~ BOOie's Haunted ~ Mansion

can i come over and stare at you with my kill you eyes

Berdly from Deltarune is transmasc!

Because under the post about giving minors the right to medically consent, people are spreading a ton of misinformation on this - largely because they just do not question the stuff they just assume are "normal". Which here is: "kids are all afraid of needles and therefore if we let them consent or not to medical proceedures, they would just not consent and not get vaccinations, because needles hurt".

And, look. Here is the thing: no, needles do not actually hurt a whole lot. And while, yes, certain procedures that involve being stabbed by a needle hurt more if you are younger for a bunch of reasons... that is actually not the main reason children fear needles. Because, again: the pain is not that bad. And most kids, especially young kids, whose motor skills are still developing, usually will have a bunch more hurting scratches, bruises and the like at any given moment than there will be pain from the needle.

No, from what research can tell, the main reason kids are afraid of needles, is more that for many of them needle procedures are very traumatizing. And that is largely because of the consent issue.

Imagine you are a person who is still pretty darn new to that whole human thing. So for one, yes, your brain is actually not that great in understanding what pain is dangerous and what pain is a safe limit of pain. So yes, someone intentionally hurting you (like with a needle) is really kinda scary. But then there is also the thing where this person hurting you is not telling you why they are doing. The people who you normally trust with keeping you safe (your family) is betraying you, by just holding you down and scolding you for crying over it. Or maybe it is not your family, but some strange nurse who is holding you. And while you are scared, because someone is intentionally hurting you, while someone else is restricting you, the adults around you are telling you, that your emotional reaction to this is actually bad and you are wrong for reacting that way. They might in fact lie to you and tell you that something that is insanely scary to you is "not that bad", instead of just understanding that it is super scary to you. And that is then what you start to expect whenever you see a doctor prepare a needle: people holding you down, hurting you without reason, and telling you that you are wrong for being upset, actively gaslighting you.

We have research on this. And this research is pretty clear: most kids are actually somewhat okay with needles, if you inform them why you are doing it, allow for them to have their emotions, talk to them about their emotions, and allow for them to set at least some conditions.

And frankly, I hate how many people just accept the framing of "kids are naturally afraid of this because it hurts". Like, folks, I know y'all are fucking Americans and that in your culture it is kinda normalized to like put kids into like some sort of fortified hamsterball to stop them from like doing typical kids stuff. But... let me tell you: if you do not do that, kids will actually very regularly engage in dangerous play that they know will often end up in injuries that are going to hurt. And, no, they are not to dumb to understand that. The kids know that this is what might happen because of their play. They actually just take the risk. Yes, they will cry if they get hurt, because - again - their nervous system is still calibrating how it relates to pain. But they will likely do that thing again and again. I can tell you: I fell down a tree so often during my childhood, and I still climbed it. Again and again. So did most kids I knew. Like, fuck, we lived next to a forest. We played "Tarzan", and tried to go along paths without touching the ground. And we fell. A lot. And we still did it.

Public health would be so much better if nurses didn't literally pin kids to a table while they scream to give them vaccinations. I don't think that's necessary ever. And it can give them trauma for life that will impact their ability to access health care as an adult

I hate saying that I have medical trauma because my medical experiences were mostly "normal" routine stuff, I didn't have cancer or any kind of chronic health condition or unusual rare illness. But I still got traumatized, or at least had a response that was very similar to trauma

because my whole entire experience of going to the doctor was "a bunch of adults forcibly do whatever they feel like doing with my body" whether stripping off my clothes, touching me everywhere, sticking needles in me, or hurting me in some way I didn't understand

And I know almost everyone with similar experiences didn't end up nearly as Fucked Up as I did over it, but holy shit was I fucked up over it

I literally didn't even know that medical consent was a thing until I was 19...like I thought that if you went into a doctor's office or hospital they could just do whatever they wanted...unless you ran out of there I guess, or managed to plead/cry/convince them otherwise???...

But I don't know how the hell I was supposed to automatically know better, since even when I was 15 I got blood drawn while I was crying and saying "no no no no no."

It’s 2 AM and my brain went: "You need to draw Gaara and Rock Lee eating instant ramen right now." 🍜 So here is some cozy GaaraLee!

you can't shower daily. you can't clean daily - not tidying, not dishes, not mopping, not vacuuming. you can't eat normally. you can't just go out to the store, cafe, park, movies, or bar. your world gets so small. just you, your home, and whatever things or pets you have.

so you just spend every single day coping with it all. you wake up in pain or otherwise sick, quite literally drag yourself out of bed. spend hours trying to feel well enough to do anything, even just eat your first meal of the day, or a fresh set of clothes.

and then, once you finally feel okay enough, you do something. anything. just one thing to take care of yourself, your house, your pets. and you're just. back to square one. spend another several hours resting, trying to keep your mind occupied. your mind wanders. days turn into weeks turn into months turn into years.

you look back to see what you've accomplished and it's just. so empty. you haven't managed to meet many more life milestones. maybe you've lost all your friends by now, or are cutting it close - any milestones you did reach just don't feel the same alone. people are tired of hearing that you're suffering all the time. they just want you to push through it. you want to too, more than anything in the world, but you can't.

and there's nothing you can really do. you can go to doctors appointment after doctors appointment. they can watch you deteriorate, and still, nothing changes, nothing helps, nothing works. and yet everyone still expects you to be like other people your age, and fulfill responsibilities that you don't even have access to anymore.

it's exhausting. it's demoralizing. it's enough to drive you crazy or to suicide. you have to comfort yourself through so many scary symptoms, so much pain, so much desperation. and at this point, i'm so angry at people who just get to live their lives without this level of disability, even if they struggle too, it's just.

why are disabled people who can't be independent at all just. discarded? why are we left to suffer in our homes or hospital rooms alone, without company, community, genuine compassion for our suffering that isn't about pushing us to "get better"? why do we have to be so fucking alone?

and why the hell do all of you fucks who can work, drive, socialize, take care of things in life, without all these barriers, think you're so much better than us? so much more worthy of life and friendship and love? just because you've been lucky enough so far to not be so severely ill?