Here's to witty ones...

like you get those ‘i hate to cook! 101: easy meals for the kitchen novice!’ and it still wants you to make a three-cheese spinach casserole

mine would be like

did you know you can put chocolate chips on a spoonful of peanut butter and obtain the perfect snack

did you know if you crack some eggs into your pasta sauce and stir there’s more protein in it so you can go longer without having to make another goddamn meal

did you know you can mix a cup of cooked rice to any condensed soup instead of water and now you have dinner and breakfast

also put cheese on it

put cheese on fucking everything

dump all your chinese delivery into a hot pan and crack two eggs into it, stir, now it is soft and good

if you add a kraft single to mac and cheese from the box it’s magically more delicious (and if you also add hot sauce then it’s spicy)

nachos: chips + shredded cheese + salsa + rummage in fridge in case there’s other things?  and then under the broiler for a minute or two.  if it’s hot it counts as a meal!  works good on stale chips.

an incomplete list of vegetables that won’t instantly rot on you: anything frozen, cauliflower, cherry tomatoes (they get wrinkly but u can still eat them), carrots, onions…i throw away a lot of veggies that have gone soft :(

2. Just before it’s ready, when there’s about a pinkie fingernail’s worth of water on the top, add in a tablespoon of peanut butter. 

3. Stir. Cook the rest of the way. 

4. It’s a meal! It has carbs and protein, it’s filling, it tastes good and it looks and feels like a legitimate dish, which is great for lifting the spirits a bit. 

Since no-one explained how to cook rice: (1) put bit of oil in pot, heat up on medium flame, (2) add 1-1.5 cup rice, mix up and add a bit of salt (you may need to reduce flame), (3) while you’re doing that, boil water in an electric pot, (4) add 2 cup water for each 1 cup rice; reduce flame a few seconds before you do that and mind the steam won’t hit you, (5) cover and set a 20min timer.

Pasta: (1) boil water, lots of water (covered pot goes fast; you can also use an electric pot for a shortcut and bring to a full boil on the stove - experiment), (2) up to 100 gr pasta per 1L water will work, but the more water per pasta the better, (3) reduce flame to medium (light bubbling), add pasta, set time to 10min, (4) check and add time as necessary - you may not need to.

Egg or bean noodled cook faster than pasta - like, half the time.

Easiest pasta sauce: 20-50gr of butter, melt; 1-2tbs lemon juice, homogenize; dump in pasta (and possibly peas, boiled from frozen). Taken 5min or under and will liven up pasta that’s been sitting in the fridge.

Easiest cream sauce: 1 standard (250ml) cream carton, 1 tsp shredded cheese (keeps well in freezer) or more, 1 tbs cottage cheese, spices to taste. Heat in a small pot on a small-to-medium flame while stirring constantly (if it’s too hot to stick a finger in, it’s too hot). Takes maybe 5-10min. Will keep in fridge up to 1 week.

Rice freezes well. Pasta doesn’t. Plain pasta (and most noodles) will last for up to a month in the fridge, though, and just dump it in the pan with some ketchup/tomato paste(+oil + water) and you’re good.

…nobody said that dry onion lasts? Dry onion lasts. Fried onion freezes well and keeps forever. So does diced garlic. If you like ‘em but worried about them going bad/don’t always have the time or spoons to deal with ‘em, there you go.

Fresh bread freezes well. Keep emergency bread in your freezer, sliced. It’ll thaw in the fridge/on the counter overnight, or you can stick a slice as-is in the toaster (just turn it up 1 notch relative to your usual preference).

Potatoes in their peel are the single most nutritious food. (You can, actually, survive on mashed potatoes.) A boiled potato will stay good in the fridge for a couple days. Boil partway (should still somewhat resist a fork), turn over/toaster oven on 150C (350F) or higher while you do the rest, slice potato(s), spread like deck of cards, brush oil over (with the sort of silicone brush one uses for eggs - costs next to nothing and you’ll be glad you got it), bit of salt, stick into oven and come back 20-40min later. Will re-heat well.

All of the following are good in eggs, just (1) dump them in the pan before the eggs, (2) the more you fluff up the eggs the betters: cubed semi-boiled potatoes, sliced/cubed tomatoes, tinned garbanzo beans (<-legume), tinned/frozen corn. Tinned and frozen stuff lasts forever. A pre-boiled potato and a couple eggs will save your ass on a cold, miserable morning.

3 shortbread cookies + 2 glasses of milk = 500kcal balanced dinner. Or breakfast.

1 cup cooked pasta + couple fluffed up eggs + shredded cheese (from frozen) to taste, in a stove-top pan or in the oven for ~20min = full meal.

Black lentils, cooked, will last nicely in the fridge - and unlike other legumes, they don’t need a pre-soak and only take 20min to cook. ½ bowl + 3 tbs oil + 2 tsp lemon juice + ¼ onion = dinner so nutritious you won’t believe it.

Cottage cheese and honey. No really. You only need a couple tsp honey for 250gr cottage tub.

1tbs peanut butter (flat as you can make it) + 3 tbs soy + 2 tbs maple/honey + 1 tsp vinegar = marinade for ~500gr of whatever. Takes ~5min to mix, 20min-2hr to soak, 5-10min to fry (non-stick pan and you don’t need oil). This + pot of rice (<-make while chicken/meat soaks) = lunch for a week. (Or dinner, if dinner’s your main meal.)

A tin of mayonnaise will last for months in the fridge. Hardboiled eggs last a nice while, too. 3 hardboiled eggs, chopped + 1tbs mayo + 1/3 onion chopped = 5min of work and egg salad for a few highly nutritious meals.

