pls stawp

I can see my ribs again and I was so afraid that you'd notice, but then I remembered that we haven't been close. Not at all anymore, I fucking hate this. It makes me sick to my stomach, I can't lose you. You're literally the most important thing to ever happen to me.

I'm upset but I can't help but completely hate myself. I feel so pathetic. Some nights, or even during the day I'll crawl into bed and just stare at the ceiling for hours on end until I actually pass out. Some nights I'll just turn over on my side and shamelessly become a mess once again. 

I haven't seen you naked in the past two months unless you're changing. We're married and it hasn't been feeling like it. Both of the "I do's" are sometimes forgotten when I'm laying on the bathroom floor, feeling completely helpless. 

I fucking miss you more than I can take sometimes. I find myself wondering if there's something wrong with me, or if I'm doing something wrong. One side of me says that I'm just fine and the other side of me is just saying awful things. When in reality I don't want to be so miserable anymore, I'd rather be snuggled up in your arms. I want to watch movies on you every wednesday and have ice cream every friday, just like on the night that I asked you to be mine. Back when things were okay and my eyes didn't have bags under them and I couldn't see my bones this much.