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Excerpted from Will Hines’ blog Improv Nonsense, which I could not figure out how to reblog this from so I made a new post.
Well the first and best set of advice I have to offer isn’t even mine. It’s from UCB Performer Zach Woods in an email he sent to then-UCB student (now teacher and performer) Achilles Stamatelakey about this very problem. In Achilles’ words:
In May 2006, I had no confidence in my improv. After taking classes for a year-and-a-half, I felt like I was only getting worse at performing. I sent the following e-mail to some of the teachers and coaches I’d worked closely with at the time to seek their advice.
I’m not feeling great about my improv and I hope you can give me some advice.
I don’t remember when I’ve felt this unconfident in my performance. For the past month or so, I’ve constantly felt indecisive in scenes (both in practices and performances). I also feel way in my head and tentative. I find myself making moves because they seem like the “right” move to make, not because they’re best for the scene or the most fun. I’m making weak choices and end up in mediocre scenes because of it. In other words, I feel like I’m stuck “improvising” rather than “playing” a scene.
Part of my lack of confidence might stem from having some really great rehearsals and shows in March, then having really high expectations of myself in April during Harold team auditions and not meeting those expectations. That I got rejected from two teacher-approved performance workhops hasn’t helped my confidence either. It’s a vicious cycle.
What do you do when you feel like you’re in a rut? I want to feel like I’m improving my skills as an improviser in some way, but I haven’t felt confident in weeks. I don’t see myself getting out of this slump anytime soon.
Thanks again for all your help.
- Achilles
I got a bunch of responses, all of which I am extremely grateful for. Here is one of those responses:
Hey Achilles,
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Everyone gets in ruts from time to time, and I know how discouraging it feels. While there are some things you can do to help, I think the short (and probably disappointing) answer is you’ve just got to ride it out. Ruts always last longer than we want them to, but they don’t last forever. So try to be patient….as impossible as that sounds.
Here’s some other stuff….
-I think sometimes people who care a great deal about improv can get so wrapped up in the improv community and improv itself that their self-esteem becomes dependent on the quality of their improv. This happens to me more often than I’d like, and it’s always bad news for both my improv and my self-esteem. I think it’s important to remember (especially when you’re in a slump) that the qualities that make you valuable as a human being have nothing to do with group games or tag-outs. Whether or not you’re a worthwhile person has nothing to do with improv. If you’re doing awesome shows, you could still be an asshole, if you’re doing bad shows you could still be a kind, generous guy. Hopefully you’re not neurotic enough to be plagued by these issues, but, I know I am, so I figured I’d mention this stuff, just in case. So….
Remind yourself that your value as a person is in no way related to, or dependent on the quality of your improv.
- Another thing that can put people in their heads is a need to “achieve.”
While it’s great to get some validation in the form of recognition or approval, I think it’s best not to put too much stock in external recognition. The warm, mushy feeling that comes from ‘achieving’ (getting put on a team, class, etc.) is fleeting, and soon you’re back to worrying and working and trying to improve. I think it’s good to be patient and to move at your own rate. Try not to measure your progress against other people’s progress. I know that’s hard (maybe impossible) but I think if you allow yourself to improve at your own rate, it liberates you from the self-conscious, insecure, self-flaggelation that is anathema to good improv. Put your nose to the grindstone and do the work. It’s important to have goals, but I think it’s also important that those goals be rooted in personal progress rather than external achievement.
- Slumps are sometimes a result of improv-overkill. If you’ve been watching and doing improv constantly, it’s possible that you’re a bit burnt out. Good improv isn’t inspired by other improv, it’s inspired by life. If all you do is do/watch improv, you may have a deficit of life experiences to draw from. Take time to do the non-improv activities that you enjoy— things that have absolutely nothing to do with comedy. This will allow you to recharge. It will also put you back in touch with the things that make you unique and interesting as a person. That stuff is essential to good improv. Improv isn’t just about game and technique, it’s also about personality. It’s important to take time to do non-comedy things that make you who you are. Listen to the music you like, read a book, fly a kite, hang out with your non-improv friends, go swimming, walk a dog, do whatever you want as long as it doesn’t require a coach. Just get away from improv.
