Something Iāve noticed across a lot of posts of folks who hated the finale is the conclusion that Aziraphale and Crowleyās 6000 years together āmeant nothingā because they didnāt get to have the happy ending they deserved (to live as themselves freely in the universe where their relationship developed). So much of the phrases āmeant nothingā and āmeans nothingā and ānever mattered.ā
Maybe Iām less cynical than I thought I was because I had the exact opposite thought during that scene.
Their 6000 years together- so much history and friendship and turmoil and moral philosophizing and love - is what led them to make the decision they did. An entire new universe of humans with true free will was created from this love between them and also love for what continuously brought them together over thousands of years: humanity.
All of their experiences and 6,000 years together is not nothing. It did matter, it meant something - it means everything.
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Speaking into the void of thoughts on the Good Omens 3 / Finale: I enjoyed it, and I get why you didnāt (mostly).
Loooong post because I have no one to talk to about my feelings on this; TLDR at the end š
I am first a longtime fan of the book. I donāt know how many times Iāve read it over the years. I watched Season 1 passively with no real expectations of how it would play out because Iāve learned to not expect much from book to TV/movie adaptations. Loved Season 1 and thought it was very well done.
I didnāt have a lot of mental/emotional investment in Season 2 - I thought it was a cash grab thing, even though I knew vaguely that there was a sort of unofficial continuation planned out by the authors re the Second Coming and Jesus and Crowley and Aziraphale possibly in America. I actually really enjoyed Season 2! Lots of folks didnāt. I get why they didnāt. It was a different vibe than S1, lost some of its comedy, definitely felt a bit more like NG-writing (fuck that guy), and focused on showing a stronger establishment of a relationship between the angel and the demon that were only 2 characters out of many big characters in the original story ā¬ ļø this is why I assumed cash grab. But also I really enjoy those 2 characters, and their actors, so watching it wasnāt a hardship. Though the ending of S2 was heartbreaking, I still felt like it made sense to their characters.
Going into S3, again, I tempered my expectations ā especially after awful events and circumstances meant it was basically canceled. I was surprised they approved what they did. So we got a very short time to fit in all these storylines that were hoped for years ago AND had to resolve the romance that was built up in Season 2. I enjoyed the finale. I thought it was still funny, I liked seeing some familiar faces and some new faces, I thought the resolution of the very big differences between Crowley and Aziraphale was handled as well as could be. I thought their decision was predictable, honestly.
People hated a lot of different parts of it, and I can see where it comes from (for the most part):
I was surprised when I finished watching the finale and went on all the socials to see how people were reacting. I loved it and felt bittersweet about it. 99% of posts I saw HATED it. I was a little shocked and also felt a little hurt, I think? I read a lot of posts and after my initial surprise was able to see where people were coming from, even though I watched it with a different perspective. The most common issues I read about:
- Human A+C - they have no memories of their long history and are destined to die relatively soon because theyāre humans now (I saw mentioned this is considered Bury Your Gays but Iām sorry, I disagree with this). This is a very sad ending for them after having over 6000 years of immortality and fighting to be free from being trapped under Heaven and Hell and Godās Plan.
- Who cares about Random Humans Asa and Anthony? We donāt know who they are. No, we did not have any time to build them as characters as we did A+C, and even other couples like Nina and Maggie.
- Dropped, unfinished, or unnecessary plotlines. Plot holes.
- The Decision to sacrifice themselves for the opportunity to have a new universe where thereās no otherworldly interference - and no God therefore no angels or demons. Some folks feel this is glorifying suicide. I can sort of see where (person-dependent) it looked like A+C giving up and their willingness to disappear felt like suicide. I saw this decision compared to the Confession in Supernatural (15x18), as well, which I was surprised by because I felt very differently when I watched the ending of SPN to how I felt watching this finale.
- The Decision, Crowley not reacting to the mention of Aziraphaleās love for him, other moments like this being out of character. Iām more curious on this, as I never felt A+C acted out of character and all of the things some were bothered by, I saw as being in character.
