A Woman's Note

Russian custard with a twist dessert

Raw egg yolks

Raw honey

Cow kefir (can use yogurt also)

Vanilla (omit if avoiding)

Hand mix or use an electric mixer to whip the egg yolks and honey on high for 2-3 minutes

It has been a true pleasure making my baby girl some handmade garments. It started with this Merino Wool Cream colored vest and Cream colored Merino Wool Bib. From there I took those as my layout and attempted to recreate some cozy vests for her to sleep/travel in when she's still size newborn-small. She'll be outgrowing these fairly quickly and summer will be hitting so, come 6-12 months I am hoping I will have some made up that will fit her just right for her first Fall/Winter.

Disana Tie Nappies!

What are Tie Nappies? I have provided a link below if you're curious where to buy them new, but I Highly recommend you check out the Facebook Group "Cloth diaper B/S/T" Or "Green Mountain Diaper B/S/T" or any of the many cloth diapering buy / sell trade groups to keep costs down!

We personally sourced all of our cloth diapers second hand which we found to save us SO MUCH MONEY! Babies are expensive and we wanted to prioritize other things when it came to big spending.

The beautiful thing about tie nappies is they fit all sizes so you don't have to buy different sizes every-time your baby grows which lets be honest, is every 1-3 months!

They also wash so easily and dry so quickly. They air dry in a matter of hours and in the dryer they become just oh so soft. Unlike Fitteds or all in one diapers which take ForEver to dry, ugh! They are so thick and the air has a harder time flowing through. So, in terms of cleaning and laundry, these are a HUGE PLUS!

PRO TIP: we learned the hard way... tie your nappies together in one tie so they don't get tangled together and you'll be just fine. Line these with a doubler or an insert of some sort and you're good to go :)

We will be covering our nappies with wool overnight and mostly during the day depending on her outfit that day, or we will be using our Green Mountain Diaper snap PUL white diaper covers which can be covered in another post!

What’s easier than having your Newborn stash hanging above the changing station? We have:

* White PUL newborn covers (5)

* @greenmtndiapers Newborn Wool snap covers (3)

* newborn felted wool nighttime cover

* @greenmtndiapers newborn prefolds (12)

* wool extra absorbent protection liners homemade by me (2)💕

* extra absorbent liners

I have the words “Be Here Now” written ever so delicately yet, confidently on my inner arm. Now though my brother and I aren’t Close, I asked that he write it in his own font to make it well, you know, Personal.

At the time I was smoking some cigarettes, though, I couldn’t tell you the brand, I am thinking they were 27 somethings…

I was driving a 2 door grey Chevrolet Aveo that basically drove like a go cart and the windows were roll down.. hence “Roll Down the Window.” I was driving to get my tattoo with the window cracked, music playing and I felt as if I were making some pact into adulthood or maybe there was some self record I had to beat.

Fast forward to me walking into the tattoo shop pretending like I know what I am doing. I walk over to the table after we go over the artwork, size etc. I asked the artist, “will this hurt?” She goes on to tell me about all the tattoos she’s done and all the poeple she’s worked on…

I said again “Do you think this will be painful? I don’t handle pain very well, I’m quite the baby.” She says to me…

“You know, you don’t and can’t remember pain. Even if it’s a little painful, you won’t remember it. Pain is just temporary and the mind cant grasp on to it enough to have any lasting memory of it.” This eases my anxiety but, not enough.

My first tattoo was 8 years ago. Here I am now sitting on my couch in a black maternity onsie because my stomach is so bloated all sources suggested maternity clothes. I am 5 or 6 days into my IVF journey and if you don’t know what that is, its basically; doctors, medicine and a whole bunch of science to get you pregnant! Yeah… medicine.

We will just start off there because I am like I said, a baby when it comes to pain. I have to take 3 injections a day and on top of that, every other day I have to go into the clinic in the morning for Bloodwork and a Transvaginal Ultrasound. Yes, you read that right, a TRANSVAGINAL Ultrasound. This lasts anywhere from 5-10 minutes. Some days the ultrasound isn’t as bad, some days quite the contrary. I would like to add the bloodwork to that last sentence as well. I’m lucky if my guy Chris is there. He not only eases the pain by his easy swagger and chipper personality so early in the morning, but he nails it every. Single. Time. Unfortuantly Chris is only there weekdays and being a human like i am, i operate also on weekends.

Today was a bloodwork, ultrasound, 3 shots day. I remember the pain. I remember the cramps and the pressure from the ultrasound counting my many many follicles. I remember the shots because tonight SUCKED. Not only did it leave me running to the bathroom in tears crying, it bruised. They don’t always bruise but when they do, thats how you know, that one sucked.

I’ve had my fair share of pain and I will confidently say, you can indeed remember pain.

I remember all the shots, i remember all the bloodwork and i remember that first tattoo. Though it wasn’t bad, it left an inmpression and for that I am grateful. In it’s own way I feel there is a sense of connection with the tattoo outside of it being “personal” because i remember getting it done. I think the journey through IVF has been extremely painful and uncomfortable but, with all the pain, ill remember the journey of making my future unborn child. I am grateful that I am present and I am here for this. Though, I do wish I could have conceived naturally, i guess, god wanted me to work a little harder for it ;) Fight and be brave because Pain is temporary but, without it in those life changing moments, big or small we may not have remembered its lasting touch it had on us.

What better than a proper introduction for whomever may be scrolling. Maybe you’re lying in bed late at night and your RLS is flaring up. Perhaps its midday and your lunch break has just begun, the feeling of ESCAPE is as close as the peanut butter & jelly sandwich in the break room fridge. Perhaps you have a newborn who won’t stop crying and you’ve been up nursing for days on end with no moments for yourself. Maybe there was a breakup or emotional trauma that has left you on the floor wondering what’s next.

Well, regardless of why you are here I am glad you are.

I have found myself on the other side of a blog or an instagram/tiktok page looking for emotional connection, well, relation. I think we all just want to find someone we relate to, someone to help us when we are somewhere outside of our body or even just off the path we feel we should be on.

I have been so down that suicide felt like the only way to get up off the floor. I have been in a position of bleeding out in the ER because i had a complication with an abortion with a man who was abusive, manipulative and a liar.

I have been beaten by my father, left and locked out by my mother and slept in my car to avoid confrontation.

I have also rescued two beautiful dogs, lived in Austin, been a yoga teacher and student for many years, lived and worked at an Indian Ashram in the mountains of Taos and more recently gotten married, bought a house, started IVF and opened two small businesses.

Life is crazy, theres no doubt about that. Connection and togetherness is so important when we are faced with such trials and tribulations, we need that woven interaction whether its face to face or here, just reading and knowing you’re not alone.

I have so much to share and so much I want to explore with the world and I hope that I will be able to offer guidance and some sort of lending ear to anyone who just needs to SCREAM or feel like you’re not alone.

With all my love,