In a weird way it’s kind of like the game of a scene. If all you do in a scene is hit game, game, game, and you never play the reality of the scene, both the game and the scene will feel inorganic and contrived. Similarly, in life, if all you do is improv, improv, improv, and you don’t do interesting, fun non-improv stuff, your improv will feel stiff, and your life won’t feel so good either (in my experience).
-Get a new pair of shoes. I don’t know if this works, but I was in a slump once and I asked Peter Gwinn what I should do. He told me to get new shoes and wear them during rehearsals/shows. Make sure they are significantly different from the shoes you currently wear to rehearsals/performances. This might be bullshit, but it might be a miracle cure.
-Eat healthy, sleep well, exercise. I find that this stuff makes a huge difference. Taking care of your body allows you to focus better, etc. You probably already do this, but if not, eat some soy and get 8 hours of REM.
- If you feel like a show/rehearsal went badly, don’t beat yourself up. If you notice yourself moping or obsessing over the show, try to do something to take your mind off it. You are not helping your improv by mentally abusing yourself. Self-flaggelation is just a way of indulging one’s own insecurities and fears. Sometimes you can’t help it, but try to avoid abusing yourself if you can.
- And remember, your slump is temporary. It’s more in your own head than in reality.
Be patient, relax, and your slump will pass. Seriously.
You’re going to be alright,
Zach
PS. I apologize if this email comes off as pedantic and/or convoluted.
Besides the great advice, my favorite part of this e-mail is that Zach apologizes at the end for having written it. Very Zach.
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a post in which i process my feelings about erlich bachman and talk a lot about LOST.
(warning for 4x10 spoilers and talk about drug use and suicide.)
i haven't watched the episode yet (or any of season 4...whoops), but i just read this article, and i'm just like...stunned? i'm really glad i spoiled myself for this, because the last time something like this happened to me was when I was really big into LOST and--
(i want to warn for spoilers, but you’re about 7 years too late)
--it was revealed that john locke had been dead since the beginning of s5.
another spoiler alert: i did not handle it well.
like, holy shit, i did not handle it at all. i had related SO MUCH to him--he was spiritual and intelligent--like me!--and stuck to his values--like me! it was nice to see someone like him--read: like ME!!!--overcome his disability and be useful, not only to the characters on the show, but, on a greater scale, the universe within the show's reality. well, at least he seemed useful, up until the point where we were told that he wasn't.
i realize, like, seven years later, that his usefulness was mostly born of self-delusion. at heart, he was an immature, stunted, dangerous caricature of toxic masculine entitlement. i can see how he resonated so deeply with my 22 y/o self, but luckily, i've moved past that point in my life. i've healed a lot of the hurts that made him so relatable, and now, like bootcut jeans and that one time i got really into new-age philosophy, i find him repulsive and my love of him deeply, deeply regretable.
fast forward to about a half-hour ago, when i pop into the s4 channel in our SV discord server read the aforementioned article.
and i'm sitting here like, that's not fair! why would you do that to him! he matters, why would you give him an end like that, why would you take away his agency like that, he deserves better, etc. etc. etc.
"oh my god, it's john locke all over again."
it's literally how i felt when they revealed in s5 that john locke had never confronted his own shadow and come out on the other side stronger and healed and better for it. that his universe had intended for him to fail, and that success was never really an option.
like locke, erlich is going to disappear into narrative obscurity.