- the lack of a ārealā kiss or physical intimacy. I know that the kiss in the final fifteen was devastating so them not getting a do over feels like a missed opportunity to āfixā the first kiss. I understand why itās disappointing, especially in a bigger picture, queer-characters-on-TV kind of way. And as a fanfic enjoyer, Iāve read all kinds of physical and non physical intimacy for these characters. But I think the first kiss was out of character - something out of anger and desperation and not an appropriate response in the moment. It looked uncomfortable. Their relationship is already filled with so much intimacy that isnāt kissing. We donāt see them so much as hug in this show, but we feel their connection so strongly. Maybe my bias is too much: Iām on the ace spectrum, I enjoy kissing and occasionally more, but in my life there are so many other things to a relationship that hold more value and say a lot more about how I or the other person feels. Maybe Iām being very biased when I just donāt think we actually need that for those characters. We got a hand hold that didnāt look uncomfortable, actually looked like theyāve done that before, and was more romantic than the Final Fifteen kiss. We also got their version of a kiss, which seemed to call back to the moment in S2 when Aziraphale touches his lips after Crowley leaves. He āreturnsā the kiss and itās received.
Re Crowley and Aziraphaleās Decision:
I think this made sense for them. Iāve seen a lot of people feeling it was out of character for them. I think I can see why this might seem that way depending on how someone watches the story.
I have always seen the two of them putting themselves in harmās way for humans so frequently (Crowley often begrudgingly, Aziraphale more often seeming fearful/hesitant - but they both are in danger quite a lot), and they were willing to fight to whatever outcome at the end of S1. After years and years of fighting for humanity and to stop being persecuted by Heaven/Hell, and after seeing for themselves that the system is too corrupt and powerful and therefore canāt be changed, the decision to let humans be humans without zero interference now that there was a chance for itā¦I think they would have made this decision even before S3 if theyād gotten to talk to God / get an opportunity to get answers. The otherworldly interference is why I think they didnāt write in the blank books. I donāt think they would want the responsibility, but more so I think they donāt want to interfere anymore either. If they write the universe, they are playing God as well.
As far as their answer to Godās (and their own) question of āwhat do you want?ā Of course, we assumed Aziraphaleās response to Crowley of āyou know what I wantā means he is finally choosing Crowley over his previous choices to try to fix the system - heās tired and has finally accepted it canāt change, and heās choosing Crowley (thinking of āNothing lasts foreverā and āitās always too lateā š). At the end of the day, Aziraphale is more selfish than he makes himself out to be. And of course, Aziraphale is not surprised by what Crowley wants. He knows what Crowley cares about most - itās why Aziraphale even went to Heaven in the first place. This a big part of why Aziraphale loves him. Because of course, when given an opportunity FINALLY by God Herself to do something, to get rid of the system entirely to free humanity, Crowley would take it, because he is a lot more selfless than he makes himself out to be.
He and Aziraphale are facing God - they canāt defeat God. This isnāt really a story where they are ever made to think they can defeat Her. They lie and rebel and work around Her, but I donāt think it even occurred to them that they could get out of this alive while God is dead. So requesting a universe where there is no Godly interference was the most doable request. Thereās no guarantee that God would do this - but thereās also no guarantee that God doesnāt already have endless other universes. She agreed to their request because she thought it was fun. Through all of time they were terrified and persecuted, always facing punishment for not following orders, and she found them silly. Ugh. They found the lady, and She is indeed a cruel and careless God.
Are Asa Fell and Anthony Crowley random people or a reincarnation?
I have no opinion either way on this. I think itās sweet either way.
While watching, I assumed Asa and Anthony were two people in the new universe that we didnāt know. Using Aziraphale and Crowleyās likeness and names felt like a creative choice to show the audience that maybe these are reincarnations of our beloved pair, their souls finding each other again in a universe where they have more choice and less manipulation OR maybe these are just two people who happen to look like them and share similar names, who are meeting in a bookshop and immediately connecting and we get to peek in on this random coupleās life in this new Godless universe.
The reincarnation feels more romantic because it reminds me of so many āsoulmates through timeā stories. I love this theory.
I also love thinking theyāre just two unknown people. Because I donāt think we have to know them to care that they got to have their meeting and their marriage and life in the South Downs. Theyāre two people out of all the people in the world that got to have this life because of Aziraphale and Crowleyās selfless decision. A+C never knew all the humans in the world - they met many, and found them extremely flawed and frequently kind despite the world so often actively working against them. But it doesnāt matter to them to know every human in order to care that they get a shot at a good life. So I guess it didnāt matter to me that I didnāt know Asa and Anthony either. I was just happy for them.
