A Wild Happiness

Sometimes I dream I'm a ghost and I try to look at my dead brain by rolling my eyes inside my skull, like a butoh dancer. And I float around like that for a while. Maybe someone sees me but I don't notice.

I dream about saying weird shit (the kind it makes you feel afraid) to someone in my dream. And I like to see how they change.

I often wish I could CONFESS something that someone would find scary, like telling them I'm going to starve myself to death one day. If I ever commit suicide I think that's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to crawl on my belly, one arm and then the other. In circles, inside my room and die in it as I curse the whole department building, or the whole area, the whole world. As far as I can curse.

I said I was a "chaser", which is something really weird to say because it's embarrassing and it's like you're confessing you're something you shouldn't be, something you shouldn't do.

Not a predator but a dirty and pathetic yearner, and yet, with some obscure power. Your desire leaves your brain and goes haunting those people you "chase".

It approaches you and you look at it and you realize it looks like this: