What Is My Life

when the door's closed it says FIFTH-DEGREE KEBAB FAMINE, it's the name of their band

Breaking the family curse (being the first to get a diagnosis)

Im starting to get bored of this post someone spice it up for me

Black Friday is such a joke nowadays. “Don’t miss out on 30% off” don’t piss me the fuck off. People used to hit each other over the head for a microwave that’s how low the prices were. People literally died. We used to be a country

A nine tailed kitsune but all the tails are those floating inflatable men you see outside car dealerships

when i have to do the captchas that ask you to pick all squares that have, say, a bus in them, but the bus is broken up over different squares, my brain goes through a horrible detour of a mix between Wittgenstein's duckrabbit and Quine's gavagai: is a square that has the edge of a bus's mirror "a square with a bus"? surely it's a) a question of interpretation as to when a piece of a bus becomes enough of a bus to call it a bus and b) a question of idiolect, mediated through common usage, as to whether that detached bus part is a bus. this all takes about half a second. then i fuck up the captcha for unrelated reasons.

if you’ve ever thought i’m standoffish, politely distant, or generally hard to befriend, know in your heart that i’m exactly the same in real life. my neighbours just showed up at my door drunk on Canada Day celebrations and told me how desperate they’ve been to meet me for the past few months and then tried to fix the water pump in my basement

one of the neighbours returned today with heavy machinery and gravel and fixed my driveway. i feel like a feral animal they’re trying to coax with little treats

they've told me the gossip which is that a few years back a 70 yr old man collapsed the bridge at the end of my road by driving his tractor over it, lost his tractor in the river, climbed back up the cliff unscathed, walked an hour home, and then the whole road fell into disrepair and all the campgrounds closed and the once popular waterfall down the road became obscure and secret. so like, be the change you want to see in the world. collapse a bridge to chase out the tourists. also you can lose widespread knowledge in under 10 years if one old man collapses a bridge

also i met this bridge collapsing old man on a walk a few months ago and he said to me "you should check out the river at the end of the road, there's a tractor in it!" like he wasn't the one who put it there

why is it that the police can recover anything digital that you've ever deleted but word crashes once and your whole lifes work is gone forever