I also think this idea extends to the other familiar faces we see at the end! In this new universe, people who remind the audience of their previous-universe roles are choosing to spend time together (the Antichrist/Adam and Jesus pairing!) now that there arenāt forces keeping them separated for the story. Maybe they are kinder, more open, in this world? Iām not certain. But even if theyāre just random humans, I think we should care that others are happy or trying to be, or at least that they have free will, even if we donāt have a personal connection to them.
I had all of these thoughts while watching - I saw more than one way to interpret what was happening. So, I am ok with any interpretation.
What I didnāt like about the finale:
- I would have loved to see the complete and fuller Jesus storyline. The actor was delightful and I laughed and also my heart broke when Jesus said he never gets a real go at it. So true, Jesus, so true.
- It felt rushed, obviously! Needing to fit in too many plots while trying to resolve others in such a short window means it was going to feel clunky.
- Some scenes felt unnecessary and I wish theyād spent it somewhere else. I couldnāt even say where, but it felt like there were some scenes that were placed there for humor but werenāt funny enough to warrant it, and some scenes spent a bit long on nonessential dialogue between A+C. I love them and their banter and as a fan of their romantic relationship (as an ace spectrum person), I like seeing them interact and I can enjoy their nonessential dialogue. But bigger picture I thought their dialogue needed more substance/heightened emotion or they could have spent the time on other scenes. This is because of how little time they had to begin with - if weād had more time I probably wouldnāt have felt this way.
- I donāt remember why Whickber Street was being bought out. I may have missed something. There was all the construction and the missing characters because they were out of business, being bought out or lost their business. Was this Godās doing? Was it just a way to show the passage of time? Was it a way to explain why we werenāt seeing more familiar faces? I felt invested in knowing more about what was going on there because Mrs Sandwich mentioned it several times, but ultimately I assumed the casino people were the ones running everyone out and they didnāt go into it.
- While I love any flashback of A+C, I didnāt think the war in heaven was super interesting because we didnāt get to see much of it. Loved the costuming and the idea of the war, but I guess it was meant to establish that there is a center of all creation so they could bring it back later with Michael and the Book of Life.
- I canāt believe the Book of Life is so easily stolen and accessible. This was a very underutilized plot. They mention it in S2 as being this near-mythical thing that the Metatron (or higher, I assume) would use as an extreme punishment. I was a bit bummed to see that Michael just straight up walked in and took it. Yes it erases the universe, but it was literally a book that someone in Heaven could justā¦take? Idk.
- Thereās other things I canāt remember right now
Some things I enjoyed about the finale:
- All the characters! I loved them. I enjoy all the little pieces of people we got to see. I love the familiar faces and the new ones.
- the way A+C stumble through their āapologiesā and forgiveness - weāve seen the funny apology dance and the devastating āI forgive youā at the end of S2. I feel like theyāve had at least a few other versions of those apologies and forgiveness throughout time, because this last time it felt familiar. Crowleyās annoyed āI forgive youā feels like itās not the first time heās said it to a sad faced Aziraphale.
- Crowleyās Heaven outfit and Aziraphaleās and Murielās Hell disguise!
- Jesus and his interactions with other characters
- Donāt Stop Me Now by Queen is one of my favorite songs of all time and it was so literal for the scene itās used in, it made me laugh. Same for Youāre My Best Friend at the end - Iāve ALWAYS associated this song with A+C even pre-show.
- Loved the actress who played God! She did excellent. I know people were disappointed it wasnāt Frances McDormand, but I feel we should all assume that GO3 is the best they could make of the situation. We canāt know for certain why actors didnāt reappear in the finale. It would have been cool to see McDormand as God, but also the version of God we got was very cool.
- Terry Pratchett watching over the couple at dinner. The portrait made me cry. ā¤ļø
TLDR
I loved it. I get why some didnāt. I think it was the best it could be with all the known and unknown circumstances it was made under. Everyoneās acting was great, David Tennant and Michael Sheen of course amazing as expected. It suffered from not enough time, too many introduced plots and unfinished ones, cut corners, lacked the faster pace banter of the original story (S1). I donāt dismiss peopleās sadness and frustration over how it played out, because we do invest emotionally - the fact that we do means it was a story worth investing in. I hope everyone who hated it takes the time to vent and then is able to return to enjoying it the way they want to going forward (or leaving it entirely if they feel thatās best). We will never get a finale for anything that makes every one of us satisfied. Iāve really enjoyed lurking on all the meta and art and fanfics and celebration of this fandom.
Iām always so impressed with the amvs/edits I see for Supernatural, I wish I had the patience and time to learn how to make them. I have a vision for an amazing Dean Winchester amv to One of the Greats by Florence + The Machine. Itās in my head and I need to see it with my physical eyeballs.
Themes of femininity, frustration and anger, performance/authenticity, finding success and fame in something you do well while being simultaneously loved and hated for it, being too much and never enough, etc.
Also the more literal imagery of death and resurrection.
If anyone sees/finds/makes this, please tell me! šš¾
Something I noticed during my spn re-watch last year was that during the episodes leading up to Cas's death he has a last episode with each member of team free will.
In 15x15 he and Jack finally get a solo case together where they wear matching ties and are generally endearing to watch.
There's even a scene where Cas just tells Jack how proud he is to have him as son <3
Then in 15x17 when Sam doesn't trust Billie's plan to kill Chuck (it will kill Jack in the process), he and Cas work together to find a way to talk to Billie about her plan.
(I couldn't find any images of them from 15x17)
Sam says to Castiel that he knows he's being crazy, but he has to try something, and Cas tells him, "I don't think you're crazy. I think your internal compass is functioning perfectly." Something about that line really summarizes their sweet but chaotic dynamic for me.
And of course, 15x18 where Castiel in his final moments confesses his profound love for Dean and is taken by the empty :(
Idk if Cas having all of these significant character interactions before he died was intentional, but what is in Supernatural.
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A little appreciation post for all of these non-male characters in OFMD. They are absolutely badass and it's one of the best aspects of the whole show.
We have problematic lesbians! Murder plotting widows! A nonbinary assassin! A killer nun! Pirate queens!
Zheng, Auntie, Jackie, Jim, Mary, and Archie are all featured significantly. But this extends to Nana, Evelyn, Hellkat Maggie, Mary Read and Anne Bonny too. Every single one of them has, in some way, rejected their social/patriarchal expectations and they have all flourished because of it.
Even the characters we only see for one episode manage to be presented in a way that is pretty much entirely complete. We understand exactly who they are, even when we don't know every aspect of their lives.
mandatory appreciation post for stede's bitchy one liners we are talking "looks like there is trouble in paradise" and his honest " I didn't want to give it you" when jim hands him the petrified orange back
when fandoms go off about how some character "deserved better" it's always funny - like as a writer i do not fucking care what my characters "deserve" because they're not real people, i care what makes a good story.
but it's especially funny with ofmd where one of the big themes of the story is that worrying about what you deserve is a trap. the only character we see talking about what people "deserve" is stede's dad telling him he should feel bad about inheriting wealth he didn't earn.
so stede goes off and builds a community that's willing to embrace a guy who's done nothing to deserve it. that's the whole point of izzy's arc. he didn't deserve better. he actually deserved way worse. he deserved for stede to leave him in the red flags brig for killing the man stede loved and lying to stede's face about it. but stede isn't his dad, and he doesn't think people should be shamed for accepting grace they don't deserve. and stede's crew, who learned from him, don't think you should have to earn your place in a community. the unicorn figurehead didn't have a FUNCTION on the ship but they loved it anyway and they're willing to offer love to izzy without him doing anything to earn it.
anyway i'm proposing a new ao3 tag that's more in keeping with the themes of the show: Izzy Hands Deserved Worse Actually (But It's Beautiful That He Didn't Get What He Deserved)
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Just occurred to me that the Ned Low thing is the first time Ed really gets to see Stedeās form of piracyā¦working? Like, as a pirate? Before he was teaching Stede how to be a pirate, but it was his way and his crew running raids. Heās not there for the Spanish raid. So with Ned Lowās crew, Ed sees Stede take command but do it in his own bloodless and effective way.
And then he sees him thinking he has to turn to violence to keep Ed safe.
Itās all very complicated, but Ed is seeing, for the first time, the full conflict between who Stede is and the life that they live, and Ed knows this can destroy him. Because in his deepest heart, Ed is a kind and gentle person just like Stede, and he knows what happened to him.
OFMD took such care with developing the women on this show, and in such a short amount of time. I fucking love every one of them. The moment theyāre introduced Iām so invested in their stories - which we donāt really get to see much of, but they all feel like fully developed real people.
Sometimes with shows or movies I will not remember, or only have vague memory of a character(s), and then Iāll find out they had so much screen time and I canāt believe I forgot so much about them. When I rewatch OFMD Iām always surprised at how little screen time some of these women have because they feel very present and important to the show (yes, even Olivia!) I love that ā¤ļø
Iād fucking love to see an episode about each one of these womenās backstories.
Ed Teach & Love
Do I think Edās ever felt an intense connection before Stede? Everything about his characterisation suggests that he has. Edās a man of deep feeling. He has most likely experienced liking, lust, longing, and limerence, and even thought he has loved. We know his friends understand enough about his preferences to suggest he has a ātypeā. Whatever their connection, Ed is still troubled thirty years later in the Gravy Basket by the terrible loss of Felix.
Thereās one thing feeling though, and another in being able to nurture that feeling, and nothing in Edās life before Stede suggests he existed within an environment which allowed for that.
Life as a pirate is transient. People come and go. Folk are there one minute, dead the next. How many crushes did Ed have to see perish before he decided no longer to feel ? How safe was it to let those feelings be known even in the first place? According to Ed and Jack, they were treated āworse than dogsā in their younger days. Stede himself suggests that most pirates had the constant mental pressure of wondering how they would next eat. I should imagine pirates live very much in the lizard part of their brain - fighting, fleeing, food, fornication. Itās not really conducive to romance.
Coupled with the idea that Ed likely has some form of c-ptsd, which can make forming relationships difficult, nothing about Edās past suggests an environment in which he could fall in love. And once he became Blackbeard, it would not have been safe for him to give away emotional control in that way.
There are several things about the situation with Stede which allows Ed to fall in love. One is the setting of the Revenge, if we ignore Izzy, being a safe space allowing that exact thing. We have Lucius and Pete, and Jim and Oluwande. There are friendships which flourish too, such as Frenchie and Wee John. Stede is paying his crew a wage meaning the next meal is guaranteed. Ed enters a world that isnāt living minute to minute. Thereās time and leisure, pursuit of the arts, and a community built not just on survival.
Ed also feels safe to share his trauma. Itās confirmed in the Gravy Basket that Stede is the only person Ed ever told about the murder of his father. When Ed shares and Stede doesnāt recoil, instead offering friendship, it allows some of Edās walls to start to come down, and only then can he begin to move towards intimacy. Love cannot flourish without trust.
This leads to the third thing, which is that Stede sees Ed immediately. It was said at one of the cons that āvulnerability recognises vulnerabilityā, and the first time Stede meets Ed properly, there appears some truth in that. Stede intuits they are kindred spirits in ways he isnāt yet conscious. Ed now also wants to be seen, not caring to uphold the image of Blackbeard in quite the same way. Edās being seen, and then further seen, despite revealing what he views as his darkest parts, is what enables him to lay the groundwork to fall, properly, for the first time.
However, I do think for much of season one, Ed is in a state of limerence. He very much puts Stede on a pedestal, and has wild plans about running away. Itās as if heās in love with being in love. In season two, now he knows Stedeās not necessarily got it āall figured outā, yet understands he returns his feelings, I think we see Ed truly falling in love. It might be partly why heās so hesitant during the second ywftw. Heās been hurt, but this is also uncharted waters, and he knows this goes well beyond heady feelings. He wants a long-term relationship and a stable future, tenderness, nurture, and companionship, which is what they get in the finale.
The question of whether Ed has ever fallen in love before is complicated by a number of factors, but I think itās safe to say he has never felt a love like he has for Stede. That doesnāt make it āpureā or better than other ways of loving, it just makes it theirs - itās their particular love story. Itās not a static thing either. Itās going to change and grow into something Ed, Stede too, never thought possible, and theyāre going to marvel at what they create together. And Iām going to think about it, forever.
Do you think thereās any significance to the fact that Dean starts dying and has to be resuscitated immediately after John and Sam start screaming at each other over him? š
Okay actually yes. I was thinking today about how different Dean's reactions are to his impending demise in a hospital in 1.12 Faith versus 2.01.
How 1.12 Dean immediately accepts the reality of death.
"Options? You got burial or cremation"; "Pick someone else"... He even, after being saved, appears to plan to sacrifice himself for Layla.
But in 2.01? Dean immediately wants to LIVE. He begs (though they can't hear) both Sam and John to save him.
So I was thinking about what happens in the lead up to each of these episodes and how that informs how Dean responds to his own approaching death + how Dean's heart stops after Sam and John start fighting in 2.01. And it's all connected to Sam and John and their family and how Dean is its breaking heart.