Also, ramen, drop an egg and a handful of some kind of frozen veggie(the previously mentioned ones or even some mixed carrots and peas) it adds a lot of nutritional value to your ramen, makes it so much more filling, and makes it have way better flavor than plain ramen. 

Buy a jar of Better than Bouillon. Amazon has them for as cheep as $2.99 a jar and one jar has enough in it to make a couple gallons of broth. Just one teaspoon of this stuff added to 1 cup of water will give you a deliciously broth for soup. Pick your flavor and drop whatever veggies or noodles you’ve got leftover in the fridge and you’ve got dinner. It’s also great to add to the water you’re cooking your rice in to give it some flavor as well. 

Don’t buy boxed Kraft mac and cheese. It may seem like an easy approach but there is a cheaper approach. A 3 lb bag of macaroni noodles is only a couple dollars and you can get a 1 lb bag of the powdered cheese just like in Kraft for $10 on Amazon. I bought a bag of cheese powder that size and it lasted me more than a year and I made mac and cheese once a week. You can also mix it with milk and broccoli and you’ve got a great dinner of broccoli cheese soup. 

Dog: *opens up mouth and tater tots fall out*

Aries: eyebrows, sunflowers, Nike, figi water, space buns, cloudy mornings, puppies, white clothing, sushi, bananas, the scent of fresh lemons

Taurus: comfy beds, succulents, paper lanterns, soft skin, Oxford shoes, big blankets, starry nights, collared dresses, oversized t-shirts, braids, the scent of hot chamomile tea

Gemini: daisies, Adidas superstars, overalls, ice cream, balloons, fog in forests, ongiri, glitter, love letters, bandaids, the scent of freshly cut grass

Cancer: lavender, thigh high socks, eggs, nighttime car rides, Japanese candy, soft lips, stuffed animals, Chinese take-out, light up shoes, polaroid cameras, the scent of fresh cookies

Leo: messy buns, kanken backpacks, sunshine, bubbles, grassy meadows, bucket hats, In n’ Out, shiny eyeshadow, popsicles, old movies, the scent of new cars

Virgo: short hair, cats, midnight swims, pizza, clumpy eyelashes, yin yang, candy hearts, eyeliner, long nails, milk, the scent of clean linen

Libra: cherries, long hair, bubblegum, kisses, lace lingerie, honeybees, gingham, tea, copic markers, coconut water, the scent of smackers lip balm

Scorpio: koi fish, gardens, grey hair, heavy rain, storms, dark lipstick, black clothing, striped socks, straight hair, wild berries, the scent of dark roast coffee

Sagittarius: boat rides, mochi, tulips, macaroons, platform shoes, sheer socks, watermelon, grid patterns, fake eyelashes, butterflies, the scent of freshly squeezed orange juice

Capricorn: Nike Air Force 1’s, pastel hair, ponds, late night walks, zen gardens, water lilies, long hugs, strawberries, face masks, water color paint, the scent of peppermint

Aquarius: jelly shoes, space, glitter waterfall phone cases, pink lipgloss, sakura blossoms, peaches, stars, baseball caps, bath bombs, soft hair, the scent of vanilla cupcake candles

Dear appblrs if you want to save some money and not spend hundreds of dollars on prep books these are some nice alternatives. (Both these files belong to me. )

Spread the word! Good luck studying :) 

SAT 

AP

I REPEAT, DO NOT SCROLL PAST THIS. 

GUYS. THIS IS LITERALLY A MASTER POST OF SAT & AP BOOKS SCANNED ONTO THE LAPTOP. LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE PAGE. AND THE QUALITY IS AMAZING. AND THERE ARE SO MANY. FROM BARRON’S AP BIO TO MCGRAW HILL’S SAT REVIEW. SERIOUSLY CHECK THIS OUT.

Dear appblrs if you want to save some money and not spend hundreds of dollars on prep books these are some nice alternatives. (Both these files belong to me. )

Spread the word! Good luck studying :) 

SAT 

AP

I REPEAT, DO NOT SCROLL PAST THIS. 

GUYS. THIS IS LITERALLY A MASTER POST OF SAT & AP BOOKS SCANNED ONTO THE LAPTOP. LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE PAGE. AND THE QUALITY IS AMAZING. AND THERE ARE SO MANY. FROM BARRON’S AP BIO TO MCGRAW HILL’S SAT REVIEW. SERIOUSLY CHECK THIS OUT.

aries: duende (n: a quality of passion and inspiration; the mysterious power of art to deeply move a person)

taurus: vagary (n: an unexpected and inexplicable instance or change; a wandering journey; a whimsical, wild, or unusual idea/desire/action)

gemini: augenblick (a decisive moment in time that is fleeting, yet momentously eventful and incredibly significant… ‘in the blink of an eye’)

cancer: tacenda (n: things better left unsaid; matters to be passed over in silence)

leo: cosmogyral (adj: whirling around the universe)

virgo: tsundoku (the act of leaving a book unread after buying it, typically piled up together)

libra: aspectabund (adj: letting or being able to let expressive emotion show easily through one’s face and eyes)

scorpio: nyctophilia (n: a preference or love for darkness or night; finding relaxation and comfort in darkness)

sagittarius: shemesh khola (n: the weather when the sun is out, but the atmosphere is cold.. ‘sick sun’)

capricorn: philocalist (n: a lover of beauty; someone who finds and appreciates beauty in all things)

aquarius: meraki (v: to do something with soul, creativity, or love; to put something of yourself into your work)