use of language ), she takes a bandage from the box with a Hello Kitty on it and gets rid of the first coverage protecting the sticky side before gently reaching for the other’s hand. “Watch your language.” Just like she was reminded of her language, Chaeyeong quietly comments on the other’s usage of language with a small grin tugging on her lips, while her fingers are busy wrapping the bandage around the finger. “All done...” Her gaze turns towards the female’s facial features, and she could swear to herself the brunette haired female looks like she’s going to tear up. “Does it hurt that bad?” To her, it just looks like a small cut that doesn’t seem to hurt that much, but she knows everyone’s pain tolerance is different and a small cut might hurt the other more than she expected.

EVERYTHING I NEVER TOLD YOU STARTERS ( status: accepting )

No. Nope. Nah. Not a chance.

Her staying still when a spider is crawling in her head? Not a chance. One second she was sitting calmly, minding her business, but as soon as she was told something is moving in her hair, she’s quick to stand up and wave her hands, run around and look like a crazy woman. “Get it off, get it off, get it off, get it off!” Ever heard of Chaeyeong whining? Well, this is your first time hearing it. 

Even when Harlowe is telling her to stay still, she can’t. She has stopped from running, but she’s still unable to stay still, her legs wiggling and her body shaking, hands still waving around her head; not daring to touch the spider itself, just hoping it will drop off. And is she still whining? Yes, yes she is.

EVERYTHING I NEVER TOLD YOU STARTERS ( status: accepting )

It’s very unlike from her to spend time with someone, look at the charts just when her album has dropped and refresh the page after each minute to see how the songs climb up on it. Chaeyeong never does that. Usually, she’s all by herself, not looking at the charts and is practicing the songs or does something else to distract herself from the numbers. But now that she’s spending time with someone who also participated in the album making and the album has just been dropped, she just couldn’t help it. Plus, it surprisingly helped her to calm down the butterflies flying in her stomach.

She looks rather baffled when she sees the title song rising on top of the charts, finally reaching the top of it after each refresh and she has no words to say at first. And she doesn’t know how to react except stare at the screen. 

“How are you feeling?”

EVERYTHING I NEVER TOLD YOU STARTERS ( status: accepting )

Her loud laughter is filling the room. She’s laughing so loud, causing her to wheeze and hold her stomach while laying on the studio’s couch. It’s a rare sight to see, usually she’s chuckling, but now she’s full - blown laughing. Chaeyeong can feel the tear on the corner of her eye, which causes her to wipe it off with her knuckle while she is trying her hardest to calm herself down.

It all started when she came to the studio a little bit earlier than the man and she had time to kill. After a minute or so sitting on the chair, rolling on the wheels and thinking of what to do, she came up with a perfect plan to kill the boredom which slowly has crept upon her. It’s a perfect opportunity to prank someone. The female isn’t a huge prankster in general, but once in a while, she has those moments when she wants to switch things up and do something unexpected. Why not change the time on the clocks by an hour? She changed time on every clock she saw in the room ( even the computer’s time after a little struggle of how to do it ) and once checking everything was done, she sat down on the couch to pretend she has done nothing when he came into the room 

And she manages to keep the act together while studying at the confused expression on his facial features when he’s checking what time is it. “Something’s wrong?” She inquires, pressing her lips on a thin line to prevent the amused smile coming and ruining everything. But oh, how hard it is when she sees his eyes go back and forth between his phone and the clocks on the wall; only to burst into a fit of laughter when he seems to connect the dots.

“Do you think I’m stupid?”

She can’t answer, she’s too busy with trying to calm herself down.

EVERYTHING I NEVER TOLD YOU STARTERS ( status: accepting )

A simple question that can draw so many reactions from her. Chaeyeong could be silent for a few seconds, think of how she’s actually feeling or she could instantly give the answer. This time, when the question is presented, she falls silent and stays quiet for a few seconds; not really knowing does she tell the truth or does she blatantly lie, not wanting him to worry.

She’s stressed, nervous and if her hands were on the table instead of hiding underneath it, everyone could have seen how she’s playing with her fingers to try to calm down. It was a wrong day for her to be social, the morning already showed signs to her how she should stay inside and not even think of going outside. Actually, the night already was a clear sign for her to stay inside and sleep. She’s surprised how there aren’t any dark circles underneath her eyes after the sleepless nights she has had.

“I’m good.” As soon as she says those words, she moves her hands underneath her thighs to stop herself from playing with them and she even forces a small, reassuring smile on her lips. “You? I see your beard game is still going strong.” And just like that, she’s trying to switch the attention from her to him.

While he is preparing the broth, he glances to her direction briefly, a small smile is plastered on his face. “Thank you. Next, you can drain the noodles and rinse them under the cold water so that it will be chewy when we eat it,” he says in a cheerful tone. Done with the broth, he places the heavy pot aside before he grabs a wooden chopping board, start cutting the vegetable into long, thing slices so that it can be cooked faster in the pan later. Grabbing the red and white meat from the container, he uses a sharper knife to cut them into tiny pieces then he places them in a small bowl separately. Humming a soft tune under his breath, he’s moving with light steps across the kitchen as he grabs another pot from the cabinet before suddenly a light gasp escapes from his lips when his gaze falls on the stove. He stops in his track, tapping a finger over his mouth gently. “I almost forgot to ask you. I’m going to cook jjampong, would that be okay with you? What kind of seafood do you like though? Or do you prefer meat? I’m going to cook them separately if you don’t like either.” Chuckling dryly, he scratches the back of his head as he looks at her.