The lead up to 1.12 Faith? It's fucking brutal.
1.08 "Bugs"
Dean learns exactly how alienated Sam always felt in their family and how desperate Sam was to get out... all because John was utterly incapable of telling or showing Sam that he was actually proud of him (1.04; 1.08). Johnās inability to express pride in Sam directlyāonly in his absenceāis just this⦠stupid, idiotic, poisonous thing that Dean canāt do anything about... and there's an extra layer of ugliness to it too, because Sam grew up thinking Dean was perfect to John while he was a freak, while Dean... felt the exact oppositeālike Sam was unconditionally loved while he was disposable and never forgiven. John's ability to make them BOTH feel unwanted is... if Dean reflected on it (which I think he did) already just... utterly exhausting to think about fixing as it poisons them both against John and each other. But it gets worse.
Dean adapts to what others need and Sam and John do not. John went around implying he was disappointed in Sam at every turn out of anger and fear of what would happen to Sam if he wasn't properly shaped. He wasn't willing to bend to Sam's personality or desires or needs. And Sam would never change shape for John, regardless of how much it hurt not to feel accepted. Meanwhile, Dean is paralleled with a literal shapeshifter in 1.06 because his whole life, he's forced himself into a multitude of different shapes in order to be what John and Sam neededāso that their family could survive.
The cruel irony is, Dean's second skin meant Sam thought Dean never felt bothered or trapped or stifled or like he was sacrificing anything... when Dean had actually sacrificed everythingāsilenced every complaint and crushed every dream. The shape Dean took on largely for Sam's benefit made Sam feel further alienated in their family because of how sharply Dean's lack of complaining contrasted with Sam's desperate, raging rebellion. Sam thinks Dean was perfect and he resents and is jealous of that. While, Dean sees Sam's bull-headed refusal to be shaped into what anyone else would want him to be, and he's resentful and jealous of that.
It's this ugly tangled mess that feels helpless as soon as you get a good look at itālike the layers of miscommunication and pent up resentments could never be untangled, and John swirls around at the centerāa guy who is never going to stop long enough to see the poison dripping down and think anything other than, "I'll fix that later" (1.21) which is a goddamn pipe dream.
1.09 "Home"
In 1.09, Dean calls John crying and John does not respond. He instead hears a voicemail telling him to help himself. Dean never knows John came to Lawrence. Meaning Dean thinks John not just ignored him, but ignored Mary tooāwho all of this was supposed to be about. So does their family matter to John at all? Does Dean matter at all? (John's voicemail telling Dean he's all alone will be heard again in 1.12).
Dean also tells Sam about his voicemail later (1.10) and Sam absolutely has feelings about John ignoring Dean and that case too and Dean watches that further poison Sam and John's relationship too.
1.10 "Asylum"
Oh boy oh boy.... this is the most brutal one.
Sam and Dean learn that John is alive, but that he has no intention of seeing them, and Sam fucking loses it. John poisons Sam's view of him further, amplified by years of similar treatment. But what might be new for Dean is seeing how John's absence has poisoned Sam's view of Dean too.
Sam needed a mother and a father and a protector all in one, and John needed a soldier and a coparent and a spouse. So Dean has attempted to sustain all of those shapes all at once his whole life, and he can't sustain any of them because they are conflicting and falseāmasksāhe's a shifter wrapped in a second skin, repeatedly being asked to shed and take a different form as a new situation arises. Like Sam, Dean has no power over John's behavior. But Sam perceives Dean to have power because some of the skins Dean has forced himself into since childhood implied power Dean does not actually haveānot over Sam, and not over John.
In "Asylum", Sam frames Dean's plans and arguments as orders due to this false perception of power. He also says Dean has no mind of his own, because Sam is just starting to get that Dean might be wearing a second skin all of the time... but he's also contemplating the terrible thought that Dean might be hollow on the insideānothing but a shape that mindlessly executes John's orders. And... if that's the case... part of Sam wishes Dean would follow his orders instead. Sam also suggests (not for the first time) that it's Dean's fault that they haven't found the demon yet. Dean hears the trigger of his own gun click over and over and over as Sam tries blow his brains out.
Dean doesn't bother to talk to Sam about it after, because Sam immediately lies, refusing to admit that anything he said was even partially true, leading Dean to assume all of it was wholly true. It's another tangled mess that feels exhausting to unpack even if Sam was willing to tell the truth.