(sorry, LOST, but no amount of backpeddling is going to make john locke a "good guy." ...but that's neither here no there.)
it's heavily implied that erlich is going to self-destruct, or, at least, lose himself for a very long time.
erlich, like locke, was the product of hubris and the uncaring universe into which he was written. ultimately, they both make terrible choice after terrible choice, all leading to the moment where, instead of letting the universe take the wheel and drive the car off the cliff, they write themselves out of their own story.
locke tried to kill himself. (and, well, even that he doesn’t get right--the universe still fucks him.)
erlich is very likely going to drown his failure (and very poorly managed depression) in opiates.
the universe dealt them both a shit hand, but it's almost as though erlich himself reached over, slapped the universe's hand away from his own agency, and was like "i'll take it the rest of the way.”
like the article i linked above said, all he ever wanted was to be remembered. to leave something of himself behind after he's gone. is this his way--like john--of finally taking control of things by giving up and letting go of that? by finally accepting that failure is inevitable--that the universe doesn't care whether we succeed or fail or slowly kill ourselves in a Chinese opium den?
jesus. what the hell happened to him?
erlich was such a source of light and charisma and weird, misguided love!
in season one, he's the one who tells richard that they're still going to find a way to win Tech Crunch, even if he has to jerk off every guy in the audience.
in season 2, erlich hustled right alongside richard, cutting deals and sacrificing his own income as an investor because he believed that much in pied piper.
failure was never, ever an option for erlich, because like saul goodman (ah, yes, another fave who ruins his own life. is anyone else sensing a pattern here?), he believed that if he couldn't find a way, you could be damn sure he'd make one.
but then season 3 happened. i don't need to go into how this season changed him--how discarded he felt when they moved offices, how ashamed he was that he squandered not only his, but bighead's money. that richard undervalued him, and even then, erlich still gave everything he had to save him and his company.
i haven't watched season 4. i don't know what happens to him between tne final moments of season 3 and his exit, but the idea that erlich could go from season 3 to his final scene in season 4 is...
fuck. yeah? i get it. i hate it, but i get it.
and fuck if i don't relate to that, in the same way i did to john locke as a pretentious little undergrad shithead drowning in toxic masculinity and dealing with feelings of "oh god, i fucked up. is this it? is this all there will ever be?"
erlich is so fucking relatable to me at this point in my life! i'm a mentally ill entrepreneur with a deeply hedonistic streak and a new get-rich-quick scheme every 3 months. i want attention ALL THE TIME and think pretty highly of myself, with, admittedly, very little to show for it.
i want people to remember me.
i'm spinning my wheels.
my impact on this world is, at best, negligable.
i can see myself becoming an addict.
just...fuck.
i wanted to believe that erlich could have his way--that he could be important. that he could matter. that people would love him and validate him and someday teach university classes about him--or, at least, the company he helped to build.
i want to think that there's an alternate dimension out there where erlich and richard finally escape the grim reality of the sitcom story cycle and make pied piper the best it could be.
i don't want to think about a reality in which someone i relate so deeply to could just give up like that, regardless of how understandable it is.
i guess that's the danger of processing your own identity by using fiction as a mirror--you have no say in the lives of these characters. you can't save them, and there's this terrible, irrational little part of you that worries, "but...that's me. is this all there is?"
it's just weird going through this again, already having gone through it with a character that i've so completely outgrown.
will that be how i feel about erlich in 5 years?
will my reaction to his metaphorical death he be just another mildly embarrassing footnote in my greater life?
on one hand, i'd like to give my present self more credit--i'm not erlich, and as much as i love him and relate to him, i know i've got a leg up on him. i'm not a character in a story written by cynics (well, not literally, at least). i'm not beholden to the story cycle, where everything returns to narrative stasis at the end of every week. my life isn't a story.
unlike erlich, i have people who love me.
(fucking ouch.)
like everyone else in the Real World, i'm just trying to make sense of the ultimately meaningless chaos as best as i can. as played-out as this may sound, i’m the head writer of my own story, while erlich is at the mercy of writing teams and acting contracts.
he is a reflection of reality, not reality itself.
but, on the other hand, god it still stings.
erlich was such a singular character for me--bright and bold and foolish and sad and heartbreakingly relatable. it was hard to see him fall so hard, but i hope--in the same way i hope for myself--that someday, he finds his way.
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