Another simple thing she needs to do and she can screw it up in so many ways. Noodles could spill from the strainer, the water could be too warm or too cold and other possible things could happen to her. Her entire focus again turns on the noodles and she reaches for a strainer from the cabinet, right above the sink where she places the item. Rolling her shirt’s sleeves up, Chaeyeong holds the pot with two hands to pour the water and noodles alongside with it; the water going through the small holes from the strainer, while the noodles stay in it. Then comes the first question, does the water need to be really cold? She quickly glances over her shoulder to see the male focused on the vegetables, so she decides to take the matters in her own hands and turn the water somewhat cold, nicely in the middle of warm and cold.

         she shouldn’t have gone out anywhere especially when she felt sick since morning. the idol hasn’t really been taking good care of herself these past few days. she was busy with her comeback and she couldn’t help but try to keep herself in shape. because of that, she limits herself to into eating anything but water. she’s sleepless and anyone who looks at her knew that she’s sick. that’s why she ends up locking herself in the cubicle, throwing up something that isn’t there since her stomach is empty. but if she tries hard enough, blood might finally come out.

tears stream down her cheeks, clutching on her stomach for something to hold on at least, to stop the pain from going on with a small groan.   “  y-yeah. it just hurts a bit..   ”   she mumbles.

There’s a worry shining on her facial features when she’s standing behind the door, listening to the gagging sounds she’s able to hear and she scrunches up her nose in disgust. The sounds are too familiar to her, multiple times she has been in the same situation, hunching over the toilet and locking the door after her so no one would come inside. As soon as she saw Chinny, she knew something was wrong, but she didn’t say anything; she just watched from aside until it started to get too much.

being far away from home (and ignoring the fact that her parents pretty much disowned her), she longs for the warmth fast food chains and convenience stores never lived up to. but when she was the one preparing it? she’ll accept the challenge. do not expect that there won’t have a disaster to occur once she take the steering wheel, though. perhaps she was too frenzied about the idea of being behind the kitchen for once. the college kid have been relying on instant meals for so long she can pour the boiling water on a cup with her eyes closed. she never really had the opportunity to learn how to cook (if one would throw away her frying skills) and with an offer from a friend to visit their apartment, ina would not miss the chance to prepare a home-cooked meal.

one thing she’s good at is eating, but cooking? absolutely null. was it stubbornness and pride that led her to somehow fail to tell the other that it was her first time holding the knife? probably. too late, though, since she had already nicked herself. “ow!” ina, out of shock, sucked her injured finger and hurried over to the sink to wash it. thankfully, chaeyeong was quick on her feet and offered assistance. despite the slight pain from the small wound and embarrassment on her own actions, she couldn’t help but throw an amused grin at her friend’s interesting collection. “are you secretly a pediatrician and you never told me?” she releases a chuckle, but wincing on the pain soon after. “i guess i’ll have hello kitty? the one with melody, if you have it.”

Should she tell the story how there was a time the people she knew of sometimes would come to her place ( to the place where she lived before ) with bruises or should she just simply say she’s clumsy? Her clumsiness is one of the reasons why she stays far away from the kitchen because she always finds a way to hurt herself or she burns the food. And she sucks at cooking. The only food she’s good at making is jajjangmyeong -- her favorite food and something she could eat every day if she’s ever challenged to do so.

“I became a pediatrician because of my clumsiness. It’s a side job of mine.” Chaeyeong chuckles, a somewhat amused smile tugging on her lips while she pushes the other nonchosen bandages on the side, bringing the Hello Kitty ones closer and for a mere second, you can see the confusion on her facial features; lips pursed out when she looks at the bandages inside the half-empty box. “Who the fuck is Melody?” Before you dare to judge her, she’s not that familiar with Hello Kitty characters because she barely watched television as a kid. And as an adult, she really isn’t that interested to know who is who in that kids’ show.

Ugh… paperwork.  How the youngish officer hated paperwork, but hey, when you catch bad guys for a living, there’s gotta be a paper trail.  Especially seeing as how most bad guys always wanted to claim they were innocent.  As such, their lawyers were always looking for outs.  ‘Proper paperwork leads to swift and quick justice.’ Was what the higher ups always said, so here Suwon sat, filling out a police report on how a man tried to get away from a robbery by dressing up as a Yakult ahjumma. 

Only when his name registers in his ears, does the pink haired police officer glance up.  To most people he probably just looked like another ruffian sitting in a police station writing out some sort of witness report, but his other police officers and a few select others knew that he was actually one of them.  An undercover cop due to his age and his ability to chameleon into places as need be.  However, when someone like Chaeyeong just came bouncing in the place with, “Is that convenience store food?  Oi, come with me.”

He dropped his paperwork, gently taking the other by the wrist.  “I totally appreciate the food, but try not to make it so apparent that I’m not one of the criminals.”  A chuckle slipped out while ushering her into a small break area.  “I doubt that any one in there actually cares, but I gotta be on the sly side, y’know?  Now, sit.  Let’s chat.  What made you come see me? Also, when we leave here, I need you to act like you were bailing me out.  Okay?”

Her eyes drop on the hand holding her wrist and for a mere second, she gets the feeling of being in trouble. Did he find out all the illegal things she has done? Who can blame her, being in a police station is scary when you know you have done something in the past which would get you in trouble. And despite how well they know each other, her assuming he wouldn’t just start to question him out of nowhere, she’s still looking around when they’re heading towards the breakroom; until she hears his words. Oh.

“Wait...” Chaeyeong finally opens her mouth when they’re inside the breakroom and the door is closed. “You need to still act like you’re undercover when you’re at the station?” She clearly sounds confused and she has her brows raised in confusion when her eyes land on his figure. Glancing at a chair, she pulls it out for herself to sit down and places the lunchbox on the table; clearly being more relaxed than earlier. “As an answer to your previous question before you dragged me into this room, yes, the food is convenience food so you don’t get poisoned. And if you do, it’s not at least my fault.”

The watch on the far wall ticks away every second he’s waiting in his chair, his cappuccino being savored as he does so. His eyes then move to the journal, sitting there patiently for her owner to reclaim. The novelist begins to wonder what Chaeyeong is like in person. Though, he could gather just enough from the call. 

He sets his cup down, a small clink resonating as the bottom of the porcelain hits the saucer just underneath. His eyes don’t leave the journal like a vulture’s eyes not leaving his dead prey. Supposed that he takes just a peak of things written in it? What is she to do? She’s not here yet, and the book is clearly from an actual idol’s thoughts. No. No. He shouldn’t be dissuaded by such a private book. He can’t, he won’t. If he’s in Chaeyeong’s shoes, he wouldn’t want anyone to look at his own private thoughts either. It’s trespassing one’s memories and inner struggles. His body relaxes itself as his head turns to look out the window for a brief moment before turning his attention back to the idol’s journal. 

A vibration resounding from his right forces him to glance at the phone. He’s usually not surprised with seeing notifications on his phone from his connections, but this number has him interested. The novelists grabs his phone to read the message, chuckling to himself. 

{sms} : Yes, the journal is here. Safe.

{sms} : [photo attachment of the journal] Just in case you were a bit suspicious. And we can discuss the reward when you get here. Please get here safely and quickly.

The male finds himself bringing the journal closer to him in an attempt to guard it effectively. He makes sure that it is within his peripheral vision to prevent any quick hands and prying eyes as his body twists towards the rest of the café patrons. If the journal does get snatched, he’s ready to retrieve it. 

She feels like the time is going really slowly while waiting for her manager and even when she’s finally sitting on his car, heading towards the location, it feels like the time isn’t going any faster. Fingers playing with each other as a nervous habit of hers, she’s still thinking of the worse case scenarios which could happen if her journal is read and possibly spread online. Her career would end, her entire reputation would go down the litter and she would need to return back to Jeju, hide there for the rest of her life. Fuck. She doesn’t want that to happen.

Chaeyeong can feel her heart missing a beat ( or at least it felt like it ) when she feels her phone vibrate against her lap. Her gaze drops down on it, to see the screen light up when a notification pops up as a preview of a new message; another notification going right under it. Instant relief of sigh leaves her after opening the screen, back of hers hitting the passenger’s seat back when she sees the picture of her journal. Thank God. She can see her manager giving her an eye with raised brows, but she doesn’t care. The journal is safe and that’s all that matters.

She doesn’t dare to answer back, her manager conveniently informing her they’re at their destination when he pulls off on the side, right next to the café. Brushing her hair back before placing the black facemask to cover her mouth and nose, half of her face exactly, the female glances at her manager’s direction. “Thank you. I will come back quickly.” Well, it really depends on what the stranger wants as a reward.

She even brushes her clothes when she gets out of the car, putting her phone in her hoodie’s pocket while walking towards the café's door and before she opens it, she needs to take a deep breath. She’s going to meet with a stranger who has her journal, has probably read it while waiting for her and most likely will use it as blackmail if he’s smart. Yeah, Chaeyeong isn’t really seeing this meeting in a positive light.

The singer is greeted by the sound of people talking, the smell of coffee hitting her senses and instead of scanning at the people’s faces, she’s looking at their tables to spot the familiar looking journal. She doesn’t even realize how her legs are slowly leading her on until she spots the familiar journal with black covers. And once again, she’s sighing in relief and can feel her body get more relaxed.

Her fingertips slowly pull down the facemask under her chin to reveal her identity to the stranger; eyes going back and forth between the journal and him. “Uh... Hi.” What an awkward way to greet someone, but from someone who is awkward when it comes to first time encounters, it’s expected.