1.11 Scarecrow
One episode after nearly killing Dean, Sam is already blowing up at Dean again over John's absence and behavior. Sam leaves, because he will not mold himself into what John wants him to be, and Dean also will not mold himself into what Sam wants him to be.
What Sam really really doesn't get... is that John does not dictate Dean's shape. Dean is the one who chooses Dean's shape. John's and Sam's needs only inform Dean's shape.
The shape Dean wears is determined by Dean's heart. That's actually worse for Dean in some sense, because his heart is helplessly stuck loving his familyāas a whole. He cannot hate one of them and love the other. He loves them both. He resents them both. They are ripping his heart in two. Dean can never go home... but he can also never stop haunting the highway.
DEAN
Youāve always known what you want. And you go after it. You stand up to Dad. And you always have. Hell, I wish Iāanywayā¦.I admire that about you. Iām proud of you, Sammy.
1.12 "Faith"
Culminating from the hopelessness of 1.08-1.11, Dean's begins dying of a broken heart.
Sam and John will never mend their relationship. Sam despises John. John doesn't care about their family anymore. Maybe he never did. John will never change. Dean doesn't have the power to change him. The poison drips down. Sam despises Dean. Dean resents them both.
Their family will never be whole again. Dean won't ever be whole again. Never. Because Sam and John don't need Dean. Not like Dean needs them. Either the poison will finally reach Dean's heart, or Sam and John will rip it in half. Either way, it'll be discarded in the dirt. They won't be there to see it give out its last feeble beat. They won't even notice.
DEAN
(sounding resigned and clicking the TV off) Yeah. All right, well, looks like you're gonna leave town without me.
SAM
What are you talking about? I'm not gonna leave you here.
Yet in response to Dean's impending demise, Sam doesn't leave. Sam says, "Watch me".
And in 1.16, Dean hears Sam say they'll never be a family again, but shortly after he sees Sam and John embrace each other in tears. And in 1.20 and 1.21, Sam and John fight and fight and fight... but they also find common ground. Dean sides with Sam against John on sticking together as a family and they wear John down and John finally starts including them. Dean likely thinks Sam will still go back to school... but he probably also thinks Sam would take his calls now too. Then in 1.22, Dean fights and fights to keep them aliveāfor Sam and John not to kill each other or themselves for revenge, and Sam listens. Sam is sitting there with The Colt ready to kill John and Dean begs him not to do itāhis chest ripped openāand Sam chooses Dean and he says the demon doesn't come before everything while looking at Dean bleeding out in the rearview mirror.
2.01 "In My Time Of Dying"
In 2.01, Dean wants to live. One of the first things he does is ask Sam to find a priest to lay some mojo on him in a parallel of 1.12āthe episode where Dean figured out that Sam cared.
But Dean's heart stops beating right after Sam and John start fighting.
SAM
You care more about killing this demon than you do saving your own son! [...] You're not thinking about anybody but yourself, it's the same selfish obsession!
John hasn't changed. John still thought Sam should have killed the demon. John is going to abandon him like he did in 1.09 and 1.12. Sam and John will always be at odds. They'll always despise each other... and Dean will always be helplessly trapped in the middle.
JOHN
If you'd killed that damn thing when you had the chance, none of this would have happened.
SAM
It was possessing you, Dad, I would have killed you too.
JOHN
Yeah, and your brother would be awake right now.
SAM
Go to hell.
JOHN
I should have never taken you along in the first place. I knew it was a mistake, I knew I was wrong ā
DEAN
I said SHUT UP!
THEY MADE UP A WIFE FOR CAIN. THE TWO BROTHERS SHOW TOOK THE MOST FAMOUS CASE OF A BROTHERāS BETRAYAL, SHAVED OFF ONE OF THE BROTHERS, AND GAVE THE OTHER ONE A WIFE. AND THEN THEY DIRECTLY PARALLELED IT TO DESTIEL. CAIN AND ABEL WERE RIGHT THERE AND YET??????
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In Supernatural, the characters got to be real, if just for a moment, and it was this moment of being that revealed how the story would fail without the having. No matter what came after, that is why we are still here.
- GODDAMN.
āWhat we are cannot be taken away. Our potential to see ourselves and each other will always be the revolutionary basis from which we challenge control. Being will inevitably demand having.ā
Excellent reflection on SPNās ending and why we hold onto the story even when it